Why is it so hard

[ShadowedChaos]

I don't know what I can even do anymore I feel bored and lost with everything I'm trying everyday to occupy my mind but it's harder somedays. I feel like doing something drastic something anything to get out of myself. I want to disappear again get away from it all go on another bad path with no sense of control but even when I want I find myself unable. I'm in a situation now that's fucking with my head I can't do what I want cause I know what has to be done if I say what I feel everything is at risk. I just don't know what to do, do I just starting throwing my dignity and self respect away to feel something to feel away from all of this pain. I've had so many types of people I've gotten along with but I just don't belong at fucking all. How do I make sense of this strange feeling I always feel unsure of what is truth or lies or wanting to just do something random and see where it leads me. My body is physically everywhere in feeling I feel like sleeping for eternity or absolute restlessness of not being able sleep and wanting to be somewhere else. As soon as I sleep I go into something that constantly wrecks my mental and sends me into panic when I wake up.

 

[hell toupee]

Do you ever look at random people in public and wish you trade places with them to have a normal, regular life? I used to do that all the time.

I can empathize with you. I spend way too much time in my own head and constantly wish I could step outside of myself. I try my best just to keep busy, but then I run out of things to do and I go right back in to the circle of thoughts.

Sorry you are going through this.

 

[ShadowedChaos]

Do you ever look at random people in public and wish you trade places with them to have a normal, regular life? I used to do that all the time.

I can empathize with you. I spend way too much time in my own head and constantly wish I could step outside of myself. I try my best just to keep busy, but then I run out of things to do and I go right back in to the circle of thoughts.

Sorry you are going through this.

I used to want to or at least pcitured myself in a different life. Yeah I keep trying to step out of myself it just feels everytime I do something pulls me back into the depths or shows me everything I hate with this world. Thank you

 

[hell toupee]

I used to want to or at least pcitured myself in a different life. Yeah I keep trying to step out of myself it just feels everytime I do something pulls me back into the depths or shows me everything I hate with this world. Thank you

I've never done them personally, but maybe this is why people like doing disassociative drugs like ketamine.

That said, where I live they've had ketamine therapy in a legal, clinical setting for a few years now (for depression, etc). There seems to be a lot of people claiming it works - getting them off the horrible pharmaceuticals every psyche doc plies people with. I do believe that antidepressants, ssri's, etc., help some people, but I am also a firm believer that crap just makes things worse for just as many.

I was hospitalized after my wife died for 5 weeks. Although this was for mysterious nerve damage I had developed in my extremities, I had told them my wife took her life and they put me on 13 different medications. Antidepressants, ptsd meds, nerve meds, etc etc etc. That stuff messed me up so bad that less than a month after discharge I threw them all in the garbage and felt 1000x better mentally after getting off that stuff.