Venting Workplace bigotry

[borderline-feline]

I was deadnamed by my employer. I haven't been able to legally change my name yet, so that part is one thing, but my deadname was put in a place where anyone could see it, which is blatant negligence.

I emailed the HR manager, informing her that this was the second time that this happened and that it's unacceptable. She wanted to meet with me and talk, and then the trainwreck happened.

I explained the issue and what should be done to fix it, and then got lectured. She started by saying that she understands that it's a problem, but then she said that I was "aggressive" in my email, reprimanding me for being angry over workplace discrimination.

After that, she told me that my deadname had to be used because it's my legal name (I already knew that and never took issue with it). She proceeded to diminish what actually happened, all while telling me that I needed to think about how other people react to the things that I say.

Somehow, I was made the villain in the situation when I'd experienced workplace discrimination. I decided to be a doormat though, because I didn't want to get fired for standing up for myself.

She thinks that she can get away with treating people like shit just because she's the HR manager, but the sad thing is that there's nothing I can do. If I try to stand up for myself, then it'll be seen as being a bitch, and I'll just get in trouble, possibly even get fired. I fucking hate this transphobic bullshit.

She also had the nerve to tell me (in reference to me being trans) that if I want to be taken seriously, then I need to "own it". Only someone who doesn't understand dysphoria and transphobia coule manage to say something so stupid and offensive.

 

[Roseate]

That is completely unfair, you are supposed to worry about what you say but your coworkers can purposely dead name you. It's unfair you have to go through that. It's a simple thing and takes zero effort to say or correct yourself. Some people are so miserable, they want to make everyone else around them as miserable too. I am sorry you have to experience such crap.

 

[borderline-feline]

That is completely unfair, you are supposed to worry about what you say but your coworkers can purposely dead name you. It's unfair you have to go through that. It's a simple thing and takes zero effort to say or correct yourself. Some people are so miserable, they want to make everyone else around them as miserable too. I am sorry you have to experience such crap.

None of my coworkers have said a thing about it, but the fact that an envelope with my deadname was put out on a table with a bunch of other envelopes that had people's names on them is negligent at best and malicious at worst.

I wanna quit, but I don't have any other options for money and insurance.

 

[gizzreid]

this makes me so angry. i am so sorry this happened to you. genuinely horrifying that they can get away with it. does your company have anyone higher than HR you can reach out to, or possibly an organization in your area that specializes in this stuff? if you work for a big company they may not want it getting out and ruining their image

 

[thecolourgold]

After that, she told me that my deadname had to be used because it's my legal name (I already knew that and never took issue with it)

I'm what context did your deadname have to be used? If it's anything other than your paycheck or taxes, they are lying to you. I understand if you want to keep this job but frankly, this sounds like the start of a huge workplace discrimination lawsuit to me.

 

[Roseate]

None of my coworkers have said a thing about it, but the fact that an envelope with my deadname was put out on a table with a bunch of other envelopes that had people's names on them is negligent at best and malicious at worst.

I wanna quit, but I don't have any other options for money and insurance.

Exactly. HR should've apologized and corrected their mistake then next time make sure to not make the same mistake again. It's simple. I don't understand people like that. Businesses like that will only lose money in the long run.

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm what context did your deadname have to be used? If it's anything other than your paycheck or taxes, they are lying to you. I understand if you want to keep this job but frankly, this sounds like the start of a huge workplace discrimination lawsuit to me.

It was on an envelope that contained a breakdown of my quarterly bonus, so I would assume that it was necessary. The envelope was left out on a table alongside the other ones during a quarterly town hall meeting.

The previous time that my deadname was used was on the birthday calendar that's displayed on monitors around the building. I forgave that one because it hadn't happened before and because the names were just copied over from the database we use for paychecks and paid time off.

 

[leavingsoon99]

God, I'm so sorry for you in this. People have the wrong idea about me through someone. I hate humans, honestly. I'm so done with workplaces. I love that I have a work from home arrangement with my current job. Man, I'm sorry for you. That sucks.

 

[UKscotty]

Your legal name is your legal name. Try not to overthink things, it will only make you ill.

If you want to make it legal, change your name. Work places can't just use any old random name people want, it would be chaos.

 

[borderline-feline]

Your legal name is your legal name. Try not to overthink things, it will only make you ill.

If you want to make it legal, change your name. Work places can't just use any old random name people want, it would be chaos.

The problem wasn't the use of my legal name; the problem was the fact that it was put where other people could see it. That's discrimination.

I'm currently working on changing my name. It's a process that takes time.

It's not "any old random name"; it's my name, the name everyone calls me, the only name I respond to. I understand that you probably didn't mean to come across the way that you did, but you came across as very dismissive of a genuine problem.

Please don't respond again if you're gonna stick to your guns on this.

 

[fuzzy-clown]

Did they do that on purpose? Unless you have reason to believe they are doing it on purpose, it's more likely someone worked off some excel sheet without thinking about your situation. I wouldn't call it discrimination or bigotry.

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

That's awful! I'm so sorry. I understand that there's some kinks in the workplace fabric around legalities. But honestly, it's not okay to dismiss your identity and feelings. They could make some effort to respect you. It makes me so sad when these things happen. I hope you're okay.

 

[borderline-feline]

Did they do that on purpose? Unless you have reason to believe they are doing it on purpose, it's more likely someone worked off some excel sheet without thinking about your situation. I wouldn't call it discrimination or bigotry.

Please leave me alone, especially if you're going to misrepresent what I said (regardless of whether or not it was intentional).

That's awful! I'm so sorry. I understand that there's some kinks in the workplace fabric around legalities. But honestly, it's not okay to dismiss your identity and feelings. They could make some effort to respect you. It makes me so sad when these things happen. I hope you're okay.

That's the really unfortunate thing. I can't do anything about how I was treated. Even if I say something about how much of a bitch the HR manager was, I doubt that anyone would believe me.

 

[WaitingToGo]

That's awful and it must've cut right through you. So very sorry you had to endure that and especially from HR. I'm trying to remember back to my situation 40 years ago to the company I came out to/in. Even back then nobody deadnamed me. I think I'd already changed my name legally so it was a formality. Systems were changed and correspondence had my new name on it. It should be easier now to make transgender people go through name changes and other things that have to be done. Every time I read what's happening now to people I thank god (if there is such a thing) that I transitioned all those years ago in the UK. Even back then my work colleagues were brilliant and always used my new name. Once again I'm so sorry for your experience at work, there's just no need for it nowadays.

 

[borderline-feline]

That's awful and it must've cut right through you. So very sorry you had to endure that and especially from HR. I'm trying to remember back to my situation 40 years ago to the company I came out to/in. Even back then nobody deadnamed me. I think I'd already changed my name legally so it was a formality. Systems were changed and correspondence had my new name on it. It should be easier now to make transgender people go through name changes and other things that have to be done. Every time I read what's happening now to people I thank god (if there is such a thing) that I transitioned all those years ago in the UK. Even back then my work colleagues were brilliant and always used my new name. Once again I'm so sorry for your experience at work, there's just no need for it nowadays.

It's unfortunate how time-consuming and expensive a name change is. It's a complicated process, and that's why I haven't gotten it done yet.

 

[searchingpeace]

I cant imagine all the nastiness trans people go through. What is so fucking hard about just calling you the name you want?? Its very simple but they chose not to. People just go out of their way to hurt another

 

[CentreMid]

I was deadnamed by my employer. I haven't been able to legally change my name yet, so that part is one thing, but my deadname was put in a place where anyone could see it, which is blatant negligence.

I emailed the HR manager, informing her that this was the second time that this happened and that it's unacceptable. She wanted to meet with me and talk, and then the trainwreck happened.

I explained the issue and what should be done to fix it, and then got lectured. She started by saying that she understands that it's a problem, but then she said that I was "aggressive" in my email, reprimanding me for being angry over workplace discrimination.

After that, she told me that my deadname had to be used because it's my legal name (I already knew that and never took issue with it). She proceeded to diminish what actually happened, all while telling me that I needed to think about how other people react to the things that I say.

Somehow, I was made the villain in the situation when I'd experienced workplace discrimination. I decided to be a doormat though, because I didn't want to get fired for standing up for myself.

She thinks that she can get away with treating people like shit just because she's the HR manager, but the sad thing is that there's nothing I can do. If I try to stand up for myself, then it'll be seen as being a bitch, and I'll just get in trouble, possibly even get fired. I fucking hate this transphobic bullshit.

She also had the nerve to tell me (in reference to me being trans) that if I want to be taken seriously, then I need to "own it". Only someone who doesn't understand dysphoria and transphobia coule manage to say something so stupid and offensive.

Yikes that is horrible! I'm sorry you had to go through that! Is there any way for you to find another job? Places like that aren't worth working for.

 

[borderline-feline]

Yikes that is horrible! I'm sorry you had to go through that! Is there any way for you to find another job? Places like that aren't worth working for.

Unfortunately, I have no other options since I can't drive. As it is, my disability makes it difficult to work, but I can't afford to quit because I'd lose my insurance.

 

[charlotte_]

Jesus, that is beyond insane and I'm so sorry you have to gone through this. That is absolutely unfair. I don't fully understand the trans struggle, but it's just ridiculous that people never care enough to think twice about how an action would affect others. You don't deserve any of that, and please don't see yourself as any lower just because they do. No one should be discriminated just for their fucking gender. Anyway, I hope you find a better place and have a chance to change your name soon. I know you can't right now, but still, I wish you the best. But no matter what, you're still a lady, and an awesome one.