I think there was a point I was in such a deep, dark hell only a year or two ago that I absolutely would have chosen something similar to this, particularly with a family member who basically sealed my fate of struggle, pain, and isolation. The anger I felt towards this person consumed me and I wanted (almost needed) for them to know the level of unnecessary suffering they caused me with their selfishness. If it meant destroying myself in order to destroy their life, I would have found the idea appealing because I no longer valued my own life. Enough time has passed that I would no longer want to inflict the same level of harm but I do know this feeling and it's a rather ugly one.