Story Wow I'm posting in recovery!

[Deleted member 1465]

Wow. What am I doing here? How does this work? Is there a manual of some sort?

I'm still unwell. I still hate where I live. My future is still uncertain. I'm still one step away from spiralling backwards.

But I have been listening to my body and my mind, instead of turning to doctors who I now realise were gas-lighting me so they could label me and fit me into their own agenda, because that was easier than listening and accepting a complex situation with no easy answer. Since I've been out from under their influence, I've been trying to establish some new equilibrium. It's tough, and I keep slipping backwards. But like Insy-Winsy-Spider, I keep getting back up and starting to climb again.

I've been managing my digestive issues. I've been managing to balance my nocturia with the need to sleep and actually getting some quality sleep. That alone makes so much difference. If you haven't experienced chronic insomnia, you are so lucky. It saps your ability to do everything else and rises your anxiety to horrendous levels.

I've been getting out and walking in the woods with the Spring though I've stopped that now.

Today I actually got out into the yard/garden and did ALL the weeding!

First time I've gardened in over four years.

I now have lots of empty plant pots (well, just soil). I'm knackered. Now, if I get the chance, I can walk in the woods and collect various wild plant samples to bring back. That is my mission, if it's at all possible. I even found some water-tight containers in the yard, so I can grow bog plants too.

Tomorrow, I may venture into the back field to see if there is anything interesting growing that I can sample. There are bits of junk dumped there so I may see if I can find some stuff to break up for crocking material. I lost so many tools and materials when I was bullied out of my old home. LOL I have four yard brushes now and no spade. How did that happen?

This is not my home, not my wonderful garden that I had last year. But I feel compelled to make the best out of it as much as I can.

 

[mesohappy]

Sometimes thats all we can do,brother..."make the best out of it,as much as we can".Gotta lotta weeding to do my self around here.Place starting to look like a jungle.Your post warms my heart and inspires me, bud.I need to get off my dead ass,snap out of my slump, and stop making excuses.

 

[Quarky00]

It's really great to hear and lots of insights here.

Insomnia is usually a symptom of other bad issues. It really kills the body & mind more than anything. I probably wrote that thousand times.

Doctors are awful (sorry), and self managing and medication, if you are pedantic thoughtful and careful, really helps.

Sadly it really takes several years of medical diagnosis , testing , medications etc .. plus few more months of total peace and quiet.

And yes , you lose everything along the way ; yes , it's all so fragile ; yes , there is still very little peace

I'm so happy (and envious!) you are connecting with nature in various forms For me this is really the key but I believe that to be helpful for others as well : some air , some green , mild physical activity, watching things grow and change , etc .


Well , glimmer of hope.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

I'm so happy to read this! You go button nosed bear!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Today I tidied and cleaned down the yard, I went for a walk in the back field - no plants of any note, just weeds. So I picked up some crocking material for potting stuff. I noticed all the soil in the pots was just compost, so I dug garden soil out of the beds and mixed it all up together.

Now I feel knackered again, but a satisfied knackered, sitting in the sunshine with a cup of tea. Now I just need to figure out how to get some plants.

 

[Quarky00]

I picked up some crocking material for potting stuff. I noticed all the soil in the pots was just compost, so I dug garden soil out of the beds and mixed it all up together.

What is 'crocking material'? What's wrong with compost for planting?

sitting in the sunshine with a cup of tea

Sounds perfect.

figure out how to get some plants.

STEAL!

Seriously, you're providing/creating life, it's okay I don't mean stealing pots from people just taking cuttings, small stalk with roots, etc.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What is 'crocking material'? What's wrong with compost for planting?



Sounds perfect.



STEAL!

Seriously, you're providing/creating life, it's okay I don't mean stealing pots from people just taking cuttings, small stalk with roots, etc.

Crocking is broken up ceramics and stones to go in the bottom of pots to provide drainage.
Compost is a bit too rich I prefer to mix it with garden soil. Anyway it's old compost and probably depleted.
I take plants from the woods and pathways near houses where domestic garden plants have escaped. Cuttings or whole plugs if there are enough plants. It's just tough to get out at the moment and even if I could, the specimens I want are too far for me to walk.
There is a bloke with an allotment in the back field. The council have been trying to evict him for years. He spends all day pottering about. He practically lives there.
He told me someone had killed the local cockerell and dumped it at his gate. I was sympathetic but secretly relieved that the noisy bugger wouldn't be waking me up at dawn anymore.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Wow. What am I doing here? How does this work? Is there a manual of some sort?

I'm still unwell. I still hate where I live. My future is still uncertain. I'm still one step away from spiralling backwards.

But I have been listening to my body and my mind, instead of turning to doctors who I now realise were gas-lighting me so they could label me and fit me into their own agenda, because that was easier than listening and accepting a complex situation with no easy answer. Since I've been out from under their influence, I've been trying to establish some new equilibrium. It's tough, and I keep slipping backwards. But like Insy-Winsy-Spider, I keep getting back up and starting to climb again.

I've been managing my digestive issues. I've been managing to balance my nocturia with the need to sleep and actually getting some quality sleep. That alone makes so much difference. If you haven't experienced chronic insomnia, you are so lucky. It saps your ability to do everything else and rises your anxiety to horrendous levels.

I've been getting out and walking in the woods with the Spring though I've stopped that now.

Today I actually got out into the yard/garden and did ALL the weeding!

First time I've gardened in over four years.

I now have lots of empty plant pots (well, just soil). I'm knackered. Now, if I get the chance, I can walk in the woods and collect various wild plant samples to bring back. That is my mission, if it's at all possible. I even found some water-tight containers in the yard, so I can grow bog plants too.

Tomorrow, I may venture into the back field to see if there is anything interesting growing that I can sample. There are bits of junk dumped there so I may see if I can find some stuff to break up for crocking material. I lost so many tools and materials when I was bullied out of my old home. LOL I have four yard brushes now and no spade. How did that happen?

This is not my home, not my wonderful garden that I had last year. But I feel compelled to make the best out of it as much as I can.

I'm very proud of you! It can really be the small things like gardening that bring you happiness and a sense of accomplishment.

I understand the whole still being on the fence part. Life can be rather unpredictable and quite the rollercoaster at times. But you've got some real grit to have made it this long. Keep us updated on your progress!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thanks guys. I do appreciate all the likes. Sorry I ramble so much, it kinda my method
Not sure what I'll do tomorrow it's such a small garden. Maybe get some more spare bricks and make bases for pots and stuff.
And drink tea, lots more tea

 

[Deleted member 1465]

More spare bricks salvaged. Walking the field looking for bricks and crocking material is quite archaeological.
I found an old building footprint and some surface demolition debris. I couldn't resist a bit of a firtle with my trowel.
And noted that all the broken pottery etc is ofc at the bottom of the hill.
I talked to the local allotment owner who the council keep trying to evict. He informed me that all the bricks I was taking used to be his buildings that were demolished.
I didn't find many interesting plants though I did sample some borridge that's now in a plant pot.
Oh and the local geese tried to chase me but I told them to fuck off and they flew away.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Holy moly, you've already got weeds growing?!? Damn. What latitude you at? Up where I'm at, we still get lows of -1! Been hoping to plant/grow a bunch of sunflowers in my parents' garden bed this year as soon as it doesn't get cold as shit in the nights anymore.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Holy moly, you've already got weeds growing?!? Damn. What latitude you at? Up where I'm at, we still get lows of -1! Been hoping to plant/grow a bunch of sunflowers in my parents' garden bed this year as soon as it doesn't get cold as shit in the nights anymore.

It's really sunny and warm here in the UK right now. I really want to go out and get some marsh marigold, pink purslane, aquatic mint and water forget-me-nots, but I'm resisting the urge to go and mix with everyone else in the woods.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

It's really sunny and warm here in the UK right now. I really want to go out and get some marsh marigold, pink purslane, aquatic mint and water forget-me-nots, but I'm resisting the urge to go and mix with everyone else in the woods.

Man, ain't that nutty. You guys are at a higher latitude than us, but still have such nice weather than us at this time of year. Climate/geography is such a trippy thing. Hope you're enjoying that! So jealous :)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Man, ain't that nutty. You guys are at a higher latitude than us, but still have such nice weather than us at this time of year. Climate/geography is such a trippy thing. Hope you're enjoying that! So jealous :)

I'm sure it's all jetstream Saharan winds related or something meteorological like that. Was balmy today I actually got a tan.

 

[Epsilon0]

Now this a thread for sore eyes!

Keep digging out those weeds, Underscore :-) You never know what good things you might find buried in the soil.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Now this a thread for sore eyes!

Keep digging out those weeds, Underscore :-) You never know what good things you might find buried in the soil.

Well I found several post Victorian building remains in the back field that used to be allotments.
Also noted the distribution of field walked finds and noticeable old parhways, to try and imagine the old allotment layout.
Then I met one of the locals, the last allotment squatter who explained what used to be there.

 

[Quarky00]

Well I found several post Victorian building remains in the back field that used to be allotments.
Also noted the distribution of field walked finds and noticeable old parhways, to try and imagine the old allotment layout.
Then I met one of the locals, the last allotment squatter who explained what used to be there.

So you're basically back to your old job, archeology ;)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

So you're basically back to your old job, archeology ;)

I have to admit, I stood there and formed a plan of how I'd survey the area, fieldwalk for finds distributions, where I'd put evaluation trenches and how to research it's history.
Old habits die hard.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Weird English weather. Frosty cold in the morning, so I'm cleaning 30 years worth of grime off the kitchen with vinegar and water. Heats up in the afternoon, so I'm doing outside stuff. Then actually gets too hot, so I'm coming back inside to do pc stuff.
Tomorrow I plan to take a lump hammer to the bucket of already broken pottery and plant pots to make crocking/drainage material. And more kitchen cleaning.
Then there is the rest of the house to do. 30 years of tobacco staining on the walls. Yeuk. Needs redecorating. I painted my old home top to bottom. I used to joke that 'the painting never ends.' I don't think I can face paiting another house. I'd do a damn sight better job than the last fuckwit who painted this place though.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Man, that sounds like winning a goddamn war to me!
There will be more, but this one is definitely yours.
Keep on fighting!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Man, that sounds like winning a goddamn war to me!
There will be more, but this one is definitely yours.
Keep on fighting!

Thank you. I just have to know my limits and listen to my body instead of trying to live how I used to live before the illness. I guess all chronic sufferers have to do that.

 

[Epsilon0]

Thank you. I just have to know my limits and listen to my body instead of trying to live how I used to live before the illness. I guess all chronic sufferers have to do that.

The balancing act you describe is literally ruling my life. If I overdo it, I pay a heavy price afterwards.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Today I scouted the back alley and found applemint, three varieties of geranium, comfry and some discarded wallflowers. All have nw been sampled to the yard/garden.
Which I've just decided to call my yarden from now on.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'm not gardening anymore, I've run out of strength. I want to, but no energy. Ahhh well...

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I'm not gardening anymore, I've run out of strength. I want to, but no energy. Ahhh well...

Motivation comes and goes. If you push through the slump it'll come back. You've got to keep going. That way we can have a cooking with @Underscore thread!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Motivation comes and goes. If you push through the slump it'll come back. You've got to keep going. That way we can have a cooking with @Underscore thread!

Hahaha I can't use my cooker. I'm not exactly a slouch when it comes.to tech but it makes no sense. I've contacted Samsung to ask if they can ID the model from a pic and send me a manual.

I spent most of today sitting on the sofa. Not like me. It's not motivation at all. I'm still motivated. I'm just so tired.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I spent most of today sitting on the sofa. Not like me. It's not motivation at all. I'm still motivated. I'm just so tired.

I hope you can get back to feeling better so you can return to gardening. You seemed to get so excited about growing and planting and it would be sad if you lost the ability to go back to it. Just take it easy and take care of yourself for now and maybe you will be able to get back to the garden in no time!

Could the sudden lack of energy have anything at all to do with changing weather conditions? At the beginning of the month, you were doing a lot better and the weather was beautiful then, but now it's going back and forth between being cold af and then being super hot out, so it could be making you feel worse. I know that sort of thing affects my mood, but I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I had to deal with chronic pain on top of it. I hope you feel better soon!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I hope you can get back to feeling better so you can return to gardening. You seemed to get so excited about growing and planting and it would be sad if you lost the ability to go back to it. Just take it easy and take care of yourself for now and maybe you will be able to get back to the garden in no time!

Could the sudden lack of energy have anything at all to do with changing weather conditions? At the beginning of the month, you were doing a lot better and the weather was beautiful then, but now it's going back and forth between being cold af and then being super hot out, so it could be making you feel worse. I know that sort of thing affects my mood, but I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I had to deal with chronic pain on top of it. I hope you feel better soon!

Thank you! I've lots of odd things going on and health is a major concern. I need to take it easy for a while as advised. I still have motivation, just not energy, so I will rest more. Listen to my body, that's the key.

 

[Epsilon0]

Thank you! I've lots of odd things going on and health is a major concern. I need to take it easy for a while as advised. I still have motivation, just not energy, so I will rest more. Listen to my body, that's the key.

That is a very wise attitude.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Went for a walk anyway. Hate being inactive when I'm actually motivated.
Bloody geese attacked me hahahaha. I told them to fuck off and swiped them with a plant pot.
I'll set Dog on the feckers if they don't play nice.