Venting Wow, last few hours here and I don’t know how to feel (SN)

[Kukubananas]

I've held out for as long as I can. Here's the update as to where I stand now.

As I've mentioned before, my method is SN. I haven't eaten since about 2pm EST, it's chrrently 1:30a EST. (Btw it's Daylight Time Savings so it'll be 3:00am EST soon). I've taken some Tagamet today in the morning and also after eating just to make sure I would feel okay I guess? I've also had a glass of wine about an hour ago but no other food or liquid since this afternoon.

I do not have meto. I honestly don't think I'll puke. I've ODed on OTC pills before on an empty stomach and just dry heaved. I'm going to wait until this wine goes through me lol, then I'm going to take my 800mg of Tagamet. I've also bought dimenhydrinate and meclizine. I don't know what I'm going to do with them as of this second but it's better than nothing I guess. Hopefully it'll help me with the dry heaving. I plan on taking my SN with warm water. I'm about 150 pounds and am a female. Just gonna stick with the 15g recommendation.

I think I'm going to write out my note, take a quick nap, and wake up around 6:30a EST and then do it. I also want to get one last shower in early. Wish me luck. I'll keep this thread updated until I go.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Question - are you taking any benzos or pain meds?

 

[Kukubananas]

Question - are you taking any benzos or pain meds?

Nope. No pain meds no benzos. My plan right now is that I'm going to take the Meclizine since it's technically an antiemetic an hour before I ctb. Then the 800mg of Tagamet. Finally the SN.

 

[GeorgeJL]

OK in about 10 minutes you should be here. Still wondering what is going on, I am staying awake for now. I feel like I have to say that you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

 

[aneurysm]

OK in about 10 minutes you should be here. Still wondering what is going on, I am staying awake for now. I feel like I have to say that you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

i'm not sure but i think she is okay, she just take a very long time to replay. apparently she was doing some rangements and preparations

 

[GeorgeJL]

OK I have to go to bed soon. But keep a detailed log of what this is like and I will send it to the author of the PPHB ‎Dr Philip Nitschke. He really wants to know case reports with sodium nitrite.

 

[Kukubananas]

Good morning.

Just woke up. Taking Tagamet now. Will then take Meclizine and will reupdate once I take the sn

 

[aneurysm]

Good morning.

Just woke up. Taking Tagamet now. Will then take Meclizine and will reupdate once I take the sn

I really hope things go smoothly for you

 

[Kukubananas]

Update, didn't actually take the Tagamet until about 7:10 couldn't peel myself from my bed, haha.
Update - just took 50 mg of meclizine
Also taking 50mg dimenhydrinate
Setting up my basement. Putting down some blankets and a cut up trash bag. Also have a bin to throw up in case that happens. Sitting on the floor rather than a couch in case I spazz a little. Measuring out my SN in a sec. 7:50

 

[Chinaski]

OK I have to go to bed soon. But keep a detailed log of what this is like and I will send it to the author of the PPHB ‎Dr Philip Nitschke. He really wants to know case reports with sodium nitrite.

Considering how many posters here frequently claim this place is a Safe Haven of Love and Empathy, seeing this type of post crop up in practically every goodbye thread is really quite jarring, and I'm surprised the SS Tone Police give this awful crap a pass each time.

 

[Kukubananas]

Update: fucked up. Walked downstairs with my trash bag blanket and everything and saw my step dad sleeping down there for some weird reason. Booked it upstairs and am now in my car. Gonna have to find somewhere to park now as it's broad daylight :(
No idea what to do... you guys think I should just stay in my driveway and hope no one sees me? Or do I go park somewhere and hope for the best. It has to be today my next chance won't be until Wednesday and I can't wait that long. Fuck fuck. I think I might just do it here in my driveway. Stand by
Update: it's been about an hour since my initial dose of Tagamet. I know of a site where there's currently construction of houses being built. It's a rainy Sunday so I don't think there'll be construction workers there. I'm on my way now to scope out the area and if that doesn't work I'm going to try and find a closed building (docs office, bank) to park at. I was actually kind of thinking about parking at the hospital too. A lot of people sleep in their cars rather than an uncomfortable waiting room so I don't think it'll be THAT suspicious. Thanks for all the pms but what do you guys think?
Honestly you know what? Fuck it I'm gonna go in my room and hope for the best. My moms not home so I doubt anyone else will bother me at least for 2 hours.
Talking to someone in my pm helped so thank you so much. As of right now it's 8:40am EST ands sounds like my stepdad is getting up and going to his room 2 flights up. If by 9:30 he's out and upstairs I'm going to do it then. If not, I'll be waiting until around 1-2am EST today and doing it in my car as I planned before. I'm not going more than 24 hours and my next chance won't be until Wednesday so it has to be today. I will keep everyone posted. I really don't want to have to swallow those pills again, so hopefully I can update you guys in the next 30 mins. If I haven't said anything I haven't CTB but rather will be waiting until tonight. Thank you everyone for your support, opinions and recommendations. I appreciate you!

 

[Nitromask]

If it helps, one way I've envisioned doing it in my car is: lower the rear seat forward and lie with my feet in the trunk and my torso lying on the back of the seat. Then put an empty box over my body so it just looks like there's a box in the back seat...not sure if that makes sense

 

[GeorgeJL]

Update: fucked up. Walked downstairs with my trash bag blanket and everything and saw my step dad sleeping down there for some weird reason. Booked it upstairs and am now in my car. Gonna have to find somewhere to park now as it's broad daylight :(
No idea what to do... you guys think I should just stay in my driveway and hope no one sees me? Or do I go park somewhere and hope for the best. It has to be today my next chance won't be until Wednesday and I can't wait that long. Fuck fuck. I think I might just do it here in my driveway. Stand by
Update: it's been about an hour since my initial dose of Tagamet. I know of a site where there's currently construction of houses being built. It's a rainy Sunday so I don't think there'll be construction workers there. I'm on my way now to scope out the area and if that doesn't work I'm going to try and find a closed building (docs office, bank) to park at. I was actually kind of thinking about parking at the hospital too. A lot of people sleep in their cars rather than an uncomfortable waiting room so I don't think it'll be THAT suspicious. Thanks for all the pms but what do you guys think?
Honestly you know what? Fuck it I'm gonna go in my room and hope for the best. My moms not home so I doubt anyone else will bother me at least for 2 hours.
Talking to someone in my pm helped so thank you so much. As of right now it's 8:40am EST ands sounds like my stepdad is getting up and going to his room 2 flights up. If by 9:30 he's out and upstairs I'm going to do it then. If not, I'll be waiting until around 1-2am EST today and doing it in my car as I planned before. I'm not going more than 24 hours and my next chance won't be until Wednesday so it has to be today. I will keep everyone posted. I really don't want to have to swallow those pills again, so hopefully I can update you guys in the next 30 mins. If I haven't said anything I haven't CTB but rather will be waiting until tonight. Thank you everyone for your support, opinions and recommendations. I appreciate you!

Sorry things didn't go as planned hope to hear back from you.

 

[Whatshername]

OK then nobody should keep a log of SN effects. And there will be no update to the PPHB on SN. And nobody will really know it's effects at all. ‎Dr Philip Nitschke might take it out of his book and nobody will use it. What kind of awful crap is that. There is no university that can test it's use for suicide. It's because of case reports on SN that we even have this option dumbass. It's still a relatively new agent for use in suicide.

I don't know your angle, but we're not your personal guinea pigs. You have some guts to call someone a dumbass for pointing out a valid concern about this kind of threads, specially because several of them proved to be bullshit recently. After only two days on the site, having offered nothing helpful. Hmmm, ok.

 

[Kukubananas]

It's okay everyone. I WILL be doing a timed log not for some doctor but for someone who has no other choice but to use SN and wants to CTB. If I can help in anyway I will. I understand both of your sides

 

[Chinaski]

OK then nobody should keep a log of SN effects. And there will be no update to the PPHB on SN. And nobody will really know it's effects at all. ‎Dr Philip Nitschke might take it out of his book and nobody will use it. What kind of awful crap is that. There is no university that can test it's use for suicide. It's because of case reports on SN that we even have this option dumbass. It's still a relatively new agent for use in suicide.

People shouldn't be encouraged to use their actual fucking death as a means of providing research evidence for you, or anyone else.

 

[GeorgeJL]

It's okay everyone. I WILL be doing a timed log not for some doctor but for someone who has no other choice but to use SN and wants to CTB. If I can help in anyway I will. I understand both of your sides

Thank you for your understanding.

 

[aneurysm]

People shouldn't be encouraged to use their actual fucking death as a means of providing research evidence for you, or anyone else.

(this is not my problem but okay ) I feel like you are being unfair/harsh, and when you scroll up to his second post on the thread, he does tell her that she doesn't have to do this. I don't see how he is encouraging her to die for the record, she was going to do it anyway. And thank god some people do that, that's how science avances. He just proposed her and said i'd be helpful and she said yes and nobody is forcing her.

in my case, what actually worries me is the psychological effect of these threads on people who are about to CBT. Sometimes I wonder what if someone wants to give up but feel the pressure to continue for those watching… idk, I'm not saying that for OP (i think she'd do it no matter what), but I saw some threads where people seemed to have changed their mind or something and played dead… maybe they were actually dean tho, idk

 

[GeorgeJL]

I don't know your angle, but we're not your personal guinea pigs. You have some guts to call someone a dumbass for pointing out a valid concern about this kind of threads, specially because several of them proved to be bullshit recently. After only two days on the site, having offered nothing helpful. Hmmm, ok.

You don't know me. I've been posting on suicide forums for over a year now offering advice and even though I am pro-choice when it comes to suicide, if somebody has a child or in young I offer encouragement to stay alive. So I am not as cold hearted as you think. I also offer non-violent methods when someone wants to go out by a violent means. Also I use to be on the original sanctioned suicide forum on reddit way before this site ever existed. I use to have an account here too before but lost the password so I've been on here for a while now.

People shouldn't be encouraged to use their actual fucking death as a means of providing research evidence for you, or anyone else.

People can do whatever they want. Personally I would be glad to give such information just as Kukubananas has said. I've asked several people to do this and none of them have gotten offended. Besides Kukubananas sees my point too. If Kukubananas declined to give a report I would respect that and let it go. I am not moralistic about it.

 

[Chinaski]

You don't know me. I've been posting on suicide forums for over a year now offering advice and even though I am pro-choice when it comes to suicide, if somebody has a child or in young I offer encouragement to stay alive. So I am not as cold hearted as you think.

Anybody who enters a thread describing an imminent ctb to suggest the individual liveblogs for research purposes is striking very much the wrong chord imo, it doesn't matter who you are or how many forums you've "offered advice" on.

(this is not my problem but okay ) I feel like you are being unfair/harsh, and when you scroll up to his second post on the thread, he does tell her that she doesn't have to do this. I don't see how he is encouraging her to die for the record, she was going to do it anyway. And thank god some people do that, that's how science avances. He just proposed her and said i'd be helpful and she said yes and nobody is forcing her.

At no point did l suggest he was encouraging her to die. He was urging someone to liveblog a ctb which tbh is a pointless thing to do anyway, as such a liveblog evidences nothing more than the fact that someone typed some words on a pc. Philip N is many things, but he possesses nowhere near the level of rank idiocy required to assume a liveblog of a ctb on this site is of any scientific value.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Anybody who enters a thread describing an imminent ctb to suggest the individual liveblogs for research purposes is striking very much the wrong chord imo, it doesn't matter who you are or how many forums you've "offered advice" on.

I only mentioned the forums I've been on because the other person said that I just started posting a few days ago (paraphrased). I think we both have some valid points. It's more a question of degree and my intent behind my question. You are just assuming the worst behind the motive of my question. Why not ask me what the motive was? You seem to be assuming that I don't care about the dignity of Kukubananas. I am telling you right now that I do care about her dignity, in fact I care about not only her dignity but the dignity of many other people that will take the same path she is taking of using SN. I care about the dignity of all these people so much that I asked Kukubananas for a case report of her experience. Chew on that.

 

[Apollo D. Ryker]

These comments are getting out of hand and way off topic. Reaches for popcorn

 

[Kukubananas]

Every time I read 'Kukubananas' in this thread I laugh a little. I'm hitting the shower and gonna start this again. Plan on retaking my Tagamet at 12, same process I did this morning. It's been HOURS since I've eaten or drank anything and I'm so hungry it's not even a joke right now. I'll update as much as I can throughout the night :)

 

[aneurysm]

Every time I read 'Kukubananas' in this thread I laugh a little.

omg me too xD it's so weird seing them referring to you like that in their all serious conversation, it's such weird username lol

 

[Kukubananas]

All I want is a sandwich right now

 

[Philip]

Good luck, hope it's peaceful.

 

[Minudah]

I do not have meto.

And what are people in this thread so upset about? A comment by someone who either has really poor social skills or is a low life troll. Jfc. No priorities, as usual.

Why can't you get the meto I sent you links for, or at least go to the store and get DMSO? You are going to throw up, that's what SN and methemoglobinemia do. What if you end up in a hospital? Doing this wrong has more risks than just feeling bad.

 

[Kukubananas]

And what are people in this thread so upset about? A comment by someone who either has really poor social skills or is a low life troll. Jfc. No priorities.

Why can't you get the meto I sent you links for, or at least go to the store and get DMSO? You are going to throw up, that's what SN and methemoglobinemia do. What if you end up in a hospital? Doing this wrong has more risks than just feeling bad.

Why are you shoving down the links in everyone's face? I told you meto wasn't in the timeframe I wanna go in and after research seems like DMSO does nothing for you. What do you care what I do? If it works it works if not it doesn't and I can try again. Seems to me this sn method isn't even tested that well to begin with so you don't know what my body will do for sure. This MY choice MY decision if you don't like it get off my thread.

Not to make you change your mind but you should seriously look into anti emetics. I survived SN and was throwing up for days.

Well technically meclizine IS an antiemetic. Not as strong as meto but it's not like I'm going without anything. We'll try it anyway

 

[Chinaski]

And what are people in this thread so upset about? A comment by someone who either has really poor social skills or is a low life troll. Jfc. No priorities, as usual.

I find it quite bizarre how you're here being critical about "priorities" tbh, given you recently spent the best part of two days tone policing the exposing of an obvious chancer and bullshitter.

 

[Kukubananas]

I find it quite bizarre how you're here being critical about "priorities" tbh, given you recently spent the best part of two days tone policing the exposing of an obvious chancer and bullshitter.

Wait... who are you calling a bullshitter?
Lmao clearly this forum is a mess. For anyone who actually cares I've just taken my Tagamet at 12:55am EST. I'm taking meclizine at 1:15a and I'm debating taking the dimenhydrinate too but well see. At exactly 2am I'm taking my sn with a warm glass of water. I'll be back in an hour to update anyone who cares. Clearly this isn't the same thing as a live broadcast which would absolutely horrify my family so I'm not going to do it. I don't need the validation from others. At the end of the day this is MY life. I'll do as I please with what's left of it. And guess what? If this doesn't work there's so many methods both tried and untested that could cause you to CTB. don't be discouraged if people are coming out of the woodwork on this forum putting down your methods or telling you what is and what won't work. People die eating stuff and doing shit everyday. I'm doing what's available to me, and in the time frame I want. I thought this was suppose to be a supportive community and not a place for trolls, and people calling you out for thinking your a troll. A real person with real feelings and fears is behind this post freaking out and offering what she can. Stop being dicks.


TLDR, taking Tagamet, meclizine maybe dimenhydrinate and fuck people who call you a troll or offer their unsolicited negative advice.
Update 1:25am - took meclizine only, not dimenhydrinate. Boiling a cup of water to take to the car as it's freezing outside and I don't want to run the car. Should be warm for 2am. Also taking to the car with me: cut up trash bags from this morning to line my seats with, a bucket in case I puke, candy bar & mints in case the taste is bad.

Was going to use a digital scale to measure but based on previous threads I just need 3 teaspoons of SN. I'm 5 foot 1 and around 150 pounds so I think I'll be okay with that. No food since Saturday afternoon (I think) but I did have a glass of wine Saturday night idk if that's relevant. I also had a few sips of juice this morning after my failed attempt.

Gonna go out now and have a cigarette will be back at 2 am