Venting Wish to be desired

[Zegers]

I want people to feel interested and drawn to me and not lose interest in few months.
I want to be one of the main choices.
I want to have social connections and not just talk to random people.

Its exhausting to feel invisible and lonely for years

 

[brokensea]

I know how you feel. I always don't feel important to anyone or anyones first choice and am always expendable. No one seems to have any loyalty anymore and connections don't mean a lot to them. Except the people on here who get fucked by everyone around them because they do care.

 

[Obliviate]

As someone from the other side, getting all the attention and desire from men, let me tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be. No matter how many people admire you, you always feel alone no matter what because those people simply chase you for what they want, not actually caring about who you are.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I understand how you feel and I'm very sorry you do feel that way.

And I completely agree with @brokensea about how people seem to have no loyalty these days and connections mean so little. Very few seem to value actual interaction and connection with others, now that the internet and social media have made meeting and 'hooking up' so easy. Not just romantic relationships either but friendships. Nobody wants to put any effort into meeting other people and definitely not any effort into any kind of relationship; if things get rocky or there needs to be real communication, people bail now instead of working through things. People and relationships have become like Kleenex, so easy to just toss away. Everyone and everything has become expendable and disposable.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that loneliness can be painful for many people. It really is such an unfair and cruel existence and I'm sorry that you have suffered so much. To me people really can be so disappointing. I wish you the best.

 

[brokensea]

I understand how you feel and I'm very sorry you do feel that way.

And I completely agree with @brokensea about how people seem to have no loyalty these days and connections mean so little. Very few seem to value actual interaction and connection with others, now that the internet and social media have made meeting and 'hooking up' so easy. Not just romantic relationships either but friendships. Nobody wants to put any effort into meeting other people and definitely not any effort into any kind of relationship; if things get rocky or there needs to be real communication, people bail now instead of working through things. People and relationships have become like Kleenex, so easy to just toss away. Everyone and everything has become expendable and disposable.

It's so true. My boyfriend killed himself and after a couple weeks of support everyone just drifted away. I was alone by myself crying every day for months. No one even wanted to talk about such an uncomfortable subject or look and deal with such grief.

I feel people don't have the strength, loyalty or care to be there for you.

I can't tell you how many hard times I've had in my life where people disappeared.

I think I just shut down after everyone flaked out when my boyfriend died and realized no one is going to be there for you. I stopped trusting people completely. No one in my life knows I'm suicidal and depressed. I don't even bother telling anyone.

I've always been loyal. There for people, helped them through anything and I just don't know if there's even such a thing as a person who will truly be there for you.

People meet other friends, find a relationship and they're distant from you like you don't matter at all.

The world feels so incredibly lonely to know in life you are truly alone and no one will reciprocate the love and loyalty you have for them.

Now I just stay home and hardly see anyone for two years now. I feel disconnected from everyone.

 

[Zegers]

As someone from the other side, getting all the attention and desire

At least you have options whether to be alone or not.

 

[Hollowillow]

Be careful what you wish for? Desire & affection isn't the same. One is in the pants the other in the heart. I was never loved...

 

[Obliviate]

At least you have options whether to be alone or not.

But remember, even if you have a partner/relationship depending on circumstances, factors, situations, how you're being treated, you can still feel very much alone. Even some celebrities say, with all the attention in the world they still feel alone.

 

[Hollowillow]

But remember, even if you have a partner/relationship depending on circumstances, factors, situations, how you're being treated, you can still feel very much alone. Even some celebrities say, with all the attention in the world they still feel alone.

People demand positivity... But I think it's when we are vulnerable together that we can bond deeply. Instead of being trapped behind a mask. I recognize your avatar, that makes you special to me.

 

[Zegers]

But remember, even if you have a partner/relationship depending on circumstances, factors, situations, how you're being treated, you can still feel very much alone. Even some celebrities say, with all the attention in the world they still feel alone.

I'm not talking about a relationship itself, i'm talking about family, friends, acquaintances, so, a social environment.

 

[Obliviate]

I'm not talking about a relationship itself, i'm talking about family, friends, acquaintances, so, a social environment.

I've been alone my entire life, people are fake/rude and have used me/taken advantage of me/stepped on me/abused me/betrayed me/been snakes no matter how "popular" or "attractive" or "nice" I am. People are just disgusting. I now have turned off my feelings and am cold to people. Now when a man wants to talk to me I simply am not interested cuz i'm numb. Or if I meet new "friends" I always think about how it's not gonna last and they too will end up betraying me.

 

[Zegers]

I've been alone my entire life, people are fake/rude and have used me/taken advantage of me/stepped on me/abused me/betrayed me/been snakes no matter how "popular" or "attractive" or "nice" I am. People are just disgusting. I now have turned off my feelings and am cold to people. Now when a man wants to talk to me I simply am not interested cuz i'm numb. Or if I meet new "friends" I always think about how it's not gonna last and they too will end up betraying me.

But lets say if you're having a bad day, one of those guys can take you out for dinner or something fun, you have options, other people don't have anyone, you see the difference, and they might not love you right away but you have people to make plans with and maybe make some connections.

 

[Obliviate]

But lets say if you're having a bad day, one of those guys can take you out for dinner or something fun, you have options, other people don't have anyone, you see the difference, and they might not love you right away but you have people to make plans with and maybe make some connections.

I personally wouldn't go out with anyone but I get the just wanting someone to ask you/be desired part. Honestly to me it means nothing because once you learn the ways of being aloof/nonchalant and simply not giving a fuck you actually want the opposite where you want people to leave you alone. If i am having a bad day i'd rather spend it alone. But I get how others would want that feeling of being wanted or thought of.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

I think there's some confusion going on here between "alone" and "loneliness". You can be one, the other, both, or neither depending on your circumstances. and in my view, being alone is sometimes desirable, but being lonely never is.

There is also a huge difference between being in the company of people who genuinely care for you as a person and those who only pretend to. Or those who don't even pretend very well, but we are so lonely (and often also alone) that we either don't notice or care, until it becomes unignorable.

 

[Hollowillow]

But lets say if you're having a bad day, one of those guys can take you out for dinner or something fun, you have options, other people don't have anyone, you see the difference, and they might not love you right away but you have people to make plans with and maybe make some connections.

I was having a bad day, a guy with a lover offered to cheer me up. When my illness made me too weak to fight, he took off my clothes & molested me, I said no 5 times, he said I needed an orgasm. No, I needed to remove the allergen from my home & have a real friend not a criminal.

 

[waitingforrest]

As someone from the other side, getting all the attention and desire from men, let me tell you it's not all it's cracked up to be. No matter how many people admire you, you always feel alone no matter what because those people simply chase you for what they want, not actually caring about who you are.

God, f**k. You said it so well. Even though I never got that much attention from anyone, that last part hurts to read. As soon as you drop the act, everyone leaves. That the people never really cared about you, just the idea of you.

At some point, the desperation for attention. Genuine connection, or anything, a sound other than your own voice. Leads you to do stupid stuff just for some sort of validation, well maybe just me in my case.

And at the end of the day, alone, maybe in a dark room with only just the glow of the phone, scrolling through pictures of all the happy people, or at least the happy side that is shown.

 

[SexyIncél]

I think it's nice to be desired for fairly wrong reasons, unless you really need help or it gets abusive

The more help you need, the more people are like "Uh-oh, this isn't what I signed up for". Unfortunately... that's most of us here on this forum :)

Obviously you want the sort of desire where someone treats you well. But you shouldn't rely too much on it, as it may be withdrawn for whatever reason. Thus it's nice to have others who would like you too

 

[Zegers]

Long-term loneliness is extremely complicated... sometimes we just want to find some kind of connection... but no matter how you try, you don't find anything