Discussion Woman Charged In Boyfriend’s Suicide

[Jean4]

Opinions? Do you believe you can push someone to CTB?

Woman charged in New Jersey boyfriend's suicide day of Boston College graduation

Prosecutors say a former Boston College student who had "complete and total control" over her boyfriend has been indicted on an involuntary manslaughter charge for allegedly encouraging him to take his own life.

abc7ny.com

 

[Rachel74]

I believe they can. She turned a successful young man into this by manipulating him. She deserves everything she gets.

 

[Grey-zone]

Generally the successful don't up and kill themselves. I'm not weeping over it, because a thousand "losers" do this every day without any media attention or commiseration, but it certainly seems that she manipulated him into doing it. If the law is changing to reflect this, I'm partially fine with it, although worried that sympathizing with a person's desire to die could somehow be included as part of a zealous push ("awareness"!) against suicide.

 

[Jean4]

I believe they can. She turned a successful young man into this by manipulating him. She deserves everything she gets.

Can you manipulate someone who has no suicidal ideations into doing so? I really don't know.

 

[Darkhaven]

In severe cases of "brainwashing" or emotional manipulation, yes i think one can push another person into killing themselves. But every fact has to be very well pondered as to understand if the will to ctb really was created by the manipulator or if it was already there and merely exploited. Each case deserves a different treatment by the judge and the corresponding sentence should vary according to the degree of guilt of the offender.

 

[Jean4]

Generally the successful don't up and kill themselves. I'm not weeping over it, because a thousand "losers" do this every day without any media attention or commiseration, but it certainly seems that she manipulated him into doing it. If the law is changing to reflect this, I'm partially fine with it, although worried that sympathizing with a person's desire to die could somehow be included as part of a zealous push ("awareness"!) against suicide.

How can you manipulate someone who doesn't want to kill themselves to do so. Someone can tell me a million times to take Heroin. I'm not going to do it. I can't be manipulated into taking it.

In severe cases of "brainwashing" or emotional manipulation, yes i think one can push another person into killing themselves. But every fact has to be very well pondered as to understand if the will to ctb really was created by the manipulator or if it was already there and merely exploited. Each case deserves a different treatment by the judge and the corresponding sentence should vary according to the degree of guilt of the offender.

I think there has to be some suicidal feelings already there which she just brought to the surface.

 

[passenger27]

Opinions? Do you believe you can push someone to CTB?

Woman charged in New Jersey boyfriend's suicide day of Boston College graduation

Prosecutors say a former Boston College student who had "complete and total control" over her boyfriend has been indicted on an involuntary manslaughter charge for allegedly encouraging him to take his own life.

abc7ny.com

In this particular case, it looks like the poor guy did get pushed too hard. On the other hand, there's always a choice. You can walk away from a toxic relationship if you have the courage.

Articles like this always worry me because my girlfriend & I decided mutually to CTB together months ago (we're waiting on a particular date). She just mentioned out of the blue 1 day she didn't want to live anymore because of health issues (mind and body; she's borderline) & since I'd already been thinking about CTB months before because of money issues (not to mention my own issues with mental illness. I'm bipolar), I agreed wholeheartedly. She didn't have to twist my arm at all, in other words.

My problem is what if 1 of us survives? Would she/me be criminally charged? This has been on my mind a lot. Can anybody enlighten me?

 

[Darkhaven]

How can you manipulate someone who doesn't want to kill themselves to do so. Someone can tell me a million times to take Heroin. I'm not going to do it. I can't be manipulated into taking it.

That depends on the person being manipulated. Some people can be very fragile.
Specially a young guy trying to impress or get into a girl's pants.

 

[Jean4]

In this particular case, it looks like the poor guy did get pushed too hard. On the other hand, there's always a choice. You can walk away from a toxic relationship if you have the courage.

Articles like this always worry me because my girlfriend & I decided mutually to CTB together months ago (we're waiting on a particular date). She just mentioned out of the blue 1 day she didn't want to live anymore because of health issues (mind and body; she's borderline) & since I'd already been thinking about CTB months before because of money issues (not to mention my own issues with mental illness. I'm bipolar), I agreed wholeheartedly. She didn't have to twist my arm at all, in other words.

My problem is what if 1 of us survives? Would she/me be criminally charged? This has been on my mind a lot. Can anybody enlighten me?

This is why I posted it. It is something to think about. The criminality surrounding it. I honestly don't know the answer.

 

[Ratherbeskinny]

Not sure if "go kill yourself!!1!" would do it in most cases, but yes, I do think some people are able to manipulate another person into hating themselves and their life so much, they'd rather end it all.

 

[purplemoon]

I think if you are emotionally invested in someone in any relationship, and that person becomes intentionally abusive and/or extremely neglectful, it can push you farther over or closer to the edge. What that particular "edge" really means depends on variables in the suicidal person's environment, current pressures, and feelings of whether it can get better or not.

I don't think she is entirely to blame, but probably 30 to 50% depending on how she abused him and if she was aware he was falling apart.

Every time my sister repeatedly becomes especially cruel and harsh, just like our father, I certainly feel even further pushed to the edge every time. I even tried to make obvious hints that I am/was/continuously suicidal , including saying things like I wish I'd never been born, or, if I could just hurry up and have a heart attack I wouldn't have to keep going through this nightmare, or maybe if i'm lucky i will just freeze to death if i become homeless in my car... She just continues to be brutal saying the most horrifying things that make me feel not only insulted and disrespected but make me feel even worse and more hopeless about how my entire life / existence with 95% either physically violent or extremely emotionally abusive family members but then she makes sure to give me little gifts like a bathroom carpet. Ohhh, yeah, carpets totally make abuse worth it *sarcasm*.

I wish/would rather have her love and support, like I could actually talk to her, but apparently that's impossible with the only family member i have left in this overwhelming exhausting world. That's another reason why even though I am on this forum, I'm actually a bit on the fence, as I can see both sides points as valid. I will never encourage anyone to ctb, but I also think it's their personal right in their decision for their own life. If anything, I try to be kind and try to give them some caring or at least sympathy.

My point is, especially if someone is already close to the edge, and you do something cruel to them, they likely want to die sooner and with a sense of more rushed urgency.

People who say That it's not their fault if someone committed suicide can be wrong; if you contributed to their pain and suffering that made them want to die the first place, you ARE partially responsible, even if it's only 5% out of 100, it's still adding to the very reason they "can't take it anymore".

In other words, if they already feel like they have a mountain on top of their head symbolically of pain, and you keep throwing on spoonfuls on top of the mountain of pain... especially if you know they're in pain and don't care... then that's a partial responsibility. The only possible exception being if that person is a direct threat to your personal safety and well-being, or if they themselves are abusive and you're trying to get them out of your life. So unless they are dangerous to you personally, why be cruel to someone who's already suffering immensely? I just think that's sickening.

People should try to be decent if someone is already depressed or suicidal, not cruel on top of it. Suicidal feelings are very overwhelming and should be taken seriously, people should be careful and be respectful to those in tremendous pain.

People also need to stop this brainwashed socialized NONSENSE acting like the only problem with suicidal people is that they merely have some type of "mental problem" when in fact we're just having a normal reaction to traumatizing experiences and/ or the most horrible and UNsupportive environment. People are not "just lazy" or "codependent" they are in PAIN and need goodness around them, not criticism and insults.

Think about it, if you know that they're already depressed and overwhelmed, and they're standing near the edge of a cliff, and you just go ahead and give them one push and they start falling off, are you not partly responsible for the final cruel push?

If you're cruel instead of kind to someone already down...
what does that say about who you are?

I think she should be held partly accountable if she was willfully cruel for no reason... especially if he reached out in his suffering for kindness and instead she just mocked him and in told him to go ahead and just off himself with no respect and no conscience, just cruelty... unacceptable.

Suicidal People should be treated gently...

 

[MeltingHeart]

There was this one before also:

Michelle Carter, convicted in texting suicide case, is denied parole

Michelle Carter was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in 2017 for urging Conrad Roy to kill himself.

abcnews.go.com

 

[Nem]

Sounds like a controlling cocksmoker like my ex
Peace/hugs

 

[WhiteDespair]

@Jean4 it is definitely possible to manipulate someone into CtB or doing heroin. It's just out of our frames of reference at this point. My friend watched his Dad fall under the control of a Lady MacBeth. It got to the point where he would wince when she would yell at him. He eventually left everything to her as executor of his estate. Granted, the information is being filtered through my friend.

I was raised in an evironment of manipulation and games. It can get so bad that you'll do things you don't want to or stop doing things that you want to because of the manipulation. A good example is finding out the cat that used to sleep by my had died. I was told to pick the cat up at the vet. When I declined is when I was told that the cat died. I didn't even hear that my dog was euthanized until a month later. I had my family stripped away from me and constricted until it was just my mother and my aunt, uncle and cousins. I have regrets about that. I am lucky to have gotten into contact with my Dad. He's a great guy. It's a shame that the ultimate punishment was the threat to live with him because, in hindsight, I would have definitely chosen that.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I was watching Michelle Carter's HBO docummentary. That's very controversial.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Can you manipulate someone who has no suicidal ideations into doing so? I really don't know.

You can break someone down mentally over time. It's a gradual process but it happens. When you love someone as well, it's easy to become infatuated, do anything to keep that person and your thoughts and perspectives become warped.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Yes, you can manipulate people into suicide. Even if he was suicidal, it doesn't justify her behavior. There is a difference between accepting someones suicide and encouraging them to kill themselves. Some people get off when they have power over other people and enjoy bullying them and this was clearly the case here, so it's a good thing she was charged with manslaughter. I quote from this article: https://brooklyn.news12.com/story/4...connection-with-new-jersey-boyfriends-suicide

Inyoung You, 21, was "physically, verbally and psychologically abusive" to fellow Boston College student Alexander Urtula during an 18-month relationship, Suffolk District Attorney Rachael Rollins said at a news conference.

You sent Urtula, 22, of Cedar Grove, New Jersey, more than 47,000 text messages in the last two months of the relationship, including many urging him to "go kill yourself" or "go die," Rollins said. You also tracked Urtula and was nearby when he died in Boston on May 20, the day of his Boston College graduation.

"Many of the messages display the power dynamic of the relationship, wherein Ms. You made demands and threats with the understanding that she had complete and total control over Mr. Urtula both mentally and emotionally," Rollins said.

You isolated Urtula from friends and family and was aware of the depression and suicidal thoughts brought on by her abuse, the district attorney said.

This is manipulative and malicious. I doubt anyone in this forum who is truly pro-choice can defend these actions. If anyone in this forum would tell another member to "go die" or "go kill yourself", as she did, they would be banned from this place for good reasons.