FinalVoid25
Member
- Dec 22, 2024
- 24
I don't understand how the average human can just wake up every morning and perform all these stupid tasks called work, and it was ALWAYS like this, even in kindergarten they had to call my parents cause my autism was already so severe that I would just sit in some corner and refuse to participate in the stuff that we were told to do, because I didnt want to be there, I wanted to be free. Throughout school it got worse and worse with 8 years bullying and teachers screaming and even throwing stuff at me because they were frustrated that I refused to do tasks that I deemed unreasonable.
I had such a strong will to resist authority, I would rather stand in the corner for an hour as punishment every day than be forced to do some bullshit work. Because thats what school is, unpaid work. And when I became an adult it just went on and on like this and my mental health got worse and worse...I'm 22 now and out of school since I was 16, never had a job for more than a few weeks. I always break down and cant do the tasks properly and come home screaming and crying myself to sleep because of this horrible existence called life that everyone else around me seems to have no problem with and tells me is beautiful.
I know I should be ashamed to contribute nothing to society and to still live with my parents, but I just can't feel it. Something in my brain was always so different from everyone else and I dont know why, cause even most people with asperger autism have still some plans for their life and some goals, but I never had those. I don't have a desire for career, for expensives clothes, cars, travels, whatever...I don't want a relationship, I had sex a few times and that was also not all that exciting tbh...I have two people I can call friends, but that is also just the sort of friendship where I can talk about games or politics with them, I notice they dont really care about hearing my feelings and also cant relate at all so the contact with those two has become less and less in the last 6 months.
I feel like the only logical action would be for my existence to end. Because I don't display any socially acceptable type of human behaviour and don't contribute positively to society.
I had such a strong will to resist authority, I would rather stand in the corner for an hour as punishment every day than be forced to do some bullshit work. Because thats what school is, unpaid work. And when I became an adult it just went on and on like this and my mental health got worse and worse...I'm 22 now and out of school since I was 16, never had a job for more than a few weeks. I always break down and cant do the tasks properly and come home screaming and crying myself to sleep because of this horrible existence called life that everyone else around me seems to have no problem with and tells me is beautiful.
I know I should be ashamed to contribute nothing to society and to still live with my parents, but I just can't feel it. Something in my brain was always so different from everyone else and I dont know why, cause even most people with asperger autism have still some plans for their life and some goals, but I never had those. I don't have a desire for career, for expensives clothes, cars, travels, whatever...I don't want a relationship, I had sex a few times and that was also not all that exciting tbh...I have two people I can call friends, but that is also just the sort of friendship where I can talk about games or politics with them, I notice they dont really care about hearing my feelings and also cant relate at all so the contact with those two has become less and less in the last 6 months.
I feel like the only logical action would be for my existence to end. Because I don't display any socially acceptable type of human behaviour and don't contribute positively to society.