Venting You Need More Social Exposures

[CameronFrye]

I am so unbelievably sick and tired of every therapist, acting all confident and knowing, telling me the cure for my loneliness is "social exposures" and/or medication . It's clear that their thought process is that the reason I'm lonely is I'm doing it to myself through isolation, and if I just interacted with others I'd easily make friends and meaningful, lasting connections. They can't possibly fathom what it's like to be unwanted, reguardless of effort, because for their entire lives it's never been an issue. They've always had friends and a network of meaningful relationships in their lives. They think of social anxiety in a way they can relate to, such as giving a presentation in front of an audience, where it's simply a matter of facing the fear.

I've faced my fears countless times, and done all the suggestions. I've joined clubs, talked to classmates, invited people to things, I even got DJ gigs and did hours long sets for large crowds. I've attempted to host parties where I sent out many invites, and nobody shows up. Everything I've tried out for I don't make. After years and years of this it's clear nobody wants to be around me for long periods and get to know me on a deeper level. I'm not sure the exact reasons, but it's probably due to some combination my poor conversational skills, inability to read people, unattractiveness, and low social status, or other things I can't figure out. And I'm not even mad at them, people deserve to be around those who they enjoy being around, and that's not me. And after failing to graduate/get a job and move out due to my mental illness, I'm trapped in a toxic household in suburbia where the only people here are in high school or younger, or middle-aged or older. It hurts, I feel trapped, but I'm not mad about it.

What makes me mad is when I'm not listened to and talked down to by my therapists for trying to explain it. They always do two things. One they flat out ignore most of what I said. Then they always offer the same solutions, saying I have social anxiety and just need more social exposure and/or medication. What I've explained doesn't fit into their textbook definitions or relate to their personal experience, so it must be social anxiety. And social anxiety is fixed with social exposures and medication. To them it's an easy problem with an easy solution, and I've been too stupid to realize it. But it's so much more complex. And I don't want a solution because I know there probably isn't one. I just want someone to listen. At least the people here understand, that's why finding this place was such a relief.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be really frustrating dealing with therapists like that. I am sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[CameronFrye]

I can imagine that it must be really frustrating dealing with therapists like that. I am sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best.

Thank you, I think therapy can work for people but maybe it's just not for me.

 

[Al Cappella]

Social phobia is one of the worst afflictions to have, period. It affects absolutely every aspect of life, making it impossible to live normally. There isn't nearly enough support for it either.

For me it started when I was 9 or 10, at least when I first sensed something was different. It was winter in Montreal, and I was supposed to go to a classmate's birthday party- I'd been invited. Had a gift and everything. In those days there was no helicopter patenting, so I went by myself. And I sat in the alley behind the house, in a snowbank, for an hour—then threw the gift in the garbage and went home. Told my parents what a good time I had. Who does that? I did.

Over the years it's been bad and not so bad, moving along in cyclical fashion. Right now it's really bad again. It's robbed me of my education, having a career, never mind relationships with ppl. I've never really been treated for it, all drugs aimed at my depression stuff instead.

Do I think it can get better with effective treatment? Sure. But finding that treatment is the thing, and then the question becomes how much better. There is no cure. It will always be there, to one extent or another. I wish I had better news, but this is one of those conditions that just isn't sexy, talked about much, and certainly not helped by a little pill. And unless a person has been through it, they can't possibly understand.

So ya, I get what you're going through—and know how much strength and courage it took to do any of the things you did.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Being listened to and being understood are basic human needs. I can see it being very frustrating to PAY someone to listen to you and then have it demonstrated quite clearly that they have not, in fact, listened to you after all. That sucks. I'm sorry.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I remember how stupid therapists are. They just want to find a way to mold you to the textbook version of "normal" that they lernt in school. It's really just pointless relying on those narcisstic drones. And any therapist that undermines anxiety needs to be fired, period.