Venting worth going through the effort?

[emoplugg]

hey, it's nice to meet all of you. i joined today because i wanted a place i can openly talk about this kind of stuff without just being told to not CTB, so yeah hello!

there's a few things i still enjoy. i love listening to new music, smoking lots of weed, watching youtube/anime/whatever. it just seems like everything that can go wrong does go wrong. weed is the only thing really keeping me going at this point, it distracts me in a way nothing else gets even close to. i'm completely fucking miserable sober. but of course as soon as i need to purchase more i find out my bank disabled my card for some fucking reason. i don't have the energy to contact them and im usually asleep during their hours anyway due to my flipped sleep schedule. either way i can only get two more ounces purchased with the amount of money i have which will only last me around a month, so its like, do i go through all of the effort just for another month of misery? one could could say that things might get better, but ive been suicidal for months at this point and depressed for years, i've gone to therapy, i'm on antidepressants, i highly doubt shit will improve.

i have some rope coming in the mail i'll be using for if/when i do decide to CTB. i could do it as early as tomorrow night, but i'm still not certain. if i'm not able to get more weed then i probably will. sorry for the ramble haha, i just need a place to vent my thoughts, so thanks for reading <3

 

[Timothy7dff]

If you're not in a deep state life destruction program, than effort might be worthwhile.

 

[Grimpoteuthis]

Only you can decide for yourself. Best wishes!

 

[Leo._.]

hey, it's nice to meet all of you. i joined today because i wanted a place i can openly talk about this kind of stuff without just being told to not CTB, so yeah hello!

there's a few things i still enjoy. i love listening to new music, smoking lots of weed, watching youtube/anime/whatever. it just seems like everything that can go wrong does go wrong. weed is the only thing really keeping me going at this point, it distracts me in a way nothing else gets even close to. i'm completely fucking miserable sober. but of course as soon as i need to purchase more i find out my bank disabled my card for some fucking reason. i don't have the energy to contact them and im usually asleep during their hours anyway due to my flipped sleep schedule. either way i can only get two more ounces purchased with the amount of money i have which will only last me around a month, so its like, do i go through all of the effort just for another month of misery? one could could say that things might get better, but ive been suicidal for months at this point and depressed for years, i've gone to therapy, i'm on antidepressants, i highly doubt shit will improve.

i have some rope coming in the mail i'll be using for if/when i do decide to CTB. i could do it as early as tomorrow night, but i'm still not certain. if i'm not able to get more weed then i probably will. sorry for the ramble haha, i just need a place to vent my thoughts, so thanks for reading <3

This is so relatable, especially... well everything xdd and oh not having energy or care to deal with dumb problems like the bank omg that's me with everything. Except weed, I've tried it so many times but it feels awful. I've also had medication and tried therapy for years and it doesn't work for me either. It's so sad when you see how there's nothing you can really do to improve things in a critical, important, necessary way. I've been suicidal for years, but trying to save up hope... wasn't worth it for me, but at least someone else benefitted from it.

 

[emoplugg]

it just seems like everything that can go wrong does go wrong.

haha, one of my last two joints just rolled off a shelf i sat it on, bounced off my hand, and went into a tiny opening in the air vent cover. i've been rationing these, but it's actually so ridiculous and on character i can't help but laugh