Venting Wish I could die in an accident rather than suicide

[reznikoff]

I'm not saying I don't want to handle CTBing myself. I certainly can and chances are I certainly will. But so desperately I wish I would die in an accident. It seems I'm always at the right place at the wrong time. Recently there was an accident on a freeway I travel on often, a guy on drugs was driving outrageously fast and killed a woman on her way to work. That accident happened two days after I was driving down it around that same time.

Or like, idk, I know it sounds grotesque but a mugging or something. Or a random event where I get shot or stabbed and left to die.

I say this primarily because I feel like it would bring more peace to the people I love if I died in an accident as opposed to suicide. Accidents happen far too often to people who have so much ahead of them. And yet here I am, desperate to die, and nothing.

This makes it sound like I'm lazy and don't wanna CTB myself. Untrue. Failed more times than I could count, so it's not for a lack of trying. I just know it would bring more closure for my family if it were this way.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I'm not saying I don't want to handle CTBing myself. I certainly can and chances are I certainly will. But so desperately I wish I would die in an accident. It seems I'm always at the right place at the wrong time. Recently there was an accident on a freeway I travel on often, a guy on drugs was driving outrageously fast and killed a woman on her way to work. That accident happened two days after I was driving down it around that same time.

Or like, idk, I know it sounds grotesque but a mugging or something. Or a random event where I get shot or stabbed and left to die.

I say this primarily because I feel like it would bring more peace to the people I love if I died in an accident as opposed to suicide. Accidents happen far too often to people who have so much ahead of them. And yet here I am, desperate to die, and nothing.

This makes it sound like I'm lazy and don't wanna CTB myself. Untrue. Failed more times than I could count, so it's not for a lack of trying. I just know it would bring more closure for my family if it were this way.

I often have the same thoughts, so you're not alone. It's mostly because of my kids that I don't want to mess them up for life. It's not that you're lazy, but it's for the protection of others. I get it.

 

[reznikoff]

I often have the same thoughts, so you're not alone. It's mostly because of my kids that I don't want to mess them up for life. It's not that you're lazy, but it's for the protection of others. I get it.

Wish I could like/upvote this addition more than one time.

 

[Extremly kind <3]

I'm not saying I don't want to handle CTBing myself. I certainly can and chances are I certainly will. But so desperately I wish I would die in an accident. It seems I'm always at the right place at the wrong time. Recently there was an accident on a freeway I travel on often, a guy on drugs was driving outrageously fast and killed a woman on her way to work. That accident happened two days after I was driving down it around that same time.

Or like, idk, I know it sounds grotesque but a mugging or something. Or a random event where I get shot or stabbed and left to die.

I say this primarily because I feel like it would bring more peace to the people I love if I died in an accident as opposed to suicide. Accidents happen far too often to people who have so much ahead of them. And yet here I am, desperate to die, and nothing.

This makes it sound like I'm lazy and don't wanna CTB myself. Untrue. Failed more times than I could count, so it's not for a lack of trying. I just know it would bring more closure for my family if it were this way.

Likewise I dont want my family suffer for the rest of their life, however I dont mind CTBING on SN, since it won't look like an apparent sucide if planned well, unless an autospy is taken, doctors nowadays are lazy to take an autospy unless ordered by court !!!!

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Wish I could like/upvote this addition more than one time.

Hugs Rez.

In also the same breath, when I have had close calls or thought my heart would fail because of my eating disorder, SI would kick in automatically or I wouldn't have been ready. And well... I'm still here.

How ironic would it be to finally get that wish, but these thoughts are no longer overwhelming and you got to a truly happy place? We will never know. Life is messed up like that

 

[Severen]

I think a lot of people think this way and that is why, they live life on the edge, all the time(fighting in wars, doing drugs, committing crimes, making enemies, doing risky things to show off)... Deep down inside, they just want to die.

 

[saomao]

I think a lot of people think this way and that is why, they live life on the edge, all the time... Deep down inside, they just want to die.

no they just live on the edge bcs they are healthy and they dont have any idea of true pain

 

[inconsequential]

Feels. I got hit by a truck (walking) and lived. I'm still pissed off.

 

[temp1234]

My sister said that she wished people who chose to ctb would get murdered instead. And I 100% agree for myself personally. I wish I was in an accident or was murdered. It would bring my family so much more closure and I always wish I was in the statistics of someone who was in a car accident or something, if that makes sense to anybody. Idk.

 

[bayarea]

I cant relate, I wish the same to myself too but I dont want the other person to feel guilt. Also I'm scared of pain, I wish there was a way to have a good dream and just die in my sleep. But I'm also very scared of death but want to die at the same time. It is so hopeless

 

[reznikoff]

My sister said that she wished people who chose to ctb would get murdered instead. And I 100% agree for myself personally. I wish I was in an accident or was murdered. It would bring my family so much more closure and I always wish I was in the statistics of someone who was in a car accident or something, if that makes sense to anybody. Idk.

Yeah I feel you, absolutely. Sometimes on my drive home I try and pick out what telephone pole would be good to crash into and make it look like an accident. Then I end up shaking the thought and just driving home.

I cant relate, I wish the same to myself too but I dont want the other person to feel guilt. Also I'm scared of pain, I wish there was a way to have a good dream and just die in my sleep. But I'm also very scared of death but want to die at the same time. It is so hopeless

Felt every word of this. This is almost exactly how I feel. I'm not exactly afraid to die though, but of course survival instinct and all that can be daunting

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

I sometimes fantasize about a meteor strike.

 

[reznikoff]

I sometimes fantasize about a meteor strike.

Hah! Now that would be a way to go out.

 

[Longman]

Sometimes on my drive home I try and pick out what telephone pole would be good to crash into and make it look like an accident.

Theoretically, there is an alternative way, but bizarre and even more painful than suicide itself - inducing an incurable illness.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Same. I just don't trust myself to pull off a successful suicide. I'm far too braindead and reliant on others. Suicide seems easier for optimists, i'm too pessimistic and anxiety ridden:(

 

[Aliaiactaest]

I sometimes fantasize about a meteor strike.

Me too.

 

[manwewaslonely]

I feel the same way. I've come close to driving home from work and just crashing my car and hoping that everyone thinks I just fell asleep. Or hoping I get into a random fight and get shot. Or trying to save a child or something and dying because of it.

 

[Allpainnogain]

Same. I just don't trust myself to pull off a successful suicide. I'm far too braindead and reliant on others. Suicide seems easier for optimists, i'm too pessimistic and anxiety ridden:(

I really relate to this. Such an awful trap

Theoretically, there is an alternative way, but bizarre and even more painful than suicide itself - inducing an incurable illness.

How?

I feel the same way. I've come close to driving home from work and just crashing my car and hoping that everyone thinks I just fell asleep. Or hoping I get into a random fight and get shot. Or trying to save a child or something and dying because of it.

I've thought of this too but cars are so safe these days that it wouldn't work - my car has both front and side airbags

 

[TimeToDie]

Suicide seems easier for optimists, i'm too pessimistic and anxiety ridden:(

Now why would optimists want to kill themselves? They're filled with irrational exuberance, thinking they live in a wondrous world filled with unicorns who poop gold and fart the most delightful aromas.

Anxiety is a real bitch though. Anxiety can be one of the key reasons that you need to die, but at the same time it can be anxiety that prevents your from being able to CTB. For example, one might want to use a gun, since that is likely the fastest and most lethal means possible. In fact, they might want to use a shotgun as that's vastly more powerful than any handgun. But then they might worry endlessly & obsessively about that tiny risk that they could fail and end up living without a face. OMG! Or they could worry that it will result in death by bleeding out, which avoids the faceless life, but they saw that post by an EMT on this board about a guy who was crawling around faceless in his garage for three hours and they're thinking that could hurt more than a bit as you wait however long to finally die. Or they saw how Bud Dwyer fell to the ground lifeless instantly upon firing his .357 revolver and they could hope that they drop dead just as quickly, but still fear that it is unimaginable painful even if for only a fraction of a second. And as they are endlessly thinking about this risk of pain and/or a faceless future they remain alive suffering the mental and/or physical pain of whatever issues they have which originally led to be suicidal in the first place.

Hey, they might be so fearful of pain that they actually make sure to take their beta blockers & ACE inhibitor to control their blood pressure such that they don't have a painful heart attack or stoke, which they greatly fear wouldn't be merciful enough to actually kill them but would instead render them with yet another disability.

Anybody else feel like that? Or am I the only one who can worry 24/7/365?

Edit: They might even have 2 3/4" OO buck shells and worry that they perhaps they should get 3" OO buck shells to be extra certain of death or perhaps they should get 3 1/2" 00 buck shells to be really really extra certain of maximum death. Have I managed to introduce a new worry into the worrying minds of those who want to use a shotgun, but who didn't even know that 3 different sizes of shotgun shells exist?

 

[Allpainnogain]

Theoretically, there is an alternative way, but bizarre and even more painful than suicide itself - inducing an incurable illness.

How?

 

[Egddios]

Feels. I got hit by a truck (walking) and lived. I'm still pissed off.

Broke my neck in 2016 and "survived". I hear you re: still being pissed about it.

 

[reznikoff]

Now why would optimists want to kill themselves? They're filled with irrational exuberance, thinking they live in a wondrous world filled with unicorns who poop gold and fart the most delightful aromas.

I know it seems contradictory, but I'm certainly an optimist, probably the only one in my immediate family, yet I'm also the only suicidal one. Lol.

Broke my neck in 2016 and "survived". I hear you re: still being pissed about it.

I'm so sorry to hear ): much love.

 

[Mljonzy]

I would love a nuclear bomb to destroy everything leaving me the only person in the world to survive that is heaven for me but it will never happen.

 

[Roger]

d with unicorns who poop gold and fart the most delightful aromas.

Anxiety is a real bitch though. Anxiety can be one of the key reasons that you need to die, but at the same time it can be anxiety that prevents your from being able to CTB. For example, one might want to use a gun, since that is likely the fastest and most lethal means possible. In fact, they might want to use a shotgun as that's vastly more powerful than any handgun. But then they might worry endlessly & obsessively about that tiny risk that they could fail and end up living without a face. OMG! Or they could worry that it will result in death by bleeding out, which avoids the faceless life, but they saw that post by an EMT on this board about a guy who was crawling around faceless in his garage for three hours and they're thinking that could hurt more than a bit as you wait however long to finally die. Or they saw how Bud Dwyer fell to the ground lifeless instantly upon firing his .357 revolver and they could hope that they drop dead just as quickly, but still jEdit: They might even have 2 3/4" OO buck shells and worry that they perhaps they should get 3" OO buck shells to be extra certain of death or perhaps they should get 3 1/2" 00 buck shells to be really really extra certain of maximum death. Have I managed to introduce a new worry into the worrying minds of those who want to use a shotgun, but who didn't even know that 3 different sizes of shotgun shells exist?
[/QUOTE]

Have I managed to introduce a new worry into the worrying minds of those who want to use a shotgun, but who didn't even know that 3 different sizes of shotgun shells exist?

Chamber lengths come into it. Cartridge lengths are measured in their fired condition, with the crimp opened, and the chamber must be long enough to accommodate this.

 

[Longman]

How?

Read this: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/last-three-months.8689/post-315440

 

[Severen]

Just join the U.S. Army infantry, sign up for the airborne option as well. Then make your commanding officers hate you and they will probably send you on suicide missions.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

One daydream scenario that frequently comes up for me is dying in a shooting or a hostage situation.

 

[marcusuk63]

I would love a nuclear bomb to destroy everything leaving me the only person in the world to survive that is heaven for me but it will never happen.

i often wish i could wake up and everyone has gone . my favorite film genre are end of world/last man on earth lol

 

[MAIO]

I'm not saying I don't want to handle CTBing myself. I certainly can and chances are I certainly will. But so desperately I wish I would die in an accident. It seems I'm always at the right place at the wrong time. Recently there was an accident on a freeway I travel on often, a guy on drugs was driving outrageously fast and killed a woman on her way to work. That accident happened two days after I was driving down it around that same time.

Or like, idk, I know it sounds grotesque but a mugging or something. Or a random event where I get shot or stabbed and left to die.

I say this primarily because I feel like it would bring more peace to the people I love if I died in an accident as opposed to suicide. Accidents happen far too often to people who have so much ahead of them. And yet here I am, desperate to die, and nothing.

This makes it sound like I'm lazy and don't wanna CTB myself. Untrue. Failed more times than I could count, so it's not for a lack of trying. I just know it would bring more closure for my family if it were this way.

All claims that suicide is bad general require accepting the assumption that life(Blue) is better than death(Red). If you don't accept the assumption, all the arguments far apart easily. It's the same as saying Blue is better than Red, if you don't accept you are mentally ill. Hypocritically the majority of people claim if you believe like them you go to eternal paradise after you die, which isn't seen as a mental illness.

"what happens after death"

"You go to eternal paradise. It's the best thing, imaginable, far superior to the state I am in now. "

"So you are looking forward to death."

"There is something wrong with your brain; you must be mentally ill to bring that up. I am going to live until the last possible second."

‍ This is one of the reasons I see how aspects like denial of death are often more important than the claimed believes themselves.

"You can't die by choice it would cause suffering !!"

1) These people often cause suffering on a daily basis through numerous things like eating meat. Or in words the person claim to care so much about suffering have never thought about how animals that feel the same emotions as people being is worse conditions than being tortured every day deserves thought.

2) Or they support policies that limit funds for homeless/don't give a thought about people starving to death etc.

 

[Severen]

CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN VANILLA, MOTHER FUCKER! Are you insane?!