Yet Another Goodbye Thread

[Mthom2]

Ok, first of all I'm sorry for being so active on here as of late. It's just that I know my time is short and I'm scared. I'm lonely. At any rate, this goodbye is being posted to serve two functions. Those being to receive a little support as I go, and to provide whatever information I can in order to hopefully help those who come after me. I'll add as many details as I can for as long as I am able. It'll also help keep my mind centered. Hopefully I won't panic as much if I have a duty to perform.

It is currently 6:33 PM my time. At 6:35 I will take 3 50 mg (150 mg) of trazodone, and 3 20 mg tablets of omeprazole. I know they may not help, but I don't have anything else.

Information:

Female
340 pounds in weight
Age 45 years
No major intestinal problems aside from acid reflux
Severe neuropathy that interferes with my entire life
No major heart problems aside from palpitations at night
Arthritis
Umm, that's all

Will be using 99.6% pure sodium nitrite NaNO2. 35 grams. Since I have no scale, I'll use 1.97 (2) tbsp mixed with 3.4 (4) tbsp bottled water. I got these conversions online. There's one particular site that allows for specific sodium nitrite, ground conversion. I won't post the site here, but you can find it with a simple search. Note that if I increase the amount of water, which I think I might have to, I'll add it as I go.

I ate two pieces of pizza around four hours ago. That should be fine since my stomach fills empty. I've also been drinking soda, on and off, throughout the day. I don't plan on going without something to drink. I also have peppermint candy to suck on after I drink the SN.

Hmm, that's about all for now. I'll post again in 45 minutes when I drink it.

I don't know if I can consider any of you as a friend, but I'm going to pretend that you are in my thoughts.

Loving thoughts and best wishes to you all.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'm sorry your life brought you to this.
I hope you find peace on the other side.

 

[Aggymara]

Hey, I want you to know that I am deeply sorry that it's come to this. How are you doing now? Sending you all the love and support. You will be missed, and we're here for you

 

[awfullife]

Thinking of you now. Your life has meaning. I wish you peace and comfort in your journey.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

OP sorry to hear you are at this point in life. Please make sure this is what you want to do as we are here to talk and you don't have to do this if you don't want to. You seem to have thought this through but you really don't have to do it.

 

[justanotherstar]

Hey OP, I'm sorry life is so painful, you don't deserve the suffering you are experiencing. It's evident that you have really thought this through and have made up your mind that it's your time to CTB. We are here for you and if you choose to stay a while longer then know the SS family will welcome you with open arms. Travel well, I hope you find the peace you are searching for

 

[yetme]

Good luck with whatever you choose! It's your life and you have full control of it! Hugs!

 

[Mthom2]

Do not take this much trazodone ever. I am so sick I can barely hold my head up. Think I screwed this up already. Can't get anything right

 

[newave3]

I am terribly sorry you feel life has brought you to this. If you change your mind and I hope you do, we are here for you.
I started on trazodone-1 50 mg per day, but they made me sick to my stomach so I switched back to Zoloft which I can tolerate.

 

[Pookie]

We're here for you and please don't hesitate to get help if you change your mind.

 

[justsad&done]

How are you doing? So sorry you have had such a hard road. I wish you peace, comfort and freedom from pain and suffering.

 

[Aggymara]

Hey, just checking in. Hope you're not in any pain. If you change your mind, please reach out for help. Again, sending you much love

 

[Wakawaka]

I'm sorry life has gotten you to this point, we're here for you

 

[Spitfire]

Do not take this much trazodone ever. I am so sick I can barely hold my head up. Think I screwed this up already. Can't get anything right

You might be sleeping? If so, I hope you get a nice peacful sleep for a little while now.

 

[NodusTollens]

Sending those loving thoughts right back at you! I hope you found peace in your journey.

 

[HelloHell]

I wish you a painless and peaceful journey OP :)

 

[serendipities]

Do not take this much trazodone ever. I am so sick I can barely hold my head up. Think I screwed this up already. Can't get anything right

how are u doing?

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I wish you a peaceful journey. We are all here for you sweetie

 

[TowerUpright]

Peace be with you, whether you continue down this path or not. Everyone needs more peace.

 

[RedRed]

I'm so sorry that you feel lonely fam! I can really feel your loneliness just by reading your post and it breaks my heart. I'm going to send you a virtual hug instead! I sincerely wish that your journey is fast and smooth. May you arrive safely and at peace to your destination :')

 

[Ae54rge]

I hope the OP has found their peace & they are finally free of their troubles & pains ❤

 

[12345]

I hope you are at peace now OP - you deserve to rest x

 

[death137]

I hope you found peace

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry life pushed you to this. Wherever you are right now, I hope you're at peace and you didn't have to suffer in your final moments

 

[Mthom2]

Well, I obviously failed. The trazodone weakened me to the point that I was physically unable to prepare the SN after about 20 minutes. Within maybe 30 minutes I was knocked out. If nothing else, my humiliating attempt may help someone else not to make the same mistake. I'm thinking that I took too much while I had no tolerance developed to the med.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Well, I obviously failed. The trazodone weakened me to the point that I was physically unable to prepare the SN after about 20 minutes. Within maybe 30 minutes I was knocked out. If nothing else, my humiliating attempt may help someone else not to make the same mistake. I'm thinking that I took too much while I had no tolerance developed to the med.

Sorry to hear this. Maybe take time to reflect and see if this is a sign not your time and maybe some good will come from it. We are here to listen if needed

 

[Miss_Takes]

Here if you need to talk

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

OP are you still with us?

 

[x~Sophia~x]

OP are you still with us?

yes, they're still here :)

 

[elfgyoza]

Well, I obviously failed. The trazodone weakened me to the point that I was physically unable to prepare the SN after about 20 minutes. Within maybe 30 minutes I was knocked out. If nothing else, my humiliating attempt may help someone else not to make the same mistake. I'm thinking that I took too much while I had no tolerance developed to the med.

I've been there, it was really humiliating tbh. In my case, I had some Clonazepam, which apparently was enough to knock me out before I started the next bit. I look back and laugh and I guess it's a learning experience too. Try not to judge yourself too harshly over what happened, I hope you're doing okay