With the following things in mind, what would be a good way to kill myself?

[toWsyesqx2czS]

Hello friends. I'm new here. With the following things in mind, what would be a good way to kill myself?:

* I'm wheelchair bound. Cerebral Palsy
* I live with my parents.
* They're aware of my plans
* Gun regulations are tight in my country
* I have no driver's license. Also, I don't have enough experience with public transport.
* I'm fat. I don't know how much poison is needed to kill someone my size.

* I'm afraid to get out of the house independently. Now, don't get me wrong. My parents are wonderful people and I love them. They don't force me to stay inside. It's that damn slope outside of my house, to make the the sidewalk accessible. It was fine back when I used a walker. I used to go jogging outside and I had no problems with the slope. But ever since my legs got worse and I switched to a wheelchair, that angle is too sharp for me.

Here. This is what I'm talking about (Now I notice that it should just say 'yard' not 'backyard'. small mistake).

So no matter from which direction I leave, that thing will stand in my way. If my wheelchair was motorized, that wouldn't be a problem. I would be able to stop almost anywhere - even in the middle of a crazy angle, and the chair wouldn't move.

And finally, the million dollar question - How does one overcome the survival instinct?

If you are someone who was/is 100% willing and ready to die, and is still alive for some reason, please tell me. If you are someone like that and you're reading this, Take me through those moments. How did you get in that mindset? alcohol? drugs? what drugs? deep meditation on negative ideas? an impulsive decision? tell me. I'm all ears!

P.S. Euthanasia is not an option. I'm not disabled enough to be granted that. Not even close.

 

[saltshaker]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, unfortunately we're not allowed to tell you what to do.

If you spend some time looking through the resource section you might find what you're looking for.

 

[whywere]

1st off, WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide!!! It is so great to have a new global family member like you!!! We are a global family that loves, cares has a endless supply of empathy, kindness and support for each other. I am so happy to have you as a new family member, just love it!!!! Again, WELCOME!! 2nd, I totally agree with @saltshaker, as I am ultra sorry and my heart broke when I read your post, BUT to quote @saltshaker "we're not allowed to tell you what to do". I have been on Sanctioned Suicide since the middle of last year and the good ol' fixthe 26 and pro life morons are always lurking around. We used to be .com till that got yanked now we are .org. Just to give a little explanation into my response is all. I am sending you all my love, caring, empathy, kindness and SUPPORT that I have. Always here for YOU!!! Walter

 

[EOL4ME]

They're right, we can't really plan this for you or advise directly and yes there are many resources that you can look through to formulate your thoughts. Also sending love your way and appreciation - not judgement - for your current lot in life, where you're at, and whatever decision you make.

 

[Endeavour]

The survival instinct is the big kicker, it's the wall most people can't get over.

For me I've thought about it (dying) and come to the conclusion that after life is nothing, no experience, no memories, no pain, nothingness to a degree we can't even begin to imagine since everything we know is through experiencing something - even sitting in a dark silent room isn't nothingness, because you're still experiencing it.

So in my mind I think like this - The human survival mechanism is designed to make us move away from pain, and towards pleasure, to avoid death and keep on living. Death is the thing to be avoided.

In my life I can find no pleasure, and my feelings cause me pain.

So my survival instinct is not achieving what it should be, it's putting me through the opposite.

If I instead move towards death, which gives me the pleasure of nothingness and equals no more pain or suffering, then it is not something to be afraid of. I've tried to kind of reprogram my brain.

I've researched my method and have looked at accounts of people who have used that method, and so I am sure I know exactly what I need to do to be unconscious in around 5 minutes with minimal, if any suffering, and then I'll be dead within 30 minutes.

But after the first 5 minutes I won't know anything about it, so it is something I am now totally at peace with.

I've imagined it, doing it, step by step many times, even the sensations of each step, so nothing will be a surprise (I hope!).

I don't feel any more fear about doing it.

 

[toWsyesqx2czS]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, unfortunately we're not allowed to tell you what to do.

If you spend some time looking through the resource section you might find what you're looking for.

Were the rules different in the .com period? Did the admins change anything to avoid being taken offline again?

 

[Cashewmilk]

I don't know how to explain it, I guess it's just something that has strengthened over time. I've been suicidal since I was 12, I'm 32 now. Nowadays I'm only afraid of being crippled and having more suffering, I'm absolutely not afraid of death. If someone came up to me right now and offered me euthanasia, I'd take it in a heartbeat, I would be super excited it would be a dream come true, as if I won a billion dollar lottery. An example I can give is car accidents. I can't drive, I've tried in the past, but I just couldn't do it, I have developed a severe phobia now of being in the car, sometimes I have to sit in the backseat and look at my phone, otherwise if I look at the road I will freak out and gasp and scream at every other car coming into our way, and it's very distracting and dangerous for the driver, so I try not to look at the road anymore. It's a fairly new issue, before this I was able to look at the road but still afraid of driving, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of being in a car accident and dealing with all the shit that comes with it, and the horrific pain and terrible possibilities. Intersections are the worst for me. So one time I was being driven (I have to visit pharmacy 2x a week for my methadone), and I decided that I should just calm down and think about death, that hopefully if we get hit, I will die, and so as we moved through the intersection making a left turn, I closed my eyes and felt a sense of peace and calmness for a few moments, I was ready to die at that point, and my anxiety went away and I felt a lot better. We never got hit, but we've almost gotten hit many times because my mom is becoming a terrible driver from aging, so I do have a rational fear, but from now on I'm going to hope that it's going to be death instead of injury. The thought of dying brings me so much peace and happiness, it's honestly my biggest dream and goal in life.

 

[whywere]

I don't know how to explain it, I guess it's just something that has strengthened over time. I've been suicidal since I was 12, I'm 32 now. Nowadays I'm only afraid of being crippled and having more suffering, I'm absolutely not afraid of death. If someone came up to me right now and offered me euthanasia, I'd take it in a heartbeat, I would be super excited it would be a dream come true, as if I won a billion dollar lottery. An example I can give is car accidents. I can't drive, I've tried in the past, but I just couldn't do it, I have developed a severe phobia now of being in the car, sometimes I have to sit in the backseat and look at my phone, otherwise if I look at the road I will freak out and gasp and scream at every other car coming into our way, and it's very distracting and dangerous for the driver, so I try not to look at the road anymore. It's a fairly new issue, before this I was able to look at the road but still afraid of driving, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of being in a car accident and dealing with all the shit that comes with it, and the horrific pain and terrible possibilities. Intersections are the worst for me. So one time I was being driven (I have to visit pharmacy 2x a week for my methadone), and I decided that I should just calm down and think about death, that hopefully if we get hit, I will die, and so as we moved through the intersection making a left turn, I closed my eyes and felt a sense of peace and calmness for a few moments, I was ready to die at that point, and my anxiety went away and I felt a lot better. We never got hit, but we've almost gotten hit many times because my mom is becoming a terrible driver from aging, so I do have a rational fear, but from now on I'm going to hope that it's going to be death instead of injury. The thought of dying brings me so much peace and happiness, it's honestly my biggest dream and goal in life.

My heart is shattered reading your post. I was in a very bad car crash on 04.10.2015. I was driving south and a person was coming east and he blew straight through the stop sign and I t-boned him. He did not get a scratch and I wound up in ICU. I now have 24/7 chronic pain that I have to take daily pain meds for and I am starting to lose some control over my right side. We are twins! I am 100% alone and I have to drive, but I am 100% with you as far as I very much dislike drving period. Actually HATE it. I have had 2 attempts, neither becasue of the crash, and yes the good 'ol ctb thoughts are there. But on my last attempt afterward I had to fight our U.S. court system to keep from getting a long commitment. I 100% understand where you are coming from, been there, done that. I am sending you all my love, caring, empathy and SUPPORT that I have, knowing just how hard it is for you. I am here for you as far as pm me if you want to. Walter (Yes, Walter is my REAL name, nothing phoney with me ever)

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, the survival instinct is self preservation, that's tricky for a lot of people to overcome. Some people take anti-anxiety pills, alcohol or just mentally muscle through it. I am pretty sure, on the day, I will be both a little scared but at peace at the same time. I don't want to set a deadline, although, I am fairly sure it will be sometimes this year that I will depart.