Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Yeee as the title says.. I guess I didn't/have not realized how close I am to suicide. How done with life I am. How confused about things but also not confused.
My life is so.... so... ugh. I dunno the words I just kno I'm writing right now to get this out of me.
If it was a button to turn life off I'd have pushed it by now. I'm so tired of living. Im.so tired of everything. I'm justttttt tiredddd.
It makes me feel kinda scared bc If I can't even handle little bits of engaging then... isn't the decision of living vs dying already made?
It feels like it. My life is done and I don't feel like there's any going back anymore...
sighs...
Yeahh just word vomit as I sit in a like fetal(?) position in bed and wait for the cannabis drink to take enough effect so that I can really relax and shift my mental space. I'm so sad. I thought maybe if I did an extreme break like this I'd be able to gain some perspective.
Nope. Just gained revelations that I am more than ready to die. How fucking depressing. My brain does this stupid thing of wanting to fight the odds and actually try to live but I know how miserable that is and I'm fucking sick of being miserable.
Ugh. Anyway I think cannabis drink is kicking in enough gonna try to watch my YouTube video again.
Im craving Ravioli but I don't really feel like making it but maybe I will shall see.
My life is so.... so... ugh. I dunno the words I just kno I'm writing right now to get this out of me.
If it was a button to turn life off I'd have pushed it by now. I'm so tired of living. Im.so tired of everything. I'm justttttt tiredddd.
It makes me feel kinda scared bc If I can't even handle little bits of engaging then... isn't the decision of living vs dying already made?
It feels like it. My life is done and I don't feel like there's any going back anymore...
sighs... Yeahh just word vomit as I sit in a like fetal(?) position in bed and wait for the cannabis drink to take enough effect so that I can really relax and shift my mental space. I'm so sad. I thought maybe if I did an extreme break like this I'd be able to gain some perspective.
Nope. Just gained revelations that I am more than ready to die. How fucking depressing. My brain does this stupid thing of wanting to fight the odds and actually try to live but I know how miserable that is and I'm fucking sick of being miserable.
Ugh. Anyway I think cannabis drink is kicking in enough gonna try to watch my YouTube video again.
Im craving Ravioli but I don't really feel like making it but maybe I will shall see.
