I understand, it's just so terrible and cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing with no limit as to how much one can be tortured yet we exist in this horrific anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what, I always suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to find permanent peace from this dreadful, torturous existence, all I see as desirable is the peace of an eternal sleep where all is finally gone and forgotten and there is no more pain and no more suffering.