Took me a while to address my smoking, both tobacco and weed. I thought, "But it's my panacea!" It worked for everything; nausea, pain, emotion…
Finally kicked the tobacco this time last year. Was sick of everyone blaming my health problems on it when I knew it wasn't relevant. A year on and there's honestly no difference on that front - I'd love to say that at least my lungs are healthier and I feel better but I don't; I've been getting recurrent chest infections this year lol three so far! No idea why this time was different to all the others when I tried to give it up, maybe I just got used to the extra money and relief from the earache and disapproval I got from others about it lol
The weed is a different story. It did calm my emotions and stimulate my appetite - I couldn't really eat without it - but after tailoring it down to see what happened I found that I could eat after all. Seeing other people's reliance on it woke me up a lot further… two particular people close to home, two very different women (one highly emotional, scatty and unproductive and the other a high achiever and well put together) I saw every day, both revealed their dependence by acting out again and again when it wasn't available to them. I mean full on kicking off, toddler tantrum type deal. Witnessing this made me consider my own relationship with weed.
I realised that they are heavily reliant on it and I wondered if I was in that group too? Maybe I turned to it too quickly as a crutch when I didn't really need it as much as I thought? Over time I gradually tapered down to a couple a day (I was a constant user all day long for at least a decade), then one in the evenings, now at the point when it's not even daily anymore.
I think that if you're dependent on it, there's a problem. I'd you can't do without it, if the thought of running out sends you into a panic, you're too reliant on it. Getting the motivation to give up is highly dependent on your relationship with the drug - if it's constant and interfering with life, it's a problem that needs addressing.
I knew that it was a problem in my life - it took up money I didn't have, made others think badly of me in my pursuit for a health diagnosis ("druggies" aren't offered pain relief as readily nor believed when it comes to self reported symptoms), and I was aware that I turned to it too quickly when anything upset me in any way. Now I sometimes forget that it's even an option lol
I think that's the main thing; if you want to solve a problem you've got to realise that it's a problem in the first place, otherwise you're going to be wondering wtf you're doing, depriving yourself of something that has brought so much comfort for so long. A good way to test that is to try to do without it and see how you do, really find out the nature of your relationship with weed. If you're heading back within hours, or flipping your lid, it's a problem. If you can take it or leave it, you might be okay.
I still smoke weed but mostly choose when to partake instead of feeling a compulsion to do so. Not gonna lie - if I get super stressed out I'm more likely to go have a joint; for me, it's a quick fix to feel better in isolated circumstances, but not on an ongoing basis. I have to feel in control of myself and my emotions and I have to know that I can cope without it.
Ultimately you need to do what is best for you and your welfare. It takes a lot of stark honesty, introspection ad strength to move forward on this one! Please know that you have our love and support no matter what you do on this front - I know that you can work it out in your own time and ultimately make a decision based on your own intelligent analysis of the situation
I feel ya homie. Much love
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