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fivebeyond
Eternal calmness
- Jul 14, 2024
- 15
I no longer understand what makes me get out of bed every day.
For a long time now I have been thinking that if I had such an opportunity, I would just sleep as long as possible every day.
Yes, I have my dog who needs to go outside, eat, drink, and I love my dog. Yes, I need to go to workouts because I'm afraid of getting fat, I need to take care of the house, I need to do this, I need to do that...
What's the point, if my life is doomed?
Some of people might say "but you're so young!"... yet almost every day I feel that I want to rest for eternity, as if I have lived for more than 90+ years already. Every single major difficulty I encounter, makes me feel numb and shows how miserable and weak I am when, shows, that I won't succeed in my life at all. Someone once told me "your life is awesome compared to others, and you still complain," and yes, damn it, if I am like that, then I am miserable.
I had my first suicidal attempt almost a year ago, and today when I feel bad, I try not to show it to anyone, because I feel guilty - I couldn't recover.
Some may think that I am just a young boy, inexperienced in life, who has given up on everything in advance for no reason... but I don't care.
Call me an egoist, but I just want to be allowed to retire in peace when I decide to do so. Without anyone telling me "do you have any idea how worried you've made others?".
For a long time now I have been thinking that if I had such an opportunity, I would just sleep as long as possible every day.
Yes, I have my dog who needs to go outside, eat, drink, and I love my dog. Yes, I need to go to workouts because I'm afraid of getting fat, I need to take care of the house, I need to do this, I need to do that...
What's the point, if my life is doomed?
Some of people might say "but you're so young!"... yet almost every day I feel that I want to rest for eternity, as if I have lived for more than 90+ years already. Every single major difficulty I encounter, makes me feel numb and shows how miserable and weak I am when, shows, that I won't succeed in my life at all. Someone once told me "your life is awesome compared to others, and you still complain," and yes, damn it, if I am like that, then I am miserable.
I had my first suicidal attempt almost a year ago, and today when I feel bad, I try not to show it to anyone, because I feel guilty - I couldn't recover.
Some may think that I am just a young boy, inexperienced in life, who has given up on everything in advance for no reason... but I don't care.
Call me an egoist, but I just want to be allowed to retire in peace when I decide to do so. Without anyone telling me "do you have any idea how worried you've made others?".