yay! i havent been suicidal for a good few months. however...

[fuhloof]

i guess my suicidality has dwindled significantly in the past few months. my new cocktail of medications is working pretty well in regards to regulating and stabilizing my emotions. buuut whenever i encounter some sort of obstacle or inconvenience, i will still resort to thinking about suicide and make plans of starving on the street. also im an ex-neet but i still maintain the persona of a neet. weirdly enough i yearn to be a neet again since it comes with a large degree of freedom and comfort (sleep all day). idk, whenever things go south, i revert back to my old mindset. ive moved on from my suicidality, yet i havent. it is a weird dialectic.