J
Jean Améry
Enlightened
- Mar 17, 2019
- 1,098
I'm planning/in the process of writing letters to several people that influenced my life in a meaningful way, be it positive or negative. Here's a list with what I want to achieve for each category:
My great-aunt: she has always been a positive influence in my life and always cared about me. If I hold on a little longer it'll be for her, hoping she'd pass before me as she's 80. She never had children and we were basically her non-biological children. Me above all. She's one of the few people I genuinly care about. I'd like very much to ease her suffering as she'll be heartbroken about this. Which sucks immensily.
My parents: in the vein of the altruistic antinatalist philosophy of David Benatar I believe procreation to be immoral because it's gambling with other people's well-being. I blame them for bringing me in this rotten, miserable existence in the first place but more importantly I blame them for screwing me up mentally making me unable to build a solid life due to their completely selfish, irresponsible and emotionally abusive behaviour towards each-other and me. I will not blame them for my death as it will be something I'll have rationally decided and take responsibility for but I do hold them responsible for causing me so much grief, pain and loss. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, not run them into the ground and turn them into emotional wrecks.
My friends: two of them I'd care to write at least. I want and need to express my deep and abiding appreciation for their loyalty and friendship throughout the years while others have fled at the first sign of trouble. As they are smart, well-educated and rational people I'm sure they will understand and support my decision. I will explain my reasons as clearly and coherently as I possibly can.
My government: this will be a clear, candid indictment of the inhumane, cruel and counterproductive anti-suicide policy which will necessitate stealth and secrecy as if I'm some criminal instead of a law-abiding citizen. It's their fault I can't talk openly about this as they simply deny me my right to self-determination. I am in effect part of a prosecuted minority. I intend to expose their hypocrisy (wrongful imprisonment posing as a sound public health policy) and the legal absurdity of positing freedom as a constitutionally and treaty-based fundamental human right while in practice they spit and piss on it as much as they like. I might even arrange for this letter to be sent to some newspapers so my death may have some meaning at least. Of course they'll probably consider it the rambling of a madman although personally I think I'm quite sane. It's plain ridiculous to equate unhappiness with a form of insanity yet that's what this society does: suicide = mental illness or at least the product of mental illness.
Do you plan on leaving letters when the time comes? If so to whom, what do you intend/hope to achieve and what will you say?
My great-aunt: she has always been a positive influence in my life and always cared about me. If I hold on a little longer it'll be for her, hoping she'd pass before me as she's 80. She never had children and we were basically her non-biological children. Me above all. She's one of the few people I genuinly care about. I'd like very much to ease her suffering as she'll be heartbroken about this. Which sucks immensily.
My parents: in the vein of the altruistic antinatalist philosophy of David Benatar I believe procreation to be immoral because it's gambling with other people's well-being. I blame them for bringing me in this rotten, miserable existence in the first place but more importantly I blame them for screwing me up mentally making me unable to build a solid life due to their completely selfish, irresponsible and emotionally abusive behaviour towards each-other and me. I will not blame them for my death as it will be something I'll have rationally decided and take responsibility for but I do hold them responsible for causing me so much grief, pain and loss. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, not run them into the ground and turn them into emotional wrecks.
My friends: two of them I'd care to write at least. I want and need to express my deep and abiding appreciation for their loyalty and friendship throughout the years while others have fled at the first sign of trouble. As they are smart, well-educated and rational people I'm sure they will understand and support my decision. I will explain my reasons as clearly and coherently as I possibly can.
My government: this will be a clear, candid indictment of the inhumane, cruel and counterproductive anti-suicide policy which will necessitate stealth and secrecy as if I'm some criminal instead of a law-abiding citizen. It's their fault I can't talk openly about this as they simply deny me my right to self-determination. I am in effect part of a prosecuted minority. I intend to expose their hypocrisy (wrongful imprisonment posing as a sound public health policy) and the legal absurdity of positing freedom as a constitutionally and treaty-based fundamental human right while in practice they spit and piss on it as much as they like. I might even arrange for this letter to be sent to some newspapers so my death may have some meaning at least. Of course they'll probably consider it the rambling of a madman although personally I think I'm quite sane. It's plain ridiculous to equate unhappiness with a form of insanity yet that's what this society does: suicide = mental illness or at least the product of mental illness.
Do you plan on leaving letters when the time comes? If so to whom, what do you intend/hope to achieve and what will you say?