Venting Why is it so hard to kms?

[shyguy-g59]

I'm so mentally drained and exhausted I'm starting to wake up pissed off. Every day is the same shit and nothing ever changes because I can't change myself. I hate myself and there's nothing I can do about it. For 2 months I've been searching and attempting ways to go but they all seem to fail or be extremely difficult to do/acquire. So many people say It's so easy to get this and that in my area yet I'm spending weeks to find these specific things and can't find them at all. Why is it so hard to find a peaceful way to die? I can't do anything about it but be mad at the fact. I want to scream so loud and cry but it won't do anything. I seriously hate my life and all I want is to just find a peaceful way out of here. Having bpd is not fun and it's making my life a living hell. Anyways, I'm hoping to find someone who's selling sn to individuals and not priced at $200-500. Easy to get my ass, almost every website is out of stock or only selling to a company. Would try charcoal burning but even that seems difficult to pull off correctly.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I share your frustration. It's not easy because they (governments, companies, regulators) make it as difficult as possible. It is at least legal in most of the world to take your own life now- so they have to find other ways of putting you off. Restricting/illegalising the most peaceful ways is one of those ways. I expect many people with suicidal ideation simply don't commit because of the fear surrounding the most violent methods.

I imagine the main drive in keeping everyone alive for so long is money. You either work and pay tax or you consume and provide jobs for other people who work and pay tax. Plus, no company wants to get sued or get a reputation for distributing a product that kills people.

I'm sorry you feel so trapped. I think a lot of us do.

 

[lionetta12]

I'm so mentally drained and exhausted I'm starting to wake up pissed off. Every day is the same shit and nothing ever changes because I can't change myself. I hate myself and there's nothing I can do about it. For 2 months I've been searching and attempting ways to go but they all seem to fail or be extremely difficult to do/acquire. So many people say It's so easy to get this and that in my area yet I'm spending weeks to find these specific things and can't find them at all. Why is it so hard to find a peaceful way to die? I can't do anything about it but be mad at the fact. I want to scream so loud and cry but it won't do anything. I seriously hate my life and all I want is to just find a peaceful way out of here. Having bpd is not fun and it's making my life a living hell. Anyways, I'm hoping to find someone who's selling sn to individuals and not priced at $200-500. Easy to get my ass, almost every website is out of stock or only selling to a company. Would try charcoal burning but even that seems difficult to pull off correctly.

I wanted CO, but moved away from it due to all the parts of it that you have to get right, just too much that can go wrong. SN is my new method, but like you said, was not cheap to obtain.

 

[Seekingawayout]

I feel you. I've been trying for 3 days straight. I just want it to be over. Hanging seems so easy, but I hate the feeling of passing out of I'm not laying down. So I've been desperately trying to get tourniquet method to work.

 

[ikadasui]

Waking up and instantly I'm washed over by a wave anxiety and disappointment. Groundhog day is no joke and living on a loop will drive you mad, and it's not something I can break out of because I don't have the skills or resources to do anything new about it. Feels like being condemned to a fate worse than death and the keys to leave the cell are right before me and yet it's so hard to just pick them, unlock the door and walk out

 

[makethepainstop]

Waking up and instantly I'm washed over by a wave anxiety and disappointment. Groundhog day is no joke and living on a loop will drive you mad, and it's not something I can break out of because I don't have the skills or resources to do anything new about it. Feels like being condemned to a fate worse than death and the keys to leave the cell are right before me and yet it's so hard to just pick them, unlock the door and walk out

How very very true. The keys are within reach, but something stops us. I hate it! I just want the pain to stop.

 

[shyguy-g59]

I feel you. I've been trying for 3 days straight. I just want it to be over. Hanging seems so easy, but I hate the feeling of passing out of I'm not laying down. So I've been desperately trying to get tourniquet method to work.

How's that working out for you? Have you done any research before trying anything? I understand we all have problems we're going through, but please don't put yourself through more pain by attempting a way that won't work. I hope all goes well for you and everyone else in this thread. My heart is yours and I'd sacrifice myself in a heartbeat if it meant I can bring happiness to every living soul on this planet.

 

[Seekingawayout]

I did research. I did actually have it work a couple times when I practiced, but I wasn't ready to go yet.
But now that I am ready, I can't replicate it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it to be so disgusting how suicide is purposely made as difficult as possible for us, it's awful how such peaceful and ideal methods exist yet we are so cruelly denied them and we have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave this prison like existence. It really is like we are being punished all because of the decisions of others to selfishly procreate, as we have to pay the price because we were so unfairly forced into this world. It's insanity trying to keep people here against their wishes as to die is the most normal thing ever and continuing to exist is only ever delaying the inevitable anyway, so there is nothing to justify making suicide so difficult when all that continuing to exist really is, is just waiting around to die.

Suicide should be as straightforward as just wishing to be gone, we shouldn't have to spend a second longer here than we wish to. But the difficulties and complications involved in planning to die is the only reason as to why I continue to exist and I hate the fact that I've managed to exist for this long. Your frustrations are understandable as it certainly is such a frustrating thing how difficult it is to voluntarily exit. The thought of being dead is the only comfort to me as it would solve the true problem which is life itself but it's tragic how the society we exist in does everything to deny people this.

 

[shyguy-g59]

I did research. I did actually have it work a couple times when I practiced, but I wasn't ready to go yet.
But now that I am ready, I can't replicate it.

Are you comfortable sharing the method? I've tried partial hanging and instantly got lightheaded within 2-5 seconds but the position was so uncomfortable. The pain didn't really bother me, in fact, it was my knees and toes that were in the most pain lmao.

 

[Seekingawayout]

Do you mean the tourniquet method, or my partial set up?

 

[shyguy-g59]

Do you mean the tourniquet method, or my partial set up?

The tourniquet way

 

[Seekingawayout]

There is a thread in the resource section.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Are you comfortable sharing the method? I've tried partial hanging and instantly got lightheaded within 2-5 seconds but the position was so uncomfortable. The pain didn't really bother me, in fact, it was my knees and toes that were in the most pain lmao.

I tried partial and I agree, it wasn't comfortable at all. Not even to the point that I feel like I could wait for unconsciousness. Also I don't live alone so if I move too much or make too much noise I'm afraid I'll be found. My whole body, mainly my lips and fingertips had a tingling sensation that I hated.

 

[Wannagonow]

It's hard because society and the government work very hard to control this part of our lives. They throw up all kinds of obstacles that frankly end up with many of us leaving this world in terrible pain and suffering. I could feel your frustration with every word you typed. I truly understand it because at this time I'm still waiting for that magical, painless sure fire method. If ctb is what you really want, please be as patient as you can (I know that's hard). Your answers will come. I wish you peace until the roadwork to your method and journey are in place.