Discussion Would you have kids if you could or are you against it? (personally/in general)

[passer-by]

I for one feel a crazy biological urge, which is yet another reason to seek an exit asap, as it's something that would only prolong a suffering. Mine and the other innocent souls. Yet I can't stop thinking about it.

Where do you stand?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm an anti natalist. I believe that life shouldn't be imposed upon anybody. Sure, many people may enjoy life but I don't think that's justification to procreate as there's always a chance that they won't and will be wishing that they were never born. Parents talk about protecting their children from the harms of the world but the best way to do that is to not procreate in the first place. Procreation doesn't solve any issue that it doesn't first create. Also, even if your child were to grow up and enjoy their life, it's still unnecessary to give birth to them as it isn't like they are begging for existence and begging to be born. There's just no reason to procreate for the child's sake

 

[chester]

I for one feel a crazy biological urge, which is yet another reason to seek an exit asap, as it's something that would only prolong a suffering. Mine and the other innocent souls. Yet I can't stop thinking about it.

Where do you stand?

I wasn't really far from starting a family, but my fiance died. Sometimes I think that if we had children then I would have "something" left, another human which would have a living part of her in them. It would be my reason to carry on. But maybe it's better we didn't, poor innocent child would need to carry the burden of losing their mother so early. I guess these are just some selfish thoughts resulting from sudden overwhelming loneliness and lack of love in my life.

I no longer see myself as a potential parent, I can't even imagine being in a relationship with anyone. That ship has sailed.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I for one feel a crazy biological urge, which is yet another reason to seek an exit asap, as it's something that would only prolong a suffering. Mine and the other innocent souls. Yet I can't stop thinking about it.

Where do you stand?

None of the options are my case.
I don't feel a biological urge, never did, I have the means to have a child, I think I'd be a pretty good parent and I'm in a long term relationship with a man who I think would be a great father.

My main problem is that it's not guaranteed that a child would bring meaning to my life. It's a gamble, maybe it will, maybe it won't. I've thought about it a lot and, the guaranteed things from having a child are: huge expenses, being uncomfortable/sick for 9 months, have poorer quality of life for undetermined number of years, setback on my career progression and salary, more difficulty buying and paying for a house.

Having children feels like a way to live life on hard mode. They are a financial dead weight. I obviously know they can be wonderful but again, that's not guaranteed.

Another problem is that the anti-natalist views make sense to me. Logically speaking, yes, life may have a ton of suffering and if I don't have a child that child will 100% never suffer. The part of the child being born without consent, there's nothing that can be done about it. That's how all reproduction works in all animals, even if you could ask the fetus prior to being conceived, it wouldn't be able to answer. Decelopment is required to answer that question and that can only be achieved by being alive for X time.

On the other hand, all my life I cared for others by doing charity work and I did enjoy that. I liked making children/teens happy. I like the idea of caring for a child and seeing them find joy in things, discover their interests, experience nice moments. I also think my partner and I have good traits that could be passed down. I think we could give a child a good life and make their experience worth being alive. I don't measure all suffering equal, a lot of people go through life feeling more pleasure than pain.

My boyfriend does feel the biological calling for having kids, I know he always wanted them, he always knew I was on the fence.

I've been pondering a lot about what is the meaning of my life. From a biological standpoint, I think the meaning of life is to survive and reproduce, but it doesn't feel enough for me.

I think answering that question may help in regards to deciding whether to have kids. At this point, my answer is that I don't know.

 

[Darkover]

anyone else notice the percentages for each option is wrong adding them altogether equals more than 100 percent

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm mostly an anti-natilist for myself. However, as an overall concept, I'm not convinced of the morality of bringing a life here that will absolutely have to comply to a lot of difficult situations. At some point, it will very likely have to sustain itself financially. It will very likely go through bereavement, illness and it will 100% age and die. Not very nice to be subjected to without consent. Even worse is not getting the option to opt out. (Not safely or peacefully anyway via assisted suicide.) In the worse case scenario, life can feel like being entered into a hostage situation!

I wouldn't want my child to experience 0.01% of the sadness I have. I weirdly love my unborn children. It seems much kinder not to subject them to this world. That seems like the only sure-fire way to protect them and I'd like to think that if I was a Mum, I'd be a full on mummy bear of one!

That said, I have friends with seemingly happy children (for now.) I'm just keeping my fingers crossed it continues that way. I don't think it's impossible for a person to enjoy their life and, be grateful for it. I can also understand prospective parents who think they can give them that opportunity. I know I couldn't though and, I couldn't bare to watch them suffer. Plus, my genes would be creative. Not a massively useful skill in this world.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I struggle with this topic a lot. On the one hand I genuinely can't logically find any fault with antinatalism. I recognize that someone like me very likely should not have children of my own. At best I should maybe adopt if I ever get the chance but even then I'd be too worried I would ruin their life through my own incompetence.

On the other hand, I can't fully let go of the fantasy of simply having children and leeching fulfillment off of seeing my own creation thrive and blossom into something better than I could ever be. I know this is delusional of me to expect. I know that even if I somehow manage to overcome all of my trauma and personality flaws that it will still be a tough ordeal what with how expensive everything is getting and how horrible culture and society is increasingly becoming for modern youths. Even though I know all this though……I just can't help it. Whenever I am asked to envision a perfect life for me, one where I am happy, I simply can't imagine one without children of my own. Having grandkids would be even more fulfilling for me as cruel as that is.

Four years ago I had my chance to be happy stripped away because of my indecisiveness over this issue. A woman who was otherwise perfect for me in every way but was physically unable to have children broke it off with me (even though she was the one who originally propositioned me) because she knew my mind couldn't be changed. I fear she may have ultimately been right. She was originally from this very forum too and I even made a thread all those years ago debating the pros and cons for me personally.

A lot has changed since then but even after all these years I still can't decide where I really stand on this issue not even for myself.

 

[AnderDethsky]

anyone else notice the percentages for each option is wrong adding them altogether equals more than 100 percent

apparently because you can vote for several options, and n votes made by one person are considered as made by n people. So it turns out that the number of those who voted is greater than the number of those participating

 

[astr4]

i'm an antinatalist, so for me children are out of the question. that being said, i LOVE the idea of adoption and of being a foster parent, potentially giving someone the opportunity to live a better life, i wonder sometimes if it would be fulfilling enough for me to stick around. i just grew up so unwanted, i want a kid to know that i wanted them specifically, that we might not be related by blood but i chose them despite everything, without the obligation that comes with blood. the thought of giving a kid the childhood i never had makes me want to cry. but i could never ever have children of my own, that would only end up creating more suffering.

 

[ringo99]

No I decided against having kids or even marrying in my teens. I'm painfully aware that if I did I'd just fuck them up and ruin their lives too

 

[CogitoMori]

Need an option for "anti-natalist that wants to adopt"

 

[lnlybnny]

I can't even take care of myself lol I think I'd be a terrible parent

 

[Tuonetar_]

I do like the idea of being a mother, but there's no way I would bring any children into the world unless I could guarantee that they'd have a good life. Which is just... not possible.

 

[ctb2soble]

I don't have children, but my husband really wants them and I'm on the fence so we will probably have at least one. My reasons for wanting to ctb are not tied to having children, but I view children as one of the greatest responsibilities you can have in life and would not ctb if I had them unless I got some kind of incurable illness that was pretty much a death sentence. Kids or not, I wouldn't suffer physically long term for anyone.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't ever want to have to have kids. I'm aware of the fact that there is no way I could handle dealing with them and I quite frankly hate the idea of getting pregnant. I'd honestly prefer to stab myself in the womb over getting pregnant. I also feel like having children is one of the most selfish things one can do and I don't want to force someone into existence and have them suffer just because of my own selfish desire. That's not getting into how messy, loud, and gross children are. I've already witnessed it with my little brother and it only aided in cementing the idea that having kids isn't for me (along with how my treatment of him was awful and something I still feel incredibly guilty about despite things dramatically improving between us once I cut my ex-stepmother out of my life). I also don't want to risk traumatizing them too.

I'm not against others having kids, but I do tend to side-eye it. I also hate it when they run around announcing it and you are expected to congratulate them even though they didn't accomplish anything. I'm generally not a huge fan of people who decide to have kids, but I try to respect their decisions (even if I don't like them).

 

[Downdraft]

anyone else notice the percentages for each option is wrong adding them altogether equals more than 100 percent

Venezuelan polls smh.

 

[divinemistress36]

I couldnt live with myself if I had a child that ended up with my depression genes. Its such a cruel life to live

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I don't fit in fully with any group of people but I like a lot of what the antinatalists have to say and I am also childfree. So many reasons not to breed, I could write a book. I used to be open to adoption but the truth is, I am allergic to children.

 

[lemonbunny]

it's what my parents want for me, and i hate my parents. i will never be responsible for making another child go through what i did

 

[needthebus]

I for one feel a crazy biological urge, which is yet another reason to seek an exit asap, as it's something that would only prolong a suffering. Mine and the other innocent souls. Yet I can't stop thinking about it.

Where do you stand?

I love this question because it's something we all usually deal with in some way or another.

I'm sort of an anti-natalist and think creating people who will just suffer is mean

but perhaps if I had found the right person and fallen in love I would have wanted to if they would have wanted to, just to be selfish even if it's mean to children who could suffer based on how the world is cruel. i sometimes fantasize about a better life or hope i'm in some sort of virtual horror simulation life and one day I'll wake up into my real life. i know it won't happen, but i can hope, can't I?

i think it's hard for humans to be happy without taking care of things. i'm too kind to buy a cat when i am this suicidal, so it's true: if i die, the house plant will suffer, and i will feel bad about this if the time comes