worst night of my life

[chudeatte]

maybe its just because ive had a little to drink but it doesn't matter. everything is terrible and its all catching up to me. im a complete failure. ill never be anything. I can't work, I can't go to university, I hate my family, I have no one who cares about me, nothing. what else am I supposed to do. im living for nothing at this point. I know I need to kill myself before august of next year because I dont want to go to university, and I dont want to deal with my family asking why and pressuring me to leave. I never asked to be born. I dont know why I need to go through this. im grateful for my dogs though. they all came to me tonight like they could sense I was struggling and are in my bed, and I have one cuddling up to me as I type. im so grateful for them. they make me happy and I love them a lot but its just not enough to fix anything. tonight im so depressed I can't handle it. its the worst ive ever felt hands down, I dont have the energy to even lift my head from my pillow. I feel miserable I have cut myself so much and even though ive sworn off alcohol because of how my family is, ive been drinking. fuck my life. I dont ever see it getting better. everything is just weighing on me. I can't even think straight. please if anyone has any words of advice for me let me know. I really need some support tonight because im on the edge of making an attempt again and I can't talk to anyone else. thank you all, pls have a good day or night wherever you are

 

[monetpompo]

i'm sending you love. i'm going through the same thing and i truly have no advice for you. i don't know what you would want to hear. it's hard not having a clear direction in life and having no obligation to live besides your pets (i have a kitty cat) is really, really hard. i hope you make it through the night, but if you make an attempt then i hope that it doesn't cause you more pain. your family isn't supportive at all. they only see you not progressing and they think that they're help by pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. i'm sorry that your day is going like this. i still like reading the things you post.

 

[chudeatte]

i'm sending you love. i'm going through the same thing and i truly have no advice for you. i don't know what you would want to hear. it's hard not having a clear direction in life and having no obligation to live besides your pets (i have a kitty cat) is really, really hard. i hope you make it through the night, but if you make an attempt then i hope that it doesn't cause you more pain. your family isn't supportive at all. they only see you not progressing and they think that they're help by pressuring you to do something you don't want to do. i'm sorry that your day is going like this. i still like reading the things you post.

thank you it really means a lot. theyre not exactly pressuring me but its just that I have no other choice. my mother wants me to move out since im 19 and thats really where a lot of the pressure comes from, so I feel like I need to go to university or ill be stuck at home with her telling me to leave. it sucks. I dont know how to even open up to my older sister which is the only family member that might care about me, but im so desperate for someone to help me I am so alone. I just want someone to care but no one even knows what im going through. but really, thank you. it means a lot you'd even reply and im wishing you the best in all your struggles too

 

[HangMan123]

maybe its just because ive had a little to drink but it doesn't matter. everything is terrible and its all catching up to me. im a complete failure. ill never be anything. I can't work, I can't go to university, I hate my family, I have no one who cares about me, nothing. what else am I supposed to do. im living for nothing at this point. I know I need to kill myself before august of next year because I dont want to go to university, and I dont want to deal with my family asking why and pressuring me to leave. I never asked to be born. I dont know why I need to go through this. im grateful for my dogs though. they all came to me tonight like they could sense I was struggling and are in my bed, and I have one cuddling up to me as I type. im so grateful for them. they make me happy and I love them a lot but its just not enough to fix anything. tonight im so depressed I can't handle it. its the worst ive ever felt hands down, I dont have the energy to even lift my head from my pillow. I feel miserable I have cut myself so much and even though ive sworn off alcohol because of how my family is, ive been drinking. fuck my life. I dont ever see it getting better. everything is just weighing on me. I can't even think straight. please if anyone has any words of advice for me let me know. I really need some support tonight because im on the edge of making an attempt again and I can't talk to anyone else. thank you all, pls have a good day or night wherever you are

My dog does the same thing ! Whenever I'm super upset he comes into my room and gives me his paw—it's so adorable. He always helps me to clam down a bit for the time being. I've read that it's a mixture of their good smell (they can actually smell chemical emotional changes in your body) and their good hearing (they can hear you crying and such). Sometimes fun facts like that can help ground you (at least it works for me).

I'm sorry that your family is so insistent—that sounds really tough. It isn't fair, and honestly, you don't need to go to university to be successful, unlike what many people will have you believe. Take plumbers, for example: those guys only need a high school diploma and they charge you $200 just to walk into your house! And that's just one example.

I really hope you're okay. Even if your family doesn't support you, the people on here and your doggos always will.

 

[chudeatte]

My dog does the same thing ! Whenever I'm super upset he comes into my room and gives me his paw—it's so adorable. He always helps me to clam down a bit for the time being. I've read that it's a mixture of their good smell (they can actually smell chemical emotional changes in your body) and their good hearing (they can hear you crying and such). Sometimes fun facts like that can help ground you (at least it works for me).

I'm sorry that your family is so insistent—that sounds really tough. It isn't fair, and honestly, you don't need to go to university to be successful, unlike what many people will have you believe. Take plumbers, for example: those guys just need a high school diploma and they charge you $200 just to walk into your house! And that's just one example.

I really hope you're okay. Even if your family doesn't support you, the people on here and you doggos always will.

thank you they really do help, even when I feel as bad as I do I love them a lot and they help me even if its just momentary. they mean a lot to me and theyre the biggest reason why I reconsider killing myself. its just my mother I dislike. she causes me a lot of issues especially with the whole moving out thing. idk how to deal with it honestly, but every time my dogs come to me I stop freaking out because I dont want to scare them in any way. they honestly help a lot even if I dont realise. if I have them I can cope and im so glad people on here can listen when I have no one it means a lot to me thank you for the encouragement

 

[HangMan123]

thank you they really do help, even when I feel as bad as I do I love them a lot and they help me even if its just momentary. they mean a lot to me and theyre the biggest reason why I reconsider killing myself. its just my mother I dislike. she causes me a lot of issues especially with the whole moving out thing. idk how to deal with it honestly, but every time my dogs come to me I stop freaking out because I dont want to scare them in any way. they honestly help a lot even if I dont realise. if I have them I can cope and im so glad people on here can listen when I have no one it means a lot to me thank you for the encouragement

Anytime. I'm truly sorry that you're going through so much. I am always here if you need to talk with anyone.