Venting Why won't it stop

[genesisofpasaqalia]

I think i have been depressed for as long as i have been a sentient being, however i've always lived a normal and "happy" life, i don't know why i still have suicidal thoughts, especially now that i have a girlfriend and she helps me a lot with it but it just doesn't seem to go away. The dark thoughts stopped for a bit when we started dating but they have gone somewhat back to their usual routine. It doesn't make sense.

 

[Roseate]

Well it's simple. Dating doesn't actually stop suicidal thoughts. The two aren't as correlated as people like to think. But have you tried the psychiatry route?

 

[telro]

I think i have been depressed for as long as i have been a sentient being, however i've always lived a normal and "happy" life

Same.

I can't answer this for you, but for me, I believe that sentience itself is what's causing all the suffering and dark thoughts. The idea of being aware of my own existence is not a pleasant one. When sentience itself is painful, no degree of improving ones life is gonna fix that. That's merely putting makeup on a wound. Personally, I don't see anything that could possibly make self-awareness a pleasant experience, leaving me with only one option

However, your situation may be very different. This just sounded relatable to an extent and for a long time, I also did not understand where my suicidal thoughts came from

 

[genesisofpasaqalia]

Well it's simple. Dating doesn't actually stop suicidal thoughts. The two aren't as correlated as people like to think. But have you tried the psychiatry route?

No, I don't have the condition right now to afford therapy and i don't think my family would understand as well, although i haven't talked to them about it yet.

 

[The anhedonic one]

My depression has always been there, even at the very best of times.
It never goes away.

Same.

I can't answer this for you, but for me, I believe that sentience itself is what's causing all the suffering and dark thoughts. The idea of being aware of my own existence is not a pleasant one. When sentience itself is painful, no degree of improving ones life is gonna fix that. That's merely putting makeup on a wound. Personally, I don't see anything that could possibly make self-awareness a pleasant experience, leaving me with only one option

However, your situation may be very different. This just sounded relatable to an extent and for a long time, I also did not understand where my suicidal thoughts came from

I'm suffering from existential dread.
Existence is a living nightmare.

 

[genesisofpasaqalia]

Same.

I can't answer this for you, but for me, I believe that sentience itself is what's causing all the suffering and dark thoughts. The idea of being aware of my own existence is not a pleasant one. When sentience itself is painful, no degree of improving ones life is gonna fix that. That's merely putting makeup on a wound. Personally, I don't see anything that could possibly make self-awareness a pleasant experience, leaving me with only one option

However, your situation may be very different. This just sounded relatable to an extent and for a long time, I also did not understand where my suicidal thoughts came from

I agree to be honest, the existence itself part is kind of a factor for me as well.

 

[Roseate]

No, I don't have the condition right now to afford therapy and i don't think my family would understand as well, although i haven't talked to them about it yet.

How old are you exactly? I understand families not understanding. I've been dealing with my mental health since before I could get help for it, all by myself. I understand it. And if you don't have insurance, you can try googling some ways to cope with it in the meantime if that's what you choose to do. Anything you decide is fine and completely up to you. Good luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if someone has considered suicide it's impossible to fully let go of the idea, suicide will always exist as an option. And I think that wanting suicide is a logical response to existence itself, the reality is that existence is the true problem, one will always suffer as long as they are aware.

 

[BoredomSeeker]

Same.

I can't answer this for you, but for me, I believe that sentience itself is what's causing all the suffering and dark thoughts. The idea of being aware of my own existence is not a pleasant one. When sentience itself is painful, no degree of improving ones life is gonna fix that. That's merely putting makeup on a wound. Personally, I don't see anything that could possibly make self-awareness a pleasant experience, leaving me with only one option

However, your situation may be very different. This just sounded relatable to an extent and for a long time, I also did not understand where my suicidal thoughts came from

It is actually true that the reason humans can get depressed is because we are aware of ourselves, our past, our future and overall situation. You will never see a depressed deer for example because they simply do not have the mental faculties needed to support such a state of being.