Discussion Wish suicidal ideation wasn't treated like a disease needed to be purged immediately

[tragicfanatic]

Goodness, I have such a big mouth. Had a panic attack once, called my mom, and spilled all the beans about how I was planning to CTB that night. I had two CTB attempts at that point but I think I might've had a chance of going through with it if I hadn't told her. I wish I could seek help and be honest about how I feel because I think, on some level, I do want to get better. But the way CTB and wanting to CTB is treated makes me scared to reach out for help.

I've told two friends in the past about it during times of distress, and I really wished I hadn't because one ended up blackmailing me with that information and the other one said they were going to call emergency services which freaked me out so much. On one hand, I feel like going to a mental institution might be beneficial for me if they were actually dedicated to helping their patients get better. On the other hand, the fear of getting sent to one that mistreats its patients prevents me from seeking support at all.

I'm so glad this forum exists. I had another period of suicidal ideation and I heavily considered trying partial hanging again, but the SI I felt last time is making me have doubts about attempting again. That and the possibility of it not working and having brain damage afterwards.

Thank you for reading, love you all. ♡

 

[Greasyhair]

I feel you. Sometimes suicidal ideation is natural wish due to ones situation.

At least mental institution dont keep suicidal people forever (at least where I live), so maybe its worth attempt just so you can say you tried. But take this as musings of hypocrite who is deadly afraid of institutes haha.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Well be careful about telegraphing it if you don't want to be locked up.

 

[whywere]

Totally agree with @LaVieEnRose , as be very careful or the police, or EMT will have a person in the psychic ward in a flash.

One time, I told a mental health worker that I was having huge suicidal ideation issues, and BANG, there where cops showing up at my place.

Walter

 

[tragicfanatic]

I feel you. Sometimes suicidal ideation is natural wish due to ones situation.

At least mental institution dont keep suicidal people forever (at least where I live), so maybe its worth attempt just so you can say you tried. But take this as musings of hypocrite who is deadly afraid of institutes haha.

I might if I get desperate, haha! I'm just afraid of it messing me up more in some way.

Well be careful about telegraphing it if you don't want to be locked up.

Oh, of course! I think I've learned my lesson, unless I do something dumb again.

Totally agree with @LaVieEnRose , as be very careful or the police, or EMT will have a person in the psychic ward in a flash.

One time, I told a mental health worker that I was having huge suicidal ideation issues, and BANG, there where cops showing up at my place.

Walter

Oh, yes, definitely. I considered telling people in the past that vehemently stopped myself from because I realized how dumb of a decision it would be. People, especially authority figures, have been kind to me in the past which is probably where the root of my belief that they might help stems from. But more likely it's just an ideal. Many people have been put into wards in the past or suffered because they trusted the wrong people.