Discussion Why We Don't Ask For Help

[Broken Chimera]

I found an article that I believe is a good outline for why most people don't ask for help.

https:// medium.com/@Shesreallyfat/why-we-dont-just-go-get-help-f09ed00dca58

I want to give my own opinion on each of the points.

Illness: Depression isn't the only reason people commit suicide, but it's one of the main reasons. Depression is an invisible illness. It destroys you from the inside. It's more than feeling sad, it numbs you to the point where you become empty, to the point where you don't even want to try anymore, it becomes nearly impossible to get out of bed during the day. But because you look normal, people expect you to be normal, which is impossible for someone with this illness.

Shame: You're made to feel bad. People say that you have so much to live for, others have it much worse, your friends/family will be hurt if you do it, you'll never do it, you're just saying it for attention. Through those statements you're being silenced. You're being told that your problems and concerns don't matter. Is it any wonder why people don't say anything?

Embarrassment: Similar to shame, embarrassment is where you get put down for having those feelings. You're made to feel less than the people around you. They don't live with it, so why can't you be like them? Why can't you just get over it? If it were that easy, depression wouldn't exist.

Fear: When you first decide to get some help you wonder what's going to happen. Where can I go? Will they call me crazy? Will I get locked up? What will they do for/to me? If you're new to the system it'll be a new world to you. If you've been through it then most likely you know why more people don't look for help. Hit or miss psychiatry, the "mentally ill" stigma that follows you around for the rest of your life, the side effects from the meds you were given, the "We know what's best for you" attitude.

Self-Loathing: You begin to do to yourself what other people have done, you begin to attack yourself. Why can't I get over this? What's wrong with me? Why can't I be normal? You ask these questions again and again with no answers. You begin to resent yourself. You keep going deeper until you feel nothing but scorn for yourself. Imo that's why some people choose the most painful ways to leave, even if they have access to peaceful methods.

Medications: How many people have suffered because of what antidepressants have done to them. The side effects of some of them are worse than the depression itself. There are many reports of people who have or know someone that has suffered from them. Granted people are different so it's hard to find what works. But there are people who have been hurt directly and indirectly thanks to these medications. And because of the "We know what's best for you attitude" most won't even question the side effects of the drugs.

It's Too Much: After someone's been through that first-hand you begin to look for a way out. You know the doctors can't help, your friends/family can't help. So you stay quiet. Pretend that you're over it. Every time someone asks you if you're OK, you lie. You either live with your problems in silence, or you find a way to be happy in life, or you plan your death.

What are your thoughts on this? What are more reasons why people don't look for help or stop trying to get help?

Edit: The site won't let me insert the link properly so take the space out of it.

 

[tooStupidForExitBag]

Very well put. The article was a nice read although I got quite offended when the auther stated that "suicidal thoughts do not come from any form of healthy logic", and that "They're already not thinking clearly if they're contemplating suicide".

Have some personal thoughts I'd like to add.
Fear: I wonder if getting help will even do anything, or will I just be wasting time? Am I making myself vurlnable for nothing? What if trying to get help actually pushes me further over the edge?

Self-Loathing: Who am I allowed to ask help of? Can I share my struggles with my family, I'm not willing to be completly honest so won't I just be manipulating them (by not telling the entire truth) to feel sympathy for me? I put myself in this position, asking close ones for help will drag them down as well. Haven't I hurt enough people already?

It's Too Much: So what if getting help will save me? It requires so much effort, I'm already burnt-out. The last thing I want to do is spend all that energy on getting help.

 

[WinterFaust]

I feel so seen and validated right now. This is so spot on.

Very well put. The article was a nice read although I got quite offended when the auther stated that "suicidal thoughts do not come from any form of healthy logic", and that "They're already not thinking clearly if they're contemplating suicide".

I sometimes don't mind when people argue whether or not suicidal ideation comes from a logical or rational place but I do think the way that it's stated here is a bit condescending and doesn't really leave room for suicidal ideation that does come from a rational mindset. If the author said something like "Often, suicidal ideation is from skewed thinking" it would have been much better.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

I do seek "help", but nothing actually helps me. I only deteriorate further and further. On or off medication, my health and mind keep getting worse. The psychiatrists and therapists don't really have your best interests. They'll have you trial through all the meds there are in the world and wreck havoc on your body if you let them. They get paid anyway. They're the valuable experts, I'm just a statistic on a paper.

 

[262653]

Here's what you need to understand about suicide.

I hate when they do that. Aggressive and imposing. For personal (unapparent) reasons the authors (again, it's not apparent who influenced the writing) decided what to put or omit from their article. But we can assure you that it's what you need. Being honest my ass.

Suicidal ideation is often explained by mental illness. As I understand, Illness is about the lack of health, and health is about living without diseases and debilities, or things that would compromise living. Diseases are about impaired functioning of a body, organ, living system or suchlike. But then you'd have to guess what is the correct functioning so you can recognize the deviation. And this is where I have problems. Some people seem to assume that the correct functioning of humans is to promote and preserve life, and to create more bodies like our own. And when someone doesn't do the correct functioning then such person is called sick and in need for a fix. This is where I have more problems. Some people seem to assume that unhealthy humans have to be turned into healthy ones, diseases have to be cured and prevented. "Have" here implies the necessity which occasionally overwrites whatever the "sick" person has to say about it. Or the imposition a certain state on some people, in other words.

It also appears to me that the author is confusing truth (what seems to be highly consistent with "objective" reality) with ideas, regardless of their truth value, that promote the achieving of specific goals (if anyone knows or has a guess about what how to express this idea in a single word, please, do let me know).
But I can see the practical use in that.

 

[Quarky00]

I found an article that I believe is a good outline for why most people don't ask for help.

I disagree with the article ... I'd say simply : BECAUSE THERE ISN'T HELP!

Prescribing pills is not 'help' ... People need intensive therapy , constant daily support , rehabilitation , and usually multi systematic help . It's not enough to go to therapy and take pills if you can't make ends meet , have domestic issues , can't raise your children , live in a shitty place , find it hard to get out , have pain , etc . "Depression" may be a "condition" but it's usually a complex state of affairs -- and no one will help you with that .

Though I respect highlighting the issues by the article , I despise that constant talk about "personal emotional hurdles" . It sounds as if our emotions and fear are stopping us from seeking help . Not true . This obscures the real evil of the system : healthcare , mental healthcare , welfare ,harmful social behaviours/enviroment , etc . People are looking for help . They don't get it .

I don't think the majority of people in this place are ashamed or fear seeking help -- they are just desperate and/or fucked due to the poor help they have received .

 

[Deathbydemo]

I disagree with the article ... I'd say simply : BECAUSE THERE ISN'T HELP!

Prescribing pills is not 'help' ... People need intensive therapy , constant daily support , rehabilitation , and usually multi systematic help . It's not enough to go to therapy and take pills if you can't make ends meet , have domestic issues , can't raise your children , live in a shitty place , find it hard to get out , have pain , etc . "Depression" may be a "condition" but it's usually a complex state of affairs -- and no one will help you with that .

Though I respect highlighting the issues by the article , I despise that constant talk about "personal emotional hurdles" . It sounds as if our emotions and fear are stopping us from seeking help . Not true . This obscures the real evil of the system : healthcare , mental healthcare , welfare ,harmful social behaviours/enviroment , etc . People are looking for help . They don't get it .

I don't think the majority of people in this place are ashamed or fear seeking help -- they are just desperate and/or fucked due to the poor help they have received .

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

 

[Marktheghost]

Feeling like it'll be a waste of time because we won't get the help we need.

 

[oneside]

I have depression but it's not diagnosed and it doesn't hit me hard frequently. My main reason to ctb is because I'm fed up of trying to succeed in life and fail. I'm frustrated and I'm really tired. Also, no help would be useful to me, simply because I can't see the point in keep living when after more than 8 years of struggle I could get nothing that I fought for.

It pisses me of that this world is based on luck. It doesn't matter how qualified you are, you will always depend on luck. So, I could say that my reason is that I "opened my eyes" to the true face of the world, a world full of injustice and illusions. Maybe I could fit in the "it's too much" category.

 

[Sotiredandscared]

I do seek "help", but nothing actually helps me. I only deteriorate further and further. On or off medication, my health and mind keep getting worse. The psychiatrists and therapists don't really have your best interests. They'll have you trial through all the meds there are in the world and wreck havoc on your body if you let them. They get paid anyway. They're the valuable experts, I'm just a statistic on a paper.

I feel exactly the same... Like there's nothing that can make me feel better. I feel like I am at a point that has no return...

 

[Broken Chimera]

Very well put. The article was a nice read although I got quite offended when the auther stated that "suicidal thoughts do not come from any form of healthy logic", and that "They're already not thinking clearly if they're contemplating suicide".

That was a sticking point for me because many choose suicide because of problems they can't fix. It's a rational decision to an irrational problem. Most people weighed the risks and the benefits of doing it. The benefit being no more suffering.

If the author said something like "Often, suicidal ideation is from skewed thinking" it would have been much better.

I agree.

They'll have you trial through all the meds there are in the world and wreck havoc on your body if you let them. They get paid anyway. They're the valuable experts, I'm just a statistic on a paper.

You're right. They're experts, but how many people have they damaged with their pill therapy. But they never get called out for the damage they cause and ignore. They just do it to more people the next day.

It also appears to me that the author is confusing truth (what seems to be highly consistent with "objective" reality) with ideas, regardless of their truth value, that promote the achieving of specific goals (if anyone knows or has a guess about what how to express this idea in a single word, please, do let me know).
But I can see the practical use in that.

In her defense, she's writing to the average person. Not to suicidal people. If she did, that article probably would be taken down or never put up.

Prescribing pills is not 'help' ... People need intensive therapy , constant daily support , rehabilitation , and usually multi systematic help . It's not enough to go to therapy and take pills if you can't make ends meet , have domestic issues , can't raise your children , live in a shitty place , find it hard to get out , have pain , etc . "Depression" may be a "condition" but it's usually a complex state of affairs -- and no one will help you with that .

Thank you! That's what people focus on for "help", pills and therapy. Some of us are dealing with more than depression. We're dealing with problems that they don't have answers for. You can't just throw people back into the same situation, even if the pills and therapy somehow manages to work. If they go back to the same situation then what good is it?

sounds as if our emotions and fear are stopping us from seeking help . Not true . This obscures the real evil of the system : healthcare , mental healthcare , welfare ,harmful social behaviours/enviroment , etc . People are looking for help . They don't get it .

They don't get it, and they don't want to get it.

I have depression but it's not diagnosed and it doesn't hit me hard frequently. My main reason to ctb is because I'm fed up of trying to succeed in life and fail.

I feel you. For me, it isn't worth trying anymore. Taking one step forward but getting pulled two steps back, who wouldn't get fed up with that?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Personally I don't ask for help because the only one that can help me is myself and I feel helpless.

 

[s1mplem3]

What's the point to ask for help? Look around, there are so many people with mental and physical illness and not all of them want to kill themself. If there is help we wouldn't have that many people that suffer.

What about myself? I live alone, I have to friends, family or anyone else in my life. Obviously I can't even imagine my loved ones to support me cause I simple don't have any. Should I call one of those crisis lines or make an appointment with a psychiatrist? We all know that this all about money and nobody really care about our health or lives.

I live in US and medicine here is very expensive (people even kill themselves cause of med. bills) and I'm sure there is no perfect country with free medicine or doctors that care about us. I know what to expect, what they could say if I called the number. Besides this forum I don't know any other places where I can talk about suicide seriously, this the only play where I can expect understanding and nobody try to throw me into a psych ward just because of my thoughts.

I think in our society being a criminal even better, cause if you're just suicidal and did nothing bad just want to get help you will be treated as a worst human in the world and will end up in psych ward with huge debt. And even if you have to pay that money for their "help" you will be at the same point as before but but with tons of side effects from the meds they've prescribed. Do you even know how they test all the meds we have? Not alway on lab rats, of course human.

Another stupid side of our society. Imagine you're a doctor and you have a problem. Doesnt matter if you know how to help yourself, even you're genius and know better than thousands other specialists, you cant prescribe yourself anything. You have to find a doctor like yourself and if he doesn't give you what you really think might help there is nothing you can do about it and nobody cares if that stupid dumb ass has idea what he's talking about and may cause damage to your health. This our healthcare.

That said, from my 30 years of life experience I found that I can't expect anyone's help, I can't wait for someone to understand my circumstances or feel my pain, even if somebody wants to try that nearly impossible. I can count only on myself and I can't trust anyone in this world. Although I open to help others in here cause I know how hard it is to be on your own. I wouldn't wish the worst enemy my life and loneliness in general, it's really hard and I hope I'll find someone before I die.

 

[Broken Chimera]

Personally I don't ask for help because the only one that can help me is myself and I feel helpless.

That seems like the general consensus on this forum. It's a sad reality, but it's reality nonetheless.

I think in our society being a criminal even better, cause if you're just suicidal and did nothing bad just want to get help you will be treated as a worst human in the world and will end up in psych ward with huge debt. And even if you have to pay that money for their "help" you will be at the same point as before but but with tons of side effects from the meds they've prescribed. Do you even know how they test all the meds we have? Not alway on lab rats, of course human.

I feel your flustration. You're spot on with your comment but I want to touch on the part that stuck out the most. Yes, they use us as lab rats to test their drugs. They don't care how many people get hurt. They just do it because they know no one will get fired for it. And the drug companies are protected so the people lose no matter what.

 

[oopswronglife]

I've asked for help for years. Been ignored, blamed, and occasionally given a med that made me sicker. I attempted and failed. Everyone told me how I HAD to live and get help. I've yet to see that help. I get ignored, blamed, rescheduled, told to wait, pushed off. Even people in my personal life who were seemingly going to rally around me gave up after a few days and now ignore. I wish I had succeeded. I see even more now how people are and how society in the USA will never help me. But now things are so bad I cannot even get through a day without major issues, have no way in or out of life, and am going mad. So many people fought to "save" me against my well documented wishes, but then they charged me huge amounts worsening that issue, and left me with more problems and no path. Not allowed to die...not allowed to prosper..forced to live in hell.

 

[LittleJem]

I would never advise people not to try getting help.

For me - years of therapy - including (now) a very expensive recommended therapist.

Tried maybe 3 or 4 psych meds - some for a long time, some for less time.
Tried maybe 20 alternative remedies.
Tried loads of psychedelics.

Does anything help? Constant suicidal thoughts and panic from the second I wake up.

I have a new prescription for quietiapine - am so scared of it.

I don't know what helps. I want to die. I want that respected. I tell everyone I want to die. Life with mental illness is torture.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Because most of the 'help' I've received has come from idiots who only saw what they've been trained to see. It made things worse. Is help from idiots better or worse than no help at all?

 

[Broken Chimera]

I've asked for help for years. Been ignored, blamed, and occasionally given a med that made me sicker. I attempted and failed. Everyone told me how I HAD to live and get help. I've yet to see that help. I get ignored, blamed, rescheduled, told to wait, pushed off. Even people in my personal life who were seemingly going to rally around me gave up after a few days and now ignore. I wish I had succeeded. I see even more now how people are and how society in the USA will never help me. But now things are so bad I cannot even get through a day without major issues, have no way in or out of life, and am going mad. So many people fought to "save" me against my well documented wishes, but then they charged me huge amounts worsening that issue, and left me with more problems and no path. Not allowed to die...not allowed to prosper..forced to live in hell.

Sorry you're stuck around forced lifers. They might care about you, but their desire for you to live comes from their feelings, not your well being. That's why they're avoiding you now. Because the topic makes them uncomfortable. I've always found that mindset interesting. Contradictive, but interesting. I know that feeling first hand and I'm sorry you're going through that.

I would never advise people not to try getting help.


For me - years of therapy - including (now) a very expensive recommended therapist.


Tried maybe 3 or 4 psych meds - some for a long time, some for less time.

Tried maybe 20 alternative remedies.

Tried loads of psychedelics.


Does anything help? Constant suicidal thoughts and panic from the second I wake up.


I have a new prescription for quietiapine - am so scared of it.


I don't know what helps. I want to die. I want that respected. I tell everyone I want to die. Life with mental illness is torture.

Life with mental illness is torture. Made even worse when you're left to fight it alone. Most people don't understand what it's like so we're not going to be treated fairly. When treatment doesn't work we're blamed for not trying hard enough when in reality it's the treatment that doesn't work. And because we're mentally ill our wants and needs won't be recognized.

Because most of the 'help' I've received has come from idiots who only saw what they've been trained to see. It made things worse. Is help from idiots better or worse than no help at all?

Help from idiots is way more dangerous than no help. They have a one size fits all approach to psychiatry and throwing pills at the problem. There are more failure stories than success stories. But you know how it works, Only talk about the good, ignore the bad. That's why people want this site gone. It highlights what they don't want to recognize, that pills can't fix everything.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sorry you're stuck around forced lifers. They might care about you, but their desire for you to live comes from their feelings, not your well being. That's why they're avoiding you now. Because the topic makes them uncomfortable. I've always found that mindset interesting. Contradictive, but interesting. I know that feeling first hand and I'm sorry you're going through that.



Life with mental illness is torture. Made even worse when you're left to fight it alone. Most people don't understand what it's like so we're not going to be treated fairly. When treatment doesn't work we're blamed for not trying hard enough when in reality it's the treatment that doesn't work. And because we're mentally ill our wants and needs won't be recognized.


Help from idiots is way more dangerous than no help. They have a one size fits all approach to psychiatry and throwing pills at the problem. There are more failure stories than success stories. But you know how it works, Only talk about the good, ignore the bad. That's why people want this site gone. It highlights what they don't want to recognize, that pills can't fix everything.

Couldn't agree more. Some people have positive psych experiences and do need that input. That's not how it was for me.

 

[ithappens]

There were parts of the article I disagreed with, but for the most part I would say it's pretty spot on. Especially the last section about how "help" isn't actually help. I've been to a mental hospital twice in my life so far, and they have never been any help. It's literally a waiting room/prison to make sure you don't kill yourself and many of the nurses and psychiatrists I met there (not all but most) were judgmental and downright aggressive. But I'm not surprised. Mandatory holds and psych wards weren't made to actually help people, they were made to stall the inevitable and give the people in charge a way to make a little extra money off of someone before they die. If they actually wanted to help people they would provide therapists and caring psychiatrists that work with you to find the drug you need or to help you get resources to make your life less miserable. But those resources aren't available because that costs money. Instead we'll lock you up and charge YOU for it, then send you back to the same shit that made you come here in the first place (abusive homes, poverty, homelessness, dysfunctional families, an unnatural work/life environment, etc.).

 

[Quarky00]

That's what people focus on for "help", pills and therapy

I think even pills and therapy can go a long way -- if done properly.

Pills can fuck you up and there's no therapy or help for coping with that. If there had been, maybe things would have been better. Often the case involves just handing over pills while the patient suffers at home/bed, so what's the point?

You need to be in a very safe supportive environment with help, support, guidance and followup to cope with that, even if you are high functioning; a mini-outpatient format. Just 1h every other day is enough. Go out, talk 15m to therapist, do 15m mild physical activity, 15m occupational, set some goals, get some focus - that would make a huge difference.

Leaving that fantasy aside, sadly even the basic psychiatric pill-prescribing is ridden with malpractice. And as we complain about malpractice in MH care, I cannot honestly say that physical conditions are treated attentively, quickly, efficiently.. There is a general health care crisis. That's not new. Doctors are failing. I'm around sick people and they simply stopped asking for help.

My best friend had died from curable cancer -- because there were no appointments and there was a backlog at testing facilities -- so it took months to "diagnose" (by then too late). So fuck you. 'Why we dont seek help'...

 

[Depressedtoolong]

In Norway, patients have the option for residential, medication free treatment for mental illnesses. From what I've read, it seems to work quite well.

For diseases which kill so many of their sufferers, depression and other mental illnesses are not taken seriously enough. Services are systemically underfunded and often the 'poor relation' in national healthcare systems; dominated by medication as treatment strategy, and often staffed by disillusioned and burnt out people who may at one time have had good intentions, but have often been made into shells of human beings by the everyday realities of trying to treat mental illness in a dispiriting and underfunded system.

Nowadays , things are perhaps slightly better for sufferers, at least in the western world, as we have mental health campaigns to try and destigmatise mental illness. However, these campaigns make very slow progress, and so far seem to be powerless to effect real change in how mental health conditions are actually treated. Nothing really changes from one year to the next. In fact, even the medications being prescribed are practically medieval by the standards of modern medicine, with the vast majority having been invented in the mid- to late-twentieth-century.

 

[Broken Chimera]

There were parts of the article I disagreed with, but for the most part I would say it's pretty spot on. Especially the last section about how "help" isn't actually help. I've been to a mental hospital twice in my life so far, and they have never been any help. It's literally a waiting room/prison to make sure you don't kill yourself and many of the nurses and psychiatrists I met there (not all but most) were judgmental and downright aggressive. But I'm not surprised. Mandatory holds and psych wards weren't made to actually help people, they were made to stall the inevitable and give the people in charge a way to make a little extra money off of someone before they die. If they actually wanted to help people they would provide therapists and caring psychiatrists that work with you to find the drug you need or to help you get resources to make your life less miserable. But those resources aren't available because that costs money. Instead we'll lock you up and charge YOU for it, then send you back to the same shit that made you come here in the first place (abusive homes, poverty, homelessness, dysfunctional families, an unnatural work/life environment, etc.).

You're right. Look what they say to addicts, you have to leave where you live. Why isn't it the same for mental illness that's triggered by their environment. You can't be in a sick place expecting to heal.

I think even pills and therapy can go a long way -- if done properly.

Pills can fuck you up and there's no therapy or help for coping with that. If there had been, maybe things would have been better. Often the case involves just handing over pills while the patient suffers at home/bed, so what's the point?

You need to be in a very safe supportive environment with help, support, guidance and followup to cope with that, even if you are high functioning; a mini-outpatient format. Just 1h every other day is enough. Go out, talk 15m to therapist, do 15m mild physical activity, 15m occupational, set some goals, get some focus - that would make a huge difference.

Leaving that fantasy aside, sadly even the basic psychiatric pill-prescribing is ridden with malpractice. And as we complain about malpractice in MH care, I cannot honestly say that physical conditions are treated attentively, quickly, efficiently.. There is a general health care crisis. That's not new. Doctors are failing. I'm around sick people and they simply stopped asking for help.

My best friend had died from curable cancer -- because there were no appointments and there was a backlog at testing facilities -- so it took months to "diagnose" (by then too late). So fuck you. 'Why we dont seek help'...

I'm sorry about your loss. I've lost someone because of the system too. They got put on more meds and their condition only got worse until they couldn't even afford the meds anymore. I waited years to get help for my depression but they did a bad job on that too. I distrust the medical system as a whole because of it.

In Norway, patients have the option for residential, medication free treatment for mental illnesses. From what I've read, it seems to work quite well.

For diseases which kill so many of their sufferers, depression and other mental illnesses are not taken seriously enough. Services are systemically underfunded and often the 'poor relation' in national healthcare systems; dominated by medication as treatment strategy, and often staffed by disillusioned and burnt out people who may at one time have had good intentions, but have often been made into shells of human beings by the everyday realities of trying to treat mental illness in a dispiriting and underfunded system.

Nowadays , things are perhaps slightly better for sufferers, at least in the western world, as we have mental health campaigns to try and destigmatise mental illness. However, these campaigns make very slow progress, and so far seem to be powerless to effect real change in how mental health conditions are actually treated. Nothing really changes from one year to the next. In fact, even the medications being prescribed are practically medieval by the standards of modern medicine, with the vast majority having been invented in the mid- to late-twentieth-century.

That's another problem, antiquated solutions for an antiquated problem. It'll probably be decades before people are open to try different approaches to MH. Most of us will be gone before real change happens. As for stigma, I don't see that ever going away. Some people really want to help, but it's not easy. There's no easy fix for a problem this big.

 

[TAW122]

I'd say your reasons are spot on and good. As for anything else to add, I suppose outside of those categories, there is resentment and hatred for others too. It's not just self-loathing, but maybe an extension of it. People may hate others enough to get a bit of vengeance before going down themselves (uncommon but not unheard of). Or in another slightly different situation, they may have so much angst and hatred for society they just CTB as one form of protest against a cruel and unjust world (in their minds, at least they'll have to clean up my corpse).

 

[ladolcemorte]

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but the sheer incompetence of many health care providers. I was fortunate enough to finally find a few competent, caring professionals, but not before suffering through some unbearably shocking ineptitude and horrendous attitudes.

I stopped seeking help because of the recurring incompetence and, on several occasions, flat out rudeness, that I was met with. It was only after ending up in the hospital from a failed attempt that I ended up in the care of a decent psychiatrist. It was a total fluke.

Our society is very fond of encouraging people to "reach out" for help, but not so good at advising people on what to do when the "help" isn't helping...

 

[LastRide]

It's Too Much: After someone's been through that first-hand you begin to look for a way out. You know the doctors can't help, your friends/family can't help. So you stay quiet. Pretend that you're over it. Every time someone asks you if you're OK, you lie. You either live with your problems in silence, or you find a way to be happy in life, or you plan your death.

Yes, it's too much - and there is no way you can make it less ! People are expecting you to do things, to work out solutions for them, to help them....nobody see that it's you who is being put under so much stress that you simply cannot cope anymore....not physically, not mentally...not because of mental illness, but simply because of burnout, mental and physical overkill ! There is no help available but suicide. They will never leave you alone. If I was physically healthy enough I'd just disappear and live in the woods on my own without any communication but I would not last a week since I'm too handicapped physically to survive on my own. My mind is clear but there is a cluster of noises with demands and expectations that are simply overstrectching my strength. What's the fucking pro-lifers going to tell me? Oh just keep on? No way. CTB is my only way to assert my freedom and my independence.

 

[Kumachan]

Im not looking for help cos noone can help me.

 

[I_love_to_bake]

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but the sheer incompetence of many health care providers. I was fortunate enough to finally find a few competent, caring professionals, but not before suffering through some unbearably shocking ineptitude and horrendous attitudes.

I stopped seeking help because of the recurring incompetence and, on several occasions, flat out rudeness, that I was met with. It was only after ending up in the hospital from a failed attempt that I ended up in the care of a decent psychiatrist. It was a total fluke.

Our society is very fond of encouraging people to "reach out" for help, but not so good at advising people on what to do when the "help" isn't helping...

It's a difficult job to work in the MH field. Those that do care about helping people end up burnt out. There are a few good therapists out there, but you have to be patient and really search. And even with a fantastic therapist who sacrifices a lot of energy for you, deep problems take a long time to work through.

The human experience is so very specific to the individual. Extroverted therapists who can't stand to be alone failing to understand why their introverted clients struggle with stressful social interaction... And now those same therapists have fallen into a deep depression, being forced to isolate at their homes. You gotta appreciate life's irony.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I'd say your reasons are spot on and good. As for anything else to add, I suppose outside of those categories, there is resentment and hatred for others too. It's not just self-loathing, but maybe an extension of it. People may hate others enough to get a bit of vengeance before going down themselves (uncommon but not unheard of). Or in another slightly different situation, they may have so much angst and hatred for society they just CTB as one form of protest against a cruel and unjust world (in their minds, at least they'll have to clean up my corpse).

Some people feel the need to lash out at a society that they feel abandoned them, get their last hit in before they go down (I don't agree with it nor condone it, I'm just saying I understand why). In a lot of these cases they attack people who they don't even know before they end themselves.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it yet, but the sheer incompetence of many health care providers. I was fortunate enough to finally find a few competent, caring professionals, but not before suffering through some unbearably shocking ineptitude and horrendous attitudes.

I stopped seeking help because of the recurring incompetence and, on several occasions, flat out rudeness, that I was met with. It was only after ending up in the hospital from a failed attempt that I ended up in the care of a decent psychiatrist. It was a total fluke.

Our society is very fond of encouraging people to "reach out" for help, but not so good at advising people on what to do when the "help" isn't helping...

Exactly. People can burnout just looking for help and in a lot of cases they give up. Then like you said, people could end up wasting time with a therapist that doesn't know how to treat them. I'm glad you were able to get meaningful help.

It's a difficult job to work in the MH field. Those that do care about helping people end up burnt out. There are a few good therapists out there, but you have to be patient and really search. And even with a fantastic therapist who sacrifices a lot of energy for you, deep problems take a long time to work through.

The human experience is so very specific to the individual. Extroverted therapists who can't stand to be alone failing to understand why their introverted clients struggle with stressful social interaction... And now those same therapists have fallen into a deep depression, being forced to isolate at their homes. You gotta appreciate life's irony.

Working in MH is hard, but if they can't handle it, they need to quit. Ik it takes time to find the right therapist. But going through the process enough gets to you. Once you've been damaged enough, you learn to shut up. Because next time could mess you up permanently. And you really gotta love the irony. I bet a lot of therapists are going to need one before it's over.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

the "mentally ill" stigma

This is something people don't seem to understand and why I think "destigmatizing mental illness", at least when it comes to suicide, is somewhat of an oxymoron.

We should at least differentiate between destigmatizing suicide and destigmatizing the concept of "mental illness"; because calling people who want to die mentally ill—and all that is usually attached to that, so irrational, unreasonable, faulty perception, delusions—is stigmatizing them.