rikaribs
New Member
- Mar 9, 2026
- 1
I fell in love with one of my closest friends almost two years ago. They rejected me and I stopped talking to them because I felt awkward and I just couldn't live with knowing my feelings would never be reciprocated.
I've wanted to CTB since I was a child. I think about it all day, every day. Doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing. 50% of my thoughts are suicide; the other 50% are thoughts of them. I imagine them realizing their feelings for me and how much they've hurt me in the past. I imagine us having a future together. I imagine us being friends again, like the good old days. They haunt my dreams nearly every night, and I still have to see them nearly every day. I have never wanted anything or anyone so badly in my life. I would give up anything for just one chance to be with them. If they rejected me again I would still convince myself that maybe one day they'll change their mind. I would still fall asleep picturing their face and all the things I want to do with them that they have no interest in.
I am driven only by delusion.
I'm not sure how much longer I can handle living like this. living in a reality where they don't want me. no one ever has and ever will, but it doesn't matter who would unless it's them.
I've always been afraid of the thought of hanging myself but it's starting to seem like my only way out. I have been miserable as far back as I can remember. there's nothing for me to look forward to.
I've wanted to CTB since I was a child. I think about it all day, every day. Doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing. 50% of my thoughts are suicide; the other 50% are thoughts of them. I imagine them realizing their feelings for me and how much they've hurt me in the past. I imagine us having a future together. I imagine us being friends again, like the good old days. They haunt my dreams nearly every night, and I still have to see them nearly every day. I have never wanted anything or anyone so badly in my life. I would give up anything for just one chance to be with them. If they rejected me again I would still convince myself that maybe one day they'll change their mind. I would still fall asleep picturing their face and all the things I want to do with them that they have no interest in.
I am driven only by delusion.
I'm not sure how much longer I can handle living like this. living in a reality where they don't want me. no one ever has and ever will, but it doesn't matter who would unless it's them.
I've always been afraid of the thought of hanging myself but it's starting to seem like my only way out. I have been miserable as far back as I can remember. there's nothing for me to look forward to.
