Venting Why me...Im so gross...

[Unreal_꒰ঌ♡໒꒱_Lover]

Urggsgsbwmam I actually hate myself,,,, its not even the fact that I relapsed for cutting that got to me,,, its the fact Im going back to watching PORN of all things to try and feel better about myself,,, im so gross, I just got over my porn addicting self about 7 months ago and haven't been be overly consuming it and constantly masturbating, not only are my thighs a bloody mess but here I am....gross in between my thighs. I don't care if I sound weird for getting upset at myself for relapsing in 2 separate ways im annoyed at myself and the fact i did it in the first place makes me a gross horrible being

 

[snowbird]

well, if masturbation is the only thing that gives you pleasure and lets you feel something for a while, then why not go for it?
there are surely way more unhealthy things to be addicted to, imho.
I don't think it's gross at all.
now I don't know if you're simply on your period or you use objects/blunt force to actually hurt yourself - if it's the latter I'd obviously tell you to please be more careful.

 

[ToastInTheShell]

Don't be so hard on yourself for relapsing, its happened to everyone. 7 months sounds like a long time for any addiction, you should be proud of urself :)

I also kinda agree with snowbird, there are far worse things to be addicted to. Masturbation is pretty damn human, and unless it's actively fucking up ur life it shouldn't really a problem. The vast majority of people do it pretty regularly, so you shouldn't see it as gross.

 

[Unreal_꒰ঌ♡໒꒱_Lover]

well, if masturbation is the only thing that gives you pleasure and lets you feel something for a while, then why not go for it?
there are surely way more unhealthy things to be addicted to, imho.
I don't think it's gross at all.
now I don't know if you're simply on your period or you use objects/blunt force to actually hurt yourself - if it's the latter I'd obviously tell you to please be more careful.

No offense but the whole reason I'm not going for it is because its been causing me major problems in life, id do it to the point where id pas out fo hours and immediately when i woke up go back to doing it and just mainly be sleeping throughout my day and miss any important stuff, id do it to the point I was becoming like some weird femcel and was even doing it on my period, not only that but media i consumed was horrible unless it contained any form of pornography in it, so it was basically ruining my life, so only that but add to the fact im masochistic and its even worse. Im trying to get better, not going back. And the way I was going about masturbation was extremely unhealthy.

 

[snowbird]

I see.
No shaming or judgement from my side here.
Have you maybe considered seeking a master/mistress? I'm not sure if S/M with a partner is something that would appeal to you, but most masters follow certain codes within the scene and if you find the right person, they could act as a sort of guide for you and you could learn to practice this in a healthy way. They usually take good care of their subs.
It sounds to me like you lost quite a bit of self control and entrusting someone else with this level of control over you, might be healthy and deliberating in your case.
Not saying it's a great solution or anything, just suggesting options here~

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Masturabtion is fine and even healthy and masturbating during your period is normal. Passing out after masturbating is also very common and normal, as is doing it after you wake up. I pass out after masturbating all the time and I sometimes go back to it after I wakeup, lol. It sounds like you might have a high libido which is nothing to feel ashamed about.

 

[vitbar]

When struggling against any addiction it's important to expect you'll fall off the wagon and be prepared for it. The two most important things if it happens is to be kind to yourself, you are only human, and to get back on the wagon as soon as you can. It's a bump in the road, not the end of the road.

 

[Unreal_꒰ঌ♡໒꒱_Lover]

When struggling against any addiction it's important to expect you'll fall off the wagon and be prepared for it. The two most important things if it happens is to be kind to yourself, you are only human, and to get back on the wagon as soon as you can. It's a bump in the road, not the end of the road.

Thanks so much for this it means a lot, i guess i was feeling way out of it since it was like in the middle of the night for me and I was panicking but im doing a lot better right now!!! Thanks very much and I hope you have the best and amazing day ever<333(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠)⁠つ⁠⊂⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠)

Masturabtion is fine and even healthy and masturbating during your period is normal. Passing out after masturbating is also very common and normal, as is doing it after you wake up. I pass out after masturbating all the time and I sometimes go back to it after I wakeup, lol. It sounds like you might have a high libido which is nothing to feel ashamed about.

Its gotten so bad at one point I passed out cuz I was accidentally starving myself and also I barely kept up with hygiene, sure it can be normal but when it messes up your own life youve got a problem, if i was a guy more people would take it seriously but im not so people dont really care!! At one point all i saw women for was sex and even gotten dumped because i wasnt talking to my ex gf cuz i was focused on it more than talking to anyone including her. But ig its just high libido ╮⁠(⁠＾⁠▽⁠＾⁠)⁠╭

I can relate, masturbation and pornography ruined my life along with alcohol and drug addiction.

I'm still struggling with hateful feelings about myself, I'm clean and sober from drugs and alcohol for some years but every so often the porn hits me and I feel disgusting and want to end it all because I fail and do it again. I think to get 7 months is pretty amazing, I hope you can get back to that mindset somehow.

You should be proud of how much you've reduced your porn consumption and the self harm and remember that hard work you've done is never wasted, even if there's a relapse.

I've had help and it does work to an extent and without it I would be so much worse. I have to keep working and trying to leave everything alone but I weaken at times and much like you have said my masturbation is hurtful and harsh.

I hope you can find your path again and always know you're not on your own, there is help out there.

Best wishes.

Thank you so much this means a lot to me im glad to know im not alone with my issues, i guess my only problem was that I never had a plan for if I relapsed at all, i hope you have the best day ever and hopefully go fully clean in the future!!o⁠(⁠(⁠*⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠)⁠o

I see.
No shaming or judgement from my side here.
Have you maybe considered seeking a master/mistress? I'm not sure if S/M with a partner is something that would appeal to you, but most masters follow certain codes within the scene and if you find the right person, they could act as a sort of guide for you and you could learn to practice this in a healthy way. They usually take good care of their subs.
It sounds to me like you lost quite a bit of self control and entrusting someone else with this level of control over you, might be healthy and deliberating in your case.
Not saying it's a great solution or anything, just suggesting options here~

Shut the actual fuck up, you're gross and thats it....why is this your immediate reaction.....i think you should actually ask yourself why this is your immediate response when i told you my problems....its not normal what i do and for you to say this is absolutely degenerate behavior, like tf you on lmfao....i think you need help or something,like why cant you just make a post random somewhere else asking for a gf. Like are you sure you're not a porn addict as well and just haven't come to terms with it?????im sure its not too late for you to seek help...like im not entirely mad, i kinda laughed when i saw this post i just kinda wanna know your thought process

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Its gotten so bad at one point I passed out cuz I was accidentally starving myself and also I barely kept up with hygiene, sure it can be normal but when it messes up your own life youve got a problem, if i was a guy more people would take it seriously but im not so people dont really care!! At one point all i saw women for was sex and even gotten dumped because i wasnt talking to my ex gf cuz i was focused on it more than talking to anyone including her. But ig its just high libido ╮⁠(⁠＾⁠▽⁠＾⁠)⁠╭

Oh, that is bad. For reference, I likely would have posted the same thing if you were a guy, so this isn't some gendered thing. Have you tried seeing someone about this? Compulsive masturbation can have many causes, including being the result of mental illnesses like depression or being due to you being more at risk for addiction. I'd imagine there should be some treatment options that could be offered to you to help you fix or, at the bare minimum, manage your problem.

 

[snowbird]

Shut the actual fuck up, you're gross and thats it....why is this your immediate reaction.....i think you should actually ask yourself why this is your immediate response when i told you my problems....its not normal what i do and for you to say this is absolutely degenerate behavior, like tf you on lmfao....i think you need help or something,like why cant you just make a post random somewhere else asking for a gf. Like are you sure you're not a porn addict as well and just haven't come to terms with it?????im sure its not too late for you to seek help...like im not entirely mad, i kinda laughed when i saw this post i just kinda wanna know your thought process

Jesus Christ, girl, you got issues! Tho not the ones you think you actually have... We're all adults here and YOU are the one posting in public how you masturbate and hurt yourself while doing it to the point where your body is covered in blood, like showing off as if you're proud of this or hope to attract some people who have this kind of fetish. (Like what has your detailed description of these events even to do with this forum?? Only e-thots hoping to advertize their onlyfans would share this kind of information...)

All I did was suggest a HEALTHY way of MAYBE getting an addiction into a somewhat controlled direction (since for some reason everyone here always shys away from sexual therapy, plus I had a friend (male) who suffered from this as well and was able to control it more this way) and your response is sooo fkn immature, like what are you? 14, pretending to be 18+?? You have SUCH a problem with sexuality in general, that you should be in therapy for this since yesterday!
Don't get mad when you post about a sexual problem and someone has an opinion on it.
I never judge, I never kinkshame, I'm a big advocate of doing what you like as long as it doesn't hurt others.

 

[Unreal_꒰ঌ♡໒꒱_Lover]

Oh, that is bad. For reference, I likely would have posted the same thing if you were a guy, so this isn't some gendered thing. Have you tried seeing someone about this? Compulsive masturbation can have many causes, including being the result of mental illnesses like depression or being due to you being more at risk for addiction. I'd imagine there should be some treatment options that could be offered to you to help you fix or, at the bare minimum, manage your problem.

Yea im seeing a therapist and hes really helped me a lot on limiting myself and stuff and has given me alternatives other than it, usually its so unhealthy but maybe cuz i made that post late at night i had 0 hope but right now im doj g great and trying to tk build myself up again

I see.
No shaming or judgement from my side here.
Have you maybe considered seeking a master/mistress? I'm not sure if S/M with a partner is something that would appeal to you, but most masters follow certain codes within the scene and if you find the right person, they could act as a sort of guide for you and you could learn to practice this in a healthy way. They usually take good care of their subs.
It sounds to me like you lost quite a bit of self control and entrusting someone else with this level of control over you, might be healthy and deliberating in your case.
Not saying it's a great solution or anything, just suggesting options here~

Ermmm.....lowkey ur kind of weird to post this immediately after...im trying to distance myself from stuff like that not dive headfirst in it. You seem like an edgy teen ... especially the squiggly thing at the end, like cant you just make normal post or at least say hope you get better, i don't even like all that weird stuff anyways...like do you have or gf/bf or sumin or cant you just make a post saying you want one instead of saying this weird bs...no full offense just kinda wanted to know your thought processor maybe you have porn addiction too and haven't come to terms withlike i mean thanks ig

 

[Sheller]

你已经很强大了。你已经掌控了七个月。也许你可以试着在体力耗尽之前让自己的身体稍微疲惫一点。

 

[Unreal_꒰ঌ♡໒꒱_Lover]

Jesus Christ, girl, you got issues! Tho not the ones you think you actually have... We're all adults here and YOU are the one posting in public how you masturbate and hurt yourself while doing it to the point where your body is covered in blood, like showing off as if you're proud of this or hope to attract some people who have this kind of fetish. (Like what has your detailed description of these events even to do with this forum?? Only e-thots hoping to advertize their onlyfans would share this kind of information...)

All I did was suggest a HEALTHY way of MAYBE getting an addiction into a somewhat controlled direction (since for some reason everyone here always shys away from sexual therapy, plus I had a friend (male) who suffered from this as well and was able to control it more this way) and your response is sooo fkn immature, like what are you? 14, pretending to be 18+?? You have SUCH a problem with sexuality in general, that you should be in therapy for this since yesterday!
Don't get mad when you post about a sexual problem and someone has an opinion on it.
I never judge, I never kinkshame, I'm a big advocate of doing what you like as long as it doesn't hurt others.

I never said i was looking for people to actually enjoy this, im just venting about how mad i was that i relapsed(ps i made that post late at night when i was having a panic attack so it was all a blur and mainly just immediate feelings))all i asked for was your actual thought process on why you would immediately tell a STRANGER to resort to that stuff...(I dont even like that stuff since im more vanilla) and i wasnt bragging nor was showing off, i kept saying how gross it was because it is gross, that stuff is far from normal and im not proud of it at all, i hate it so much and even the thought of s3x nowadays repulses me.….amd also i dont do both at the same time since that stuff is disturbing i just relapsed at different times of the day for the two separately(kinda bad at describing stuff cuz im autistic)and i have seen therapy started "normal" when i was 15 and have even tried s3xual therapy as an adult but it just made my feelings toward it worse, idk i guess just seeing your post made me think of those skeezy guys when i was younger pressure me to do stuff in a way but still framed it in a way that wasnt direct so they'd get away with it and turn it back on me, and sorry but im also diagnosed with bpd so sorry cuz i may have been having mood swings or just wanted to lash out or sumin idk, your comment just seemed weird to me at the time (and also i am 18 i have proof as well if you dont believe me)ps(maybe read my other comments cuz since i talk about NOT liking it at all or maybe dont comment on someone saying theyre getting over a porn addiction by suggesting something porn related(no offense)) now im tired and its like 2 in the morning rn so im off to bed

你已经很强大了。你已经掌控了七个月。也许你可以试着在体力耗尽之前让自己的身体稍微疲惫一点。

非常感谢！这对我来说意义重大，这将激励我更加努力地保持清洁，希望你度过美好的一天/夜晚，不要遇到任何麻烦。（如果翻译得不好，请原谅，因为我不懂中文，所以我使用了谷歌）