Venting Yet another failed attempt

[zevon]

Long time member, rare poster.

I tried the night night method again and of course it was the practice run that would have worked (testing knot, sturdy location, etc.). Then I go back down and ended up not tightening it quite quickly enough like the practice run and now have a face full of petechiae (busted blood vessels). Luckily everyone believes me when I say my face looks like this from crying so hard (half truth, I guess?)



I'm going through a divorce and my SN is sitting in the house I used to share with my ex. I had to escape so quickly I didn't have time to grab my bottle and now I can't find it for sale anywhere! What the heck. And now N is only available from some guy in China? I'm so out of the loop. No pun intended.


I do own a gun but refuse to go out that way.


Just fml I guess. Why did they have to save me all those years ago. I could have been dead and forgotten by now instead of unwanted, unloved and forgotten while still 'alive'.


Why can't I just do it right for once.

 

[Amumu]

D isn't Chinese but Mexican

 

[zevon]

D isn't Chinese but Mexican

I thought that was A? Several years ago my payment to him was intercepted or I was otherwise somehow doxxed during that very dramatic time and I received "love letters" for 2 years at every single address I've lived my entire life. Talk about embarrassing to say the least. Getting calls and fed mail forwarded with nasty notes. It was easier for them to think I was in trouble for selling drugs than wanting to ctb.

 

[Rayzieka]

Ahhh sorry to hear that happened. I hope they didn't come across your SN?
Also I never knew the burst vessels had a name, I've done that to myself many times doing various things.
I hope you feel better and if you leave I hope you find a peaceful way.

 

[zevon]

Ahhh sorry to hear that happened. I hope they didn't come across your SN?
Also I never knew the burst vessels had a name, I've done that to myself many times doing various things.
I hope you feel better and if you leave I hope you find a peaceful way.

No one has come across my SN that I'm aware of. I'm definitely leaving at some point, been trying forever it seems. How does the saying go? Something about not giving up and dying trying?

I love (/s) that I can obtain just about anything to get high from recreationally (not really my thing) but I can't find anyone with legit *fent (edited typo) or anything to easily OD on.

I haven't been on the site in a while and there used to be info on the N sources. I probably have just enough crypto to buy at this point but have no idea where to find that info anymore.

Despite being petite, I think my carotids are just too deep in my neck for me to bother trying hanging again in any form.

When you get it right it's amazing. Almost exhilarating for a few seconds then you just pass out. When done correctly I could still breathe and felt no pain whatsoever. Ever since that time I've never been able to get the sweet spot tightened down quickly enough, or correctly, to end this miserable existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be frustrating to have a failed attempt. Ctb is very difficult after all. I see 'saving' someone as just prolonging their suffering, it is our lives and our decisions and others should learn to respect that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Long time member, rare poster.

I tried the night night method again and of course it was the practice run that would have worked (testing knot, sturdy location, etc.). Then I go back down and ended up not tightening it quite quickly enough like the practice run and now have a face full of petechiae (busted blood vessels). Luckily everyone believes me when I say my face looks like this from crying so hard (half truth, I guess?)



I'm going through a divorce and my SN is sitting in the house I used to share with my ex. I had to escape so quickly I didn't have time to grab my bottle and now I can't find it for sale anywhere! What the heck. And now N is only available from some guy in China? I'm so out of the loop. No pun intended.


I do own a gun but refuse to go out that way.


Just fml I guess. Why did they have to save me all those years ago. I could have been dead and forgotten by now instead of unwanted, unloved and forgotten while still 'alive'.


Why can't I just do it right for once.

I'm so sorry.
Why don't you wanna go out with the gun? Due to the desire to avoid a closed casket funeral?
I'd kill for a gun to end this miserable hell.
I hate hanging as there's too much time for me to despair about what might be on the other side, and it's painful.
The only reason I'm still here is that I can't get my hands on a fast, humane method of death.
I made the cardinal mistake of having severe mental illness- now I can't get my hands on a decent method.
This is why I now advise people who are suicidal to avoid the system at all costs, as a mental health strike removes an individual's ability to die relatively peacefully. I mean you can get N but I still think I'd prefer a gunshot, preferably a shotgun shell the the face.
With N there's a window of time to freak out, call an ambulance, and risk a horrific hospital ordeal, which may or may not include suffering permanent damage.

Man, how did it all come to this. I used to be happy.

I can imagine it must be frustrating to have a failed attempt. Ctb is very difficult after all. I see 'saving' someone as just prolonging their suffering, it is our lives and our decisions and others should learn to respect that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

I mean it all depends on the person and their situation. If they're going through a rough patch and aren't thinking clearly then intervention can and does save perfectly good lives.
However if the person is facing serious illness, or has been chronically suicidal their entire life without reprieve, and nothing is working, keeping them alive isn't doing them any favours.

 

[Ta555]

I'm so sorry.
Why don't you wanna go out with the gun? Due to the desire to avoid a closed casket funeral?
I'd kill for a gun to end this miserable hell.
I hate hanging as there's too much time for me to despair about what might be on the other side, and it's painful.
The only reason I'm still here is that I can't get my hands on a fast, humane method of death.
I made the cardinal mistake of having severe mental illness- now I can't get my hands on a decent method.
This is why I now advise people who are suicidal to avoid the system at all costs, as a mental health strike removes an individual's ability to die relatively peacefully. I mean you can get N but I still think I'd prefer a gunshot, preferably a shotgun shell the the face.
With N there's a window of time to freak out, call an ambulance, and risk a horrific hospital ordeal, which may or may not include suffering permanent damage.

Man, how did it all come to this. I used to be happy.

I mean it all depends on the person and their situation. If they're going through a rough patch and aren't thinking clearly then intervention can and does save perfectly good lives.
However if the person is facing serious illness, or has been chronically suicidal their entire life without reprieve, and nothing is working, keeping them alive isn't doing them any favours.

Don't you pass out in like under a minute with hanging?

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Don't you pass out in like under a minute with hangi

Don't you pass out in like under a minute with hanging?

That hasn't been my experience.
Plus that minute would feel like an eternity.
I'll take a split second with a gunshot any day.

 

[Ta555]

@LoveTakesManyForms there was no reply?

 

[again_noidea]

Long time member, rare poster.

I tried the night night method again and of course it was the practice run that would have worked (testing knot, sturdy location, etc.). Then I go back down and ended up not tightening it quite quickly enough like the practice run and now have a face full of petechiae (busted blood vessels). Luckily everyone believes me when I say my face looks like this from crying so hard (half truth, I guess?)



I'm going through a divorce and my SN is sitting in the house I used to share with my ex. I had to escape so quickly I didn't have time to grab my bottle and now I can't find it for sale anywhere! What the heck. And now N is only available from some guy in China? I'm so out of the loop. No pun intended.


I do own a gun but refuse to go out that way.


Just fml I guess. Why did they have to save me all those years ago. I could have been dead and forgotten by now instead of unwanted, unloved and forgotten while still 'alive'.


Why can't I just do it right for once.

i had those petechiae once after i tested a method, they are obvious.... thanks for teaching me a new word! Whats your next move? i might try full suspension tomorrow morning, but it is so hard to push myself over that edge.

 

[WilNord]

I do own a gun but refuse to go out that way.

What caliber does it use?