Venting without worth

[pdyduc]

Theres so many things about me that I hate. I cant do anything, i cant deal with high stress situations in any way and I cant deal with even low stress situations. (1) when i dropped out of college because of stress and anxiety, i cried every night and finally left. I dont think ill ever go to school now, theres no reason to. (2) moving to a new city, cant even handle that. i have a great life (?) and it just seems to be my brain. i take anti-depressants and they dont work, if i renewed my perscription i think there would be enough to make me throw up, but i dont think i would die. im too scared to tell my doctor that im not sure they are working, becuase its always my fault anyways. its always me who messes something up and thats why the pills arent working. i am definitively a waste of breath on this earth, i would never say that about anybody else except for myself. i would love to kill myself, but its my own cowardice that keeps me from doing so. i cant handle anything. maybe im ungreatful or a piece of garbage for not being happy with what i have but i dont know how to be happy. my brain just doesnt get happy anymore, even if i do things that i know i should enjoy, im not fucking happy. i dont enjoy anything anymore. therapy tells me that its anxiety, and that i can do things to make myself happier but ive never quite got there. ive dont some things in my life that im not proud of, and leaving behind the people that i care about owul

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Why would you blame yourself if the pills aren't working? What meds are you on?

 

[pdyduc]

Why would you blame yourself if the pills aren't working? What meds are you on?

im on zoloft, as for why i blame myself. i feel like i should be stronger, i should be able to handle it and be positive and the pills should help but maybe its just me. im not sure.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

im on zoloft, as for why i blame myself. i feel like i should be stronger, i should be able to handle it and be positive and the pills should help but maybe its just me. im not sure.

This is a first-line typical antidepressant treatment. These do not work out for everyone, some have to try a couple different antidepressants, some end up on atypical antidepressants. Are you in the first weeks of taking it? Why would you feel scared to tell your doctor they're not working? If they don't work they don't work.

 

[pdyduc]

Ive been taking them on and off since ive 16 i believe. this time ive been taking them for a year now. im just nervous to ask her because she tend to steamroll conversations and im not an individual with any sort of confidence.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Ive been taking them on and off since ive 16 i believe. this time ive been taking them for a year now. im just nervous to ask her because she tend to steamroll conversations and im not an individual with any sort of confidence.

How old are you now? I'm sorry that you don't have confidence, but the way pills work is outside of your will or control. The doctor shouldn't be mad at you because the pills don't work, keep that in mind and try to keep the conversation about how the pills are affecting you, and not how about you cannot allegedly control the effects of the pills. Worst case, change doctors, maybe you find someone more understanding.

 

[Anonymoussn]

i would never say that about anybody else except for myself

This line says it all for me. I can't help but feel that you are far more critical and cynical about yourself than you are about other people. You are holding yourself to a higher standard than other people, and are being more critical of yourself than you are of other people. This mentality is something in yourself that you can change. But you need help. You need to tell your doctor that the meds aren't working. You need to tell them that the therapy is not working. Because you are no different to everyone else. Lots of people that have problems that need medicating find that certain medication doesn't work. Lots of people that get therapy find that certain methods, and certain therapists do not work. The fact that these methods and medications do not work on you is not because there is anything wrong with you, it is because there is no one cure for everyone.

I have suffered a lot with mental and physical health issues. And I have told doctors that their medication and their methods are not working. And they have almost always been receptive of that and have tried to think of other ways to solve the problem. A doctor's job is to help. They will not blame you for not responding to their therapy. And if they do, you need a new doctor!

I get that you have anxiety and getting help is particularly difficult for you. But you have to ask in order to get the help you need. And then if they cannot help you at least you will feel vindicated in the knowledge that you tried.

 

[pdyduc]

Thank you for the kind words, I have some real fun depressive episodes. its kind of like flipping a switch for me. i appreciate the advice. stay cool.

How old are you now? I'm sorry that you don't have confidence, but the way pills work is outside of your will or control. The doctor shouldn't be mad at you because the pills don't work, keep that in mind and try to keep the conversation about how the pills are affecting you, and not how about you cannot allegedly control the effects of the pills. Worst case, change doctors, maybe you find someone more understanding.

Im 19, i think ill ask my doctor about things when this prescription is up. i just have to be more outspoken i think

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

Ive been taking them on and off since ive 16 i believe. this time ive been taking them for a year now. im just nervous to ask her because she tend to steamroll conversations and im not an individual with any sort of confidence.

Your doctor is supposed to listen to you and make adjustments to your treatment if it's not working. If she doesn't do that go to someone else. It's not your fault.