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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
Apr 17, 2023
3,278
My thinking is that a life doesn't need to be good overall to have been considered good. Just one good day on this planet means one's existence wasn't for nothing. So if my final day is spent eating my favorite meal and driving through scenic surroundings before arriving at the bridge, then my life was worth experiencing even if the end is tragic.

Feels like wishful thinking. I probably won't be able to enjoy the food knowing what the day will bring.
 
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leloyon

leloyon

I'll see you in the Wired.
Feb 4, 2023
1,701
I've heard that when some people are going to CTB, they often feel happier and more carefree on their final day due to knowing their suffering is going to end. I know it's not what you're asking, but still relevant.
To answer your question, I plan to, yes. I plan to treat myself once I have all preparations completed, so more like I will be enjoying my last month alive, if anything, or at least my last week. But I plan to especially treat myself on the day I do it and the day before. It is important for me to leave this world feeling like there is nothing that I've wanted to do that I've left, knowing I won't be able to do it ever. This is probably due to the fact that I don't have high aspirations though, my bucket list mainly consists of things I want to watch or play or whatever, rather than anything big.
 
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Slasher

Slasher

crybaby
Jun 6, 2023
87
Kind of. My idea of enjoying my last day is honestly just going out with a friend, doing drugs, coming home then CTB'ing. Not really treating yourself as I do this practically every day but this is what makes me happy and would wish to go out knowing I gave my friend a last experience to remember.
 
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leftdreaming

leftdreaming

I should’ve been a house cat
Apr 28, 2023
170
My current plan will theoretically be a good day, though if that fails it means my options are limited. I'm kinda expecting failure all things considered, or maybe just strong SI.

I've got a backup plan later down the line when I have more accessible methods. I'll probably get all the stuff and wait for the moment my desperation peaks. In this case, my last day would be one of the worst days of my life.
 
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P

Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
13,209
Currently I have no idea what I'd do on my last day, in my current state of emptiness I guess this day would be as empty as all other days were.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
14,429
Probably not the day of- no but I'm hoping days leading up to it might be good. That's if I definitely do it. I'm still not sure! Think it depends on your method though. Mine would likely be SN which requires fasting. I don't enjoy that much when I'm hungry and I tend to feel sick when I'm hungry too. Still- yeah- ideally it would be nice to be in a good mental state beforehand.
 
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blue_muse

blue_muse

Mage
Jan 31, 2021
553
I'll try making my last day good. I'll probably end up ignoring everything and everyone around me anway.
 
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O

outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,931
No idea, may not know its my last day, since I plan to do it late at night--
 
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InSearchOfLess

InSearchOfLess

Alis volat propriis
Feb 22, 2023
42
Yes, Ive made a bucket list however the first thing on my bucket list is to die so I might not be able to finish it and thats good enough for me.
 
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brainlessretard

brainlessretard

i wish i could erase only memories i hate
Dec 19, 2021
2
at least during my next week alive, i plan to eat many of the things i restrict myself from eating (im dealing with an ed). it seems really boring, but it would mean a lot to me.
 
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Illidan77

Illidan77

╰━≪ - ≫─╯
Nov 22, 2022
116
Yeah me too, and the days/ weeks before it. Though I have doubt but I will try my best.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
46,862
Existing could never be "good" to me, I see existence as being an unnecessary burden and a tedious chore, the only relief will be once everything finally ends for me and I'm able to not exist for all eternity. If I knew that I was soon to be leaving for definite I will just feel glad that all future suffering is prevented.
 
fkyou

fkyou

...
Oct 1, 2022
465
I aimed to do that .to live the last months before suiciding stress-free and enjoy the things I like.but I found out quite the opposite.the further I continue living knowing the end is suicide.the more negative my thinking and feelings become.its different when you know it's definite you'll ctb.it pisses me off. because one thing I know is ctb while feeling fine and content is much better and actually easier to ctb.i don't want in my last moment while ctb to be depressed.angry. resentful. ashamed.or any of that.but the longer the more my thoughts become like that. I don't wanted to feel ashamed of my self in my last moments of life or defeated.
 
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D

Dreadle

Member
Apr 2, 2023
38
I've set my CTB date and I do find myself happier as I move closer to it, excited almost. I've got all my ducks in a row and I'm just eating/drinking what I want, going to make sure the house is in order top to bottom.
I'm not going to make my final day a good one because I'm not going to remember it. But I am going to make sure I feel beautiful, clean, calm and relaxed so I don't react to the SI.
 
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willitpass

willitpass

The awful things we do to make the head go quiet
Mar 10, 2020
3,397
All of my other attempts have simply been normal days. I would go to school and/or work, and live life the same way I always did. Though Im older now and much more independent and thus in control of what I am able to do with myself, so that may. change things. In the past I had obligations that I couldn't stray from.
 
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