imperfectcircle
Member
- Mar 28, 2026
- 14
It's 6pm and I quite literally wasted the day away by doing nothing, just laying here and occasionally opening reddit or SaSu. I haven't gotten up a single time, and I have so much bullshit I have to do. It truly all feels pointless. I'm unsure about ctb, failing scares me, I still am able to feel relief sometimes, I feel guilty hurting the ones I love. However, as the years pass by, it's starting to feel hopeless. At 13 I decided I'd be part of the 27 club, now at 19 I am considering just leaving early.
My reasoning might be stupid, but the truth is I just hate myself. My actions, the way I cannot ask for help, the way I am the reason for my own suffering, but yet I cannot stop. I'm at a weird place where I still do my responsibilities, but I'm also actively experimenting and practicing hanging methods. I almost just want to tell myself to not get too "hung" up on the details, because the more I learn the more complicated things get. Maybe just being impulsive one last time will ultimately do me, and the world a favor.
The worst part is a hate myself and don't think I deserve love or care, but a big part of me just fucking wants someone to be like "hey, are you really okay?" For someone to worry, for someone to reach out. I need to stop being selfish and realize I'd have to ask for help first, and I'm seemingly incapable of that. I hate this weird phase of unknowing, I just want to stop being a coward and be sure.
If someone wants to talk, or say anything, that'd be nice. I'm sorry for the word vomit, I've just been in my head all day.
My reasoning might be stupid, but the truth is I just hate myself. My actions, the way I cannot ask for help, the way I am the reason for my own suffering, but yet I cannot stop. I'm at a weird place where I still do my responsibilities, but I'm also actively experimenting and practicing hanging methods. I almost just want to tell myself to not get too "hung" up on the details, because the more I learn the more complicated things get. Maybe just being impulsive one last time will ultimately do me, and the world a favor.
The worst part is a hate myself and don't think I deserve love or care, but a big part of me just fucking wants someone to be like "hey, are you really okay?" For someone to worry, for someone to reach out. I need to stop being selfish and realize I'd have to ask for help first, and I'm seemingly incapable of that. I hate this weird phase of unknowing, I just want to stop being a coward and be sure.
If someone wants to talk, or say anything, that'd be nice. I'm sorry for the word vomit, I've just been in my head all day.
