O
Oddmass
Member
- Nov 25, 2020
- 19
Hello, I am new to this site so I apologize if I do something wrong. I'm just looking to vent I guess but I do however already have a way out. A little over 7 years ago I met the love of my life, I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her. It felt like we were destined for each, the perfect match and absolute soulmates. We completed each other, there was no mistaking we could have been the exact same person. She was my best friend, and I wanted her forever so I decided to propose to her. A little time before this we had found out she was pregnant and it was going to be a boy. I spent every day taking care of her during her pregnancy, both physically and mentally. One night she went to the bathroom and noticed spotting, it wasnt long until blood started pouring out of her and she began to feel light headed. I rushed her to the doctor who said she was having a placental abruption, and that she along with the baby could die. After that they started operating on her while she regained consciousness. I saw everything, the blood, the opening, tools being used. It scarred my mind for life, its something I'll never forget. Then I finally saw them pulling out our baby. They were both perfectly fine, it was the happiest moment of my life that I can never forget. Years later and our son is now a toddler. I dont know what's happened. I dont understand where I went wrong. But my wife of 7 years decides this is it; she doesnt want a family anymore. Shes tired of me and our son and just wants to be young and free. We went through the splitting up process and everything and I now have our boy. I dont know what to think. Every night I spend crying myself to sleep. Nothing brings comfort anymore as everything I do only reminds me of her. I have tried dating around to feel better but it never works, I am incapable of loving any one else. I've tried sex as well but it made me nauseous. I hated the smell of another woman on me, and her taste on my mouth. I have absolutely no one other than my son. My immediate family is all gone and my father passed away from cancer not too long ago. I have never felt so alone in my life. It never gets any better, I can assure you that. There's just no possible way I can ever forget her or stop loving her, how can I? Meanwhile she has absolutely disappeared from our lives without a trace. Every day I repeat things back in my head on what I could have done differently to prevent this. I do nothing but blame myself and just beg God to let me go back even just for one day. If I do end up killing myself I hope Christianity is wrong about suicide sending me to hell, as I'd very much like to see my late father again. He was the only person who truly loved me until the end, through faults and all.