Venting Will and Understanding

[BurgundySnap]

Hello, this is my first created thread. I am sorry if it is long.

I cannot find a will to do anything. I cannot feel happiness or fulfillment, and I do not feel like I once was. When I try to create anything that can be art, I realize no "soul" or feeling is there and scrap that. It feels like my mind has slowed down so much, and it takes me hours to type something worth sharing in a conversation. I am myself, now more than twice as slow in processing.

People give unasked advice, and their selfish feedback, and assume that I am not trying hard enough.
"You aren't even trying to be happy," they tell me. Well, would they try if our positions were switched? Those people can say things so easily. I don't have an outlet, maybe if I had an outlet for this sadness I could try for them. This sadness is accumulating inside of me and hurting my heart. No one around me wants to see it.
"Knowing this makes me upset, let's talk about something else." I'm sorry they are upset. I'm upset too, and I don't want to hurt anyone with this. My friends are not meant to be my therapists. I still would like to have a rare serious conversation, not treating them as such. Almost always recently, if I talk to anyone, it is either advice or toxic positivity.

I don't have the will to do most positive things anymore. I do not like knowing that I have no more power over my life. It seems like a lot of people want to give hollow and generalized advice that sounds profound only to them, on how I should be happy for others and this is a life lesson. Well, maybe I want to be upset. Maybe for a while. Maybe no one who gives me this advice has ever asked what I wanted. What life lesson is there in this? I must be missing something, because I feel so lost.
Maybe I can be happy with them after I am upset.

Please, someone, tell me what point I am missing.

 

[TheAngel]

Hey what's your favourite kind of art? What do you think of renaissance art?

 

[BurgundySnap]

Hey what's your favourite kind of art? What do you think of renaissance art?

I hope it is not dramatic to say I enjoy the art that comes from the heart the most. It sends chills down my spine when I see something created with love, and I am captured in it. This art can have any medium. Traditional art, digital, paintings, writing, music...If it has love, then it is amazing to me.
I think Renaissance art is very expressive, in my opinion. The feelings you can have when looking at it are fascinating.
How about you, TheAngel?

 

[Gaga786]

I definitely feel you on this. Life has become so difficult which prompts me to think" what is the point in it anymore" Each task has become painful, and I don't have the energy to do anything now. Other people are just so self-centred. Then there's the cruelty of this world, which is even worse to see.I do wish the best for you, take care.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't think you can only be happy for others. Not sincerely anyway and I think it's probable we resent anything we are made/ expected to feel.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given was that it was ok to feel all these emotions- that it was important in fact to work through them. I think we all kind of need to feel sad now and then.

It's a tricky one if you feel sad all the time. I guess it's something only you can really address. What would make you happy do you think? Do you still enjoy the process of making art? I'm creative too by the way and I've unfortunately lost my spark as well. So, I don't know what help I'll be but we're all here to listen.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would personally see it as being for the best not to be open with people like that in the first place, it's dreadful how many humans are so insensitive and won't even try to understand, I cannot stand toxic positivity. But anyway I wish you the best, it must be tiring having to suffer like that, existence is just too cruel.

 

[BurgundySnap]

I don't think you can only be happy for others. Not sincerely anyway and I think it's probable we resent anything we are made/ expected to feel.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given was that it was ok to feel all these emotions- that it was important in fact to work through them. I think we all kind of need to feel sad now and then.

It's a tricky one if you feel sad all the time. I guess it's something only you can really address. What would make you happy do you think? Do you still enjoy the process of making art? I'm creative too by the way and I've unfortunately lost my spark as well. So, I don't know what help I'll be but we're all here to listen.

I understand. I do not want to be happy, it would only be easier to do it for them.

What would make me feel a part of happiness again is if someone tried to understand me. Those people in my post force me into therapy and treatment plans I do not want, and they never take time to understand me first.
Now, I find it hard to enjoy being creative. Thank you for your words, I will think about this for a while.

You have lost your spark too? I am so sorry to hear that, Forever Sleep. I am sure you created wonderful things before your spark was lost. If it is possible, I hope you can be able to get it back one day.

I would personally see it as being for the best not to be open with people like that in the first place, it's dreadful how many humans are so insensitive and won't even try to understand, I cannot stand toxic positivity. But anyway I wish you the best, it must be tiring having to suffer like that, existence is just too cruel.

I am sorry, FuneralCry. I am not able to be away from those people physically. Thank you very much for your response. It is indeed insensitive to not try to understand. I appreciate this words very much.

I definitely feel you on this. Life has become so difficult which prompts me to think" what is the point in it anymore" Each task has become painful, and I don't have the energy to do anything now. Other people are just so self-centred. Then there's the cruelty of this world, which is even worse to see.I do wish the best for you, take care.

You really do seem to feel this, Gag786. I'm sorry that you do not have the energy to do things now, people are so self-centered when they should be compassionate to you.
Thank you very much, I wish the best for you too, Gaga786. I appreciate this response.