permanently tired
I know you're laughing
- Nov 8, 2023
- 192
I was browsing sasu and I came across some threads venting abt their abusive family and it reminded me of the time I stayed at a shelter. The security guards were assholes, but the rest of the staff were generally rlly kind and while this is just wishful thinking I wonder if I could've done smth with my life if I had continued there. Part of me thinks so, but this is theoretical and I'm reminded how I dropped out. Maybe I'm not as competent as I'd like to believe. I live with my family now, but I'm just wasting away. I'm so tired, I can't do anything. I don't have the energy to get away from these people. I want to sleep every hour.
If only my family could leave me alone cuz I hate all of them and they're preventing me from ctb. If they were out of the picture I'd hang myself on a pull-up bar. There is a place I think could work as an anchor but I prefer to stay inside cuz it's cold at night and after freezing repeatedly at night at the tops of bridges I have a bit of fear. Ik it sounds stupid, but the cold is fearsome to me. Funny how I go from posting in the recovery section to this. I should give up trying atp. I have tried to hang myself in two hotel rooms, but the closet bars were too short and partial never worked other than giving me neck pain and a headache. That's why I want to do full suspension so I can't back out from pain.
It's been an exhausting life. I'm drowsy typing this.
If only my family could leave me alone cuz I hate all of them and they're preventing me from ctb. If they were out of the picture I'd hang myself on a pull-up bar. There is a place I think could work as an anchor but I prefer to stay inside cuz it's cold at night and after freezing repeatedly at night at the tops of bridges I have a bit of fear. Ik it sounds stupid, but the cold is fearsome to me. Funny how I go from posting in the recovery section to this. I should give up trying atp. I have tried to hang myself in two hotel rooms, but the closet bars were too short and partial never worked other than giving me neck pain and a headache. That's why I want to do full suspension so I can't back out from pain.
It's been an exhausting life. I'm drowsy typing this.