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LiveOrganization97
I wish I was like you - easily amused
- Jul 27, 2024
- 28
I know that people say lows are a part of life. I wouldn't argue with that. I accept that. What they can't possibly imagine is that to me lows aren't just moments. They're like oil stains. Once they're there, they're forever there. And if you don't stop them quickly, they spread all over the fabric. They leak into other parts of the fabric.
The sadness takes over and leaks into every aspect of your life. It taints everything. Once is there is there to stay. I wish joy had the power to dissolve these stains. I wish it could at least stay just as long. It never does.
So no, I can't handle these lows. I understand they have to happen. But it seems that for everybody else in the world they're not so persistent. They come, they go. Mine stay. Forever.
Grief is something you grow around, but what if it is your grief that grows around you? And you keep on trying to outgrow it, but you never catch. The pain swallows you whole every time. You fight it only to figure out you were better off if you didn't. You'd have less wounds to heal. And they never do anyway.
I'm tired. Today was supposed to be a good day. By every aspect it was. Except for my heart. It's so irremediably broken. I don't know what to do with all its pieces anymore. They're so many and so small they're starting to look more like sand.
I love my friends, I love what has been going on for me, I'm grateful for the stage my life's at right now. But I can't feel any of that. I wish I did. And I'm sorry to all those who love me, 'cause I can't find a good reason to stay.
I'm tired of everything not making sense, being ruined, hurting me. To be clear: nobody is hurting me. Nothing is actually happening. It's just my brain. It's just me. I'm the problem. I'm fucked up.
I'm tired. I hope to go to sleep and not get up. I'm so, so, so tired. I pray to God he listens and takes away my pain, my life. I can't do this anymore.
The sadness takes over and leaks into every aspect of your life. It taints everything. Once is there is there to stay. I wish joy had the power to dissolve these stains. I wish it could at least stay just as long. It never does.
So no, I can't handle these lows. I understand they have to happen. But it seems that for everybody else in the world they're not so persistent. They come, they go. Mine stay. Forever.
Grief is something you grow around, but what if it is your grief that grows around you? And you keep on trying to outgrow it, but you never catch. The pain swallows you whole every time. You fight it only to figure out you were better off if you didn't. You'd have less wounds to heal. And they never do anyway.
I'm tired. Today was supposed to be a good day. By every aspect it was. Except for my heart. It's so irremediably broken. I don't know what to do with all its pieces anymore. They're so many and so small they're starting to look more like sand.
I love my friends, I love what has been going on for me, I'm grateful for the stage my life's at right now. But I can't feel any of that. I wish I did. And I'm sorry to all those who love me, 'cause I can't find a good reason to stay.
I'm tired of everything not making sense, being ruined, hurting me. To be clear: nobody is hurting me. Nothing is actually happening. It's just my brain. It's just me. I'm the problem. I'm fucked up.
I'm tired. I hope to go to sleep and not get up. I'm so, so, so tired. I pray to God he listens and takes away my pain, my life. I can't do this anymore.