Wish that I had planned ahead

[SerenitySeeker]

I've been here for a few months and have seen that the most well prepared/successful CTB's (just my opinion) are people who have got their method months/years ahead of time, especially as it pertains to people who suffer from severe depression or purchased N.
I wish I had done that years ago or at the very least wasn't so conflicted on method choosing.

 

[gingerplum]

I've been here for a few months and have seen that the most well prepared/successful CTB's (just my opinion) are people who have got their method months/years ahead of time, especially as it pertains to people who suffer from severe depression or purchased N.
I wish I had done that years ago or at the very least wasn't so conflicted on method choosing.

I'm sure the person who comes to this forum completely prepared with a detailed plan is the rare exception to nonexistent. We pretty much all come here to suss everything out, bounce ideas off each other, and seek support.

 

[SerenitySeeker]

I'm sure the person who comes to this forum completely prepared with a detailed plan is the rare exception to nonexistent. We pretty much all come here to suss everything out, bounce ideas off each other, and seek support.

I'm not saying that people come here with things set and ready to go. What I was alluding to is planning ahead before one may really need it or ready to implement it. Basically me saying I wish that I would've found this site earlier and/or put things in place as far as method planning/obtaining way earlier.

 

[gingerplum]

It sounds like you're frustrated that you started having these thoughts or losing hope and weren't proactive about it from the start. First of all, that kind of clarity and foresight don't usually go hand in hand with depression or whatever else brings us here; second, there's no need to hurry into potentially the last decision you'll ever make.

Am I even close? Are you just overwhelmed?

 

[Rachel74]

It sounds like you're frustrated that you started having these thoughts or losing hope and weren't proactive about it from the start. First of all, that kind of clarity and foresight don't usually go hand in hand with depression or whatever else brings us here; second, there's no need to hurry into potentially the last decision you'll ever make.

Am I even close? Are you just overwhelmed?

Exactly this! Why hurry to make a rash decision like this? I am on here to find out as much as I can about my chosen method which is years away.

 

[SerenitySeeker]

It sounds like you're frustrated that you started having these thoughts or losing hope and weren't proactive about it from the start. First of all, that kind of clarity and foresight don't usually go hand in hand with depression or whatever else brings us here; second, there's no need to hurry into potentially the last decision you'll ever make.

Am I even close? Are you just overwhelmed?

Very true about clarity and foresight. It definitely doesn't happen that way. I'm more frustrated about not being proactive in the past on having obtained a method just in case, due to the fact that i've dealt with depression and suicidal ideation for half of my life. I always knew this would likely be my end, but when you're holding out hope and having a span of time in remission, you don't think about those things.
I'm not in a huge rush persay, (I definitely don't have years though) this isn't a rash decision for me.. but things would be so much better if I had certain things already in place.

 

[gingerplum]

I think we all get bogged down in the "if onlys"... god knows I do. Give yourself a little slack. Maybe-- just maybe-- you have this time to reframe an opportunity differently. I can't tell you what that would be, and I'm not saying it would make you possibly change your mind or even make things more tolerable. For example, if we all had a panic button we could press to exit, this forum wouldn't even exist.

Is it wrong that I'm picturing the George Costanza "serenity NOW!" meme?!? Sorry, I hope not. I wish i had something more insightful to say, but sometimes even just letting it out helps. Vent away, my friend. Vent away.

 

[Nem]

My main regret is not killing myself as soon as I realized my life was finished. I should've swiftly killed myself with the preferred method at the time, things have only become much worse

 

[gingerplum]

My main regret is not killing myself as soon as I realized my life was finished. I should've swiftly killed myself with the preferred method at the time, things have only become much worse

Honestly, my fear is just that... every time I think, how much worse could things possibly get?, they do.

 

[SerenitySeeker]

I think we all get bogged down in the "if onlys"... god knows I do. Give yourself a little slack. Maybe-- just maybe-- you have this time to reframe an opportunity differently. I can't tell you what that would be, and I'm not saying it would make you possibly change your mind or even make things more tolerable. For example, if we all had a panic button we could press to exit, this forum wouldn't even

I think we all get bogged down in the "if onlys"... god knows I do. Give yourself a little slack. Maybe-- just maybe-- you have this time to reframe an opportunity differently. I can't tell you what that would be, and I'm not saying it would make you possibly change your mind or even make things more tolerable. For example, if we all had a panic button we could press to exit, this forum wouldn't even exist.

Is it wrong that I'm picturing the George Costanza "serenity NOW!" meme?!? Sorry, I hope not. I wish i had something more insightful to say, but sometimes even just letting it out helps. Vent away, my friend. Vent away.

Lmao! Not wrong at all, just made me laugh. Thanks gingerplum.

My main regret is not killing myself as soon as I realized my life was finished. I should've swiftly killed myself with the preferred method at the time, things have only become much worse

Exactly what you said, I was just longwinded lol. But that's EXACTLY how I feel.

 

[H2H2]

I think everyone, suicidal or not, should have a method in place to leave this world in his/her own terms. Be it Nembutal or whatever other method you are at peace with that guarantees you a death as peaceful as possible. It works like any other insurance you can think of ( property, car, life, etc) . In this case, its an insurance against life turning ugly in the future. If life becomes unbearable to you , nobody is going to help you kill yourself. Even if they wanted to , they could face charges. Life is too fragile to not have something in place.

In countries with a high percentage non-religious population its very common to talk openly about reserving your right to leave this life when and how you want. And yet nobody has a method in place because you always speak about in hypothetical terms and you are not taught to do so ( as opposed to you being told to be wise and buy home insurance ) .I think you should do the work, secure the method and forget about it. Just like financial planning, for example.

You are buying yourself options. Even for something as common as cancer. YOu may not want to subject your family to you dying of cancer. Its a very ugly and unpleasent thing to watch and listen to.

 

[walkingdead1]

I think everyone, suicidal or not, should have a method in place to leave this world in his/her own terms. Be it Nembutal or whatever other method you are at peace with that guarantees you a death as peaceful as possible. It works like any other insurance you can think of ( property, car, life, etc) . In this case, its an insurance against life turning ugly in the future. If life becomes unbearable to you , nobody is going to help you kill yourself. Even if they wanted to , they could face charges. Life is too fragile to not have something in place.

In countries with a high percentage non-religious population its very common to talk openly about reserving your right to leave this life when and how you want. And yet nobody has a method in place because you always speak about in hypothetical terms and you are not taught to do so ( as opposed to you being told to be wise and buy home insurance ) .I think you should do the work, secure the method and forget about it. Just like financial planning, for example.

You are buying yourself options. Even for something as common as cancer. YOu may not want to subject your family to you dying of cancer. Its a very ugly and unpleasent thing to watch and listen to.

Wow! this is golden.

 

[gingerplum]

Wow! this is golden.

It really is. I had never thought about it in such pragmatic terms... it just makes such good sense.

 

[walkingdead1]

It really is. I had never thought about it in such pragmatic terms... it just makes such good sense.

Yes, this should be perma pinned or put in some place , where everybody/anybody could see... whether looking to STB or not

 

[epic]

I am here for a few months or possibly even years before i CTB. I come here everyday to groom myself to the idea of suicide.So it will be a much less daunting experience when i finally do it.

 

[Hyakkimaru]

I think everyone, suicidal or not, should have a method in place to leave this world in his/her own terms. Be it Nembutal or whatever other method you are at peace with that guarantees you a death as peaceful as possible. It works like any other insurance you can think of ( property, car, life, etc) . In this case, its an insurance against life turning ugly in the future. If life becomes unbearable to you , nobody is going to help you kill yourself. Even if they wanted to , they could face charges. Life is too fragile to not have something in place.

In countries with a high percentage non-religious population its very common to talk openly about reserving your right to leave this life when and how you want. And yet nobody has a method in place because you always speak about in hypothetical terms and you are not taught to do so ( as opposed to you being told to be wise and buy home insurance ) .I think you should do the work, secure the method and forget about it. Just like financial planning, for example.

You are buying yourself options. Even for something as common as cancer. YOu may not want to subject your family to you dying of cancer. Its a very ugly and unpleasent thing to watch and listen to.

I've though about this quite a bit, my grandmother passed away due to one of the rarer forms of cancer, but in her last days she stayed in her bed at home on huge amounts of painkillers instead of something like assisted suicide. She had my mother make the trip to spend last dying week with her, I regret not seeing her but I'm also not sure if I would've been able to see her like that. In all honesty, if I ever get cancer I don't want to put my family or friends through another tragedy like that, although everyone is entitled to their own opinion of death and their method of leaving.

 

[H2H2]

Wow! this is golden.

It really is. I had never thought about it in such pragmatic terms... it just makes such good sense.

The downside is that suddenly everyone has a highly effective means to kill themselves in their garage or kitchen cupboard with the instruction manual already read, which is a little bit crazy if you think about it. Just imagine yourself living with an histrionic roommate or partner...

I think its a situation where you have to choose your poison. Im doomed, so its an easy choice for me

I've though about this quite a bit, my grandmother passed away due to one of the rarer forms of cancer, but in her last days she stayed in her bed at home on huge amounts of painkillers instead of something like assisted suicide. She had my mother make the trip to spend last dying week with her, I regret not seeing her but I'm also not sure if I would've been able to see her like that. In all honesty, if I ever get cancer I don't want to put my family or friends through another tragedy like that, although everyone is entitled to their own opinion of death and their method of leaving.

Im sorry for your grandmother, Hyakkimaru. I was very close to my grandmother too. I wouldnt put anyone I loved throught something like that either. Its horrible imho. Hugs !