wishing OD was easier.. i just keep staring at pill bottles

[thelastexit]

i have a million pills that i take daily and i just keep staring at the bottles wishing i could know for sure taking them all wouldnt fail me.

i just want this to be over. this "life" has been nothing but survival based on other people for so long and im tired of it.

i think theyre tired of it too. i told my mom yesterday how suicidal ive become again and she ignored me. she knows i wont follow through, i guess. shes right, because i have nothing fail proof and that scares me enough to live now. when i was younger i took over 60 pills + a bottle of vodka and was perfectly fine after the hallucinations ended. so i cant trust pills and i cant get a gun and i dont want some stranger, maybe a kid, to have to find me and be traumatized if i jump or hang myself.

im stuck. what do i do?

 

[soontobedone]

I don't have any advice for you. I just wanted you to know I read your thread and you're not alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

Taking pills isn't really a reliable suicide method, so many people have failed attempting ctb in such a way, I just think that taking pills would lead to more suffering. If people could easily overdose on pills then they would soon be restricted as this society is just so incredibly anti-suicide, we exist in a world where suicide is purposely made as difficult as possible for people after all. But I do understand that it's so awful and tiring feeling trapped here, I certainly wish that it's easier to die.