Venting wrecking ball rage

[Wormfood]

I feel like I'm the only person who can't get his life together.

I can't seem to hold down a steady job. If I highlight how toxic, unprofessional and unproductive these workplaces are you'd think I'm trying to evade responsibility (spontaneous trait transference ).

I don't feel valued at work. I am just another cog in the system. It's been 3 days since I've called in sick. Going back to work feels like dipping my hand in a jar of mucus.

My family don't get it. I'm terrible at my job. It's only a matter of time before I'm fired in a very public and awful fashion. The company puts profit over people and I just can't deal with that. I'm told that I shouldn't care once I'm being paid but money has never motivated me and I care about people. I feel like if I walk away from this job my family will abandon me.

I feel worthless.

I've been thinking about ctb recently. I'm too overwhelmed to be effective any method. I would seriously end up damaging myself.

A close friend of mine thinks I'm not serious about catching the bus. She thinks I have infinite self control. She expects me to be chirpy. It's kinda hard when you have not showered in 2 days. She thinks I should see a shrink. Last shrink tried to seduce me ( yes, it was a dude). Hard pass on that.

My life isn't harder than anyone else's. I'm responsible for my life. I don't need anyone to save me or feel sorry for me. The problem is I feel a wrecking ball rage at work when they want me to make blood out of stone then shame me in front of others for not pulling it off. I want to pull my pin and explode ( amygdala hijack). I fear my rage. They see me as such a reserved guy but a monster dwells within (thinking of animal I've become by Three Days Grace).

I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this. what are your thoughts?

 

[jodes2]

Sorry about your job and friend and shrink. Don't worry, plenty of people can't get their life together!

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that jobs make a lot of people feel more suicidal. Life really is so depressing as people are forced to exist and they have all these pressures and expectations placed on them. There really is no real relief from suffering in a life like this. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Life_and_Death]

when i read stories like this i wish my business was open and i wish i could help people like you.

thinking of animal I've become by Three Days Grace

awesome song btw

 

[actual_fox]

I feel you, I have overactive amygdala too. I get anxiety attacks at work.

I have been in toxic workplace too, people used to shout at me and told me I was not doing good enough, some told me I did good and others are just playing... people are so full of shit man. Normies playing their games.

Outside world is brutal, people use other people to make money. I personally do not see myself live for long in this system. I am lucky I do not need to work now. I had this kind of job where we used a bit of trickery to give people crazy loans and stupid deals. It was brutal but I pretended that I am ok with that, to then do bear minimum.

But If you feel you can get better results by silencing your conscience then do It (or try). I mean fuck - it is better to do that then be kicked out of your job and later ctb. I do not know anything about your job and If you really can get better results. Maybe It is impossible. I say; If you can cheat or act like you do better then you really do without braking laws then do It.

Your family should not abandon you because of that. It would be cruel of them, but maybe I am just romantic idealist.