Just read in the news that a ten year old killed themselves……
I want to know how they were successful when I am almost 42 and can't figure this shit out. And I'm too chicken shit to try again as I'm afraid of failure.
My method is unreliable well probably a non method at this point (a years worth of lunesta, alcohol and trying to drown myself) but I have no other methods. I have three days off of work and will not have my daughter the week of new years. Im planning on trying then but as the date approaches I'm panicking. I'm afraid of failing and then losing my job and my apartment. But I can't continue going on like this. I feel trapped.
Im on so much medication right now and nothing helps. My provider just increased my dosage which is fun. Im already an empty shell of a person just a zombie. I feel like I'm doing more damage to my daughter by being here as I'm emotionally unavailable. She would be better off without me.
Im so gross looking I don't even want to be seen in public. It must be so embarrassing for my daughter to have a mother like me.
Im rambling now. Sorry getting drunk at a bar alone. I wish I could say fuck it and take all these pills with alcohol then go down to the river. Yet I'm too much of a pussy to do it. I would probably fail and end up worse off if that is even possible.
I don't even know the point of this. I'm just so fed up and don't want to do this anymore. Any of it. I just wish someone could kill me. How are people so successful? How do all these people who want to live die by being murdered, sickness or freak accidents? How come people are killed in mass shootings yet why not me? I wish I could trade places with them.
Anyway I'm drunk now. A pathetic loser spending money that I don't have. Should be buying my daughter Christmas presents yet here I am. I just wish I could be put out of my misery. I pray for death every night and curse out loud every morning when I wake up.
I just want someone to end me.
I want to know how they were successful when I am almost 42 and can't figure this shit out. And I'm too chicken shit to try again as I'm afraid of failure.
My method is unreliable well probably a non method at this point (a years worth of lunesta, alcohol and trying to drown myself) but I have no other methods. I have three days off of work and will not have my daughter the week of new years. Im planning on trying then but as the date approaches I'm panicking. I'm afraid of failing and then losing my job and my apartment. But I can't continue going on like this. I feel trapped.
Im on so much medication right now and nothing helps. My provider just increased my dosage which is fun. Im already an empty shell of a person just a zombie. I feel like I'm doing more damage to my daughter by being here as I'm emotionally unavailable. She would be better off without me.
Im so gross looking I don't even want to be seen in public. It must be so embarrassing for my daughter to have a mother like me.
Im rambling now. Sorry getting drunk at a bar alone. I wish I could say fuck it and take all these pills with alcohol then go down to the river. Yet I'm too much of a pussy to do it. I would probably fail and end up worse off if that is even possible.
I don't even know the point of this. I'm just so fed up and don't want to do this anymore. Any of it. I just wish someone could kill me. How are people so successful? How do all these people who want to live die by being murdered, sickness or freak accidents? How come people are killed in mass shootings yet why not me? I wish I could trade places with them.
Anyway I'm drunk now. A pathetic loser spending money that I don't have. Should be buying my daughter Christmas presents yet here I am. I just wish I could be put out of my misery. I pray for death every night and curse out loud every morning when I wake up.
I just want someone to end me.
