Discussion why is self harm (non suicidal self injury) considered so horrible?

[mahoganylvr]

i'm really bad at regulating my emotions consistently. i can do it when it matters (at work, in public, etc), but when i'm alone i just fall apart. sometimes coping skills either just don't work for me, or i don't have the energy/time to do them before i feel like i'm going to explode. when that happens, it's easier and more effective to just self harm. cutting, scratching, pinching, and punching myself do the same thing as the other skills do, but with less effort. when i feel that pain, it immediately makes me feel better. it puts me back into the present and into my body. it makes me get out of my head because my body is paying attention to something else, and the brief moment where i'm more focused on the pain gives me enough time to slow down. i can think more rationally, i can breathe again, and my emotions get easier to handle.

i get why cutting and burning are considered problems, especially when it's extreme (deep cuts, cuts near veins/arteries, or burns causing nerve damage, etc.). i get why self harm is considered a problem when it is paired with suicidal intent as well. but in my case, i don't cut deep, i don't break skin when punching, scratching, biting, pinching, etc. i don't understand why people like me are considered problematic when we are just using NSSI as an emotional regulation tool.

other people self harm and get no pushback. binge drinking and smoking cigarettes are considered normal. unsafe sex and hookups are considered normal. speeding is considered normal. tattoos and piercings could also be considered self harm. there are so many methods of self harm that either cause or have the potential to cause bodily harm that no one cares about. so why are the "classic" methods of self harm seen as so bad? why is it seen as a behavior to correct instead of just another tool for emotional regulation? why is there such a horrible social stigma against it? i just don't understand. do any of y'all have a perspective on this?

 

[timf]

You are right, self-harm comes in many forms. Often is is done as a way to feel like you have some control in life. Ironically while this feeling can be positive, it often comes as other things worsen. If there are things that should be controlled but are instead ignored and allowed to worsen, it can even accelerate the feeling of the need to self-harm.

Many people escape their anxiety causing environments by reading fiction stories. This can be similar to self-harm in that it can neglect things that should be controlled. There are some environments that cannot be controlled or escaped from and have to be endured. For these, reading can be a way of entering a world where things are scripted and orderly.

While reading does not contribute to some of the negative effects of self harm, it also does not help one learn the skills necessary in life to control one's environment, such as how to negotiate with others. Frequently the "need" to self harm or otherwise withdraw is a result of awkward social encounters with family, friends, school mates, or even coworkers.

It is a shame that as children we are not taught useful skills like how to ask someone to back off, share interests, or even how to identify toxic people. Since we can be pretty ignorant of such skills, we are left to learn for ourselves through experimentation or help each other through forums like this.