Venting Why is it so hard to accept that I am worthless?

[Nothing87]

I am getting really tired... I did everything to prove my worth to everyone but I always end up being worthless. I was shamed because they said I was not suffering enough and they always say that suffering is what makes you a stronger person and that you should suffer and take a risk for the sake of other people. As much as I wanted to die I have no choice because I still have many responsibilities to do and I really can't take it anymore because of these judgemental people in my surroundings. I really want to end this pain and I don't want to stay alive anymore, I hate myself and my life.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

They can go fuck themselves. Suffering doesn't make you stronger, it just stresses you out and may even leave you traumatized. Also, you shouldn't rely on others to validate your suffering. To some people, you may have suffered a lot and to others, you may have not suffered at all. At the end of the day, you are the only one who gets to determine whether or not you feel like you have been suffering. It sounds like they just projecting their insecurities onto you.

 

[Nothing87]

Also, you shouldn't rely on others to validate your suffering.

I do agree with you, I felt lost and I don't know who exactly am I and it is also a reason why I rely on others. I really need to work of improving this kind of thinking.

It sounds like they just projecting their insecurities onto you

I live in a country full of religious people and I felt like an evil person because I don't fit in their "moral" values and standard and they shame me and make me feel like an outcast. It's hella tiring..

 

[Sadbanana]

This will sound corny as heck. But it is because you are actually, objectively not worthless. Sorry, but thats just a fucking bulshit lie. You are just treated like that, which you don't desrve. I got to know for myself that that it's not just so simple to not care what others think, after all we are social specie that depended very much on others liking us, when it comes to survival.

Plus religious people can really be obnoxious sometimes. I'm atheist and I know many respectful Christians that accept me like this, but I also met few morons that think all atheists are worse then Hitler. So if you are trans, gay or something jusy don't take those idiots seriously.

There is definitely a lot you can do to rewrite those nasty beliefs. Like noticing your thought patterns everytime you think about being worthless and logically debunking it, it takes many times but it will eventually become a subconscious process. At least this helped me a lot in past.

 

[Archness]

This will sound corny as heck. But it is because you are actually, objectively not worthless. Sorry, but thats just a fucking bulshit lie. You are just treated like that, which you don't desrve. I got to know for myself that that it's not just so simple to not care what others think, after all we are social specie that depended very much on others liking us, when it comes to survival.

Plus religious people can really be obnoxious sometimes. I'm atheist and I know many respectful Christians that accept me like this, but I also met few morons that think all atheists are worse then Hitler. So if you are trans, gay or something jusy don't take those idiots seriously.

There is definitely a lot you can do to rewrite those nasty beliefs. Like noticing your thought patterns everytime you think about being worthless and logically debunking it, it takes many times but it will eventually become a subconscious process. At least this helped me a lot in past.

I feel like you're just some redditor from r/Atheism .

Also, I find saying "I'm worthless" and having a stranger say "Nuh-uh! You're actually suuper talented and worth everything", It comes off as a bit patronizing. You seem like the kind of pro-life person who says that everyone has a "talent" and "value", but that just isn't the case.
back to OP ...

You shouldn't listen to these people who just invalidate and gaslight whatever suffering & pain you're going through. If they're insisting to take risks and suffer instead of them then they're just taking advantage of you. What do you owe these people? Are you their slave?

I understand how much it hurts to realize you'll never "Earn" that validation, the acceptance. Those people will never be appeased with you, they're looking for excuses to let off steam and make you feel awful.

They'll never stop beating you over the head with shame to make you think or do what they want. Realizing the nature of those kinds of people and knowing you should stop worrying about them and their unobtainable appreciation is the first step towards really moving forwards.

I'd suggest talking to people outside of that group. Try to produce something, but don't show those people, anyone else. People you know, even the public. You'll be surprised and could see the true value you have.

We could talk more in-depth in DMs if you'd like.

 

[Sadbanana]

I feel like you're just some redditor from r/Atheism .

Also, I find saying "I'm worthless" and having a stranger say "Nuh-uh! You're actually suuper talented and worth everything", It comes off as a bit patronizing. You seem like the kind of pro-life person who says that everyone has a "talent" and "value", but that just isn't the case.
back to OP ...

You shouldn't listen to these people who just invalidate and gaslight whatever suffering & pain you're going through. If they're insisting to take risks and suffer instead of them then they're just taking advantage of you. What do you owe these people? Are you their slave?

I understand how much it hurts to realize you'll never "Earn" that validation, the acceptance. Those people will never be appeased with you, they're looking for excuses to let off steam and make you feel awful.

They'll never stop beating you over the head with shame to make you think or do what they want. Realizing the nature of those kinds of people and knowing you should stop worrying about them and their unobtainable appreciation is the first step towards really moving forwards.

I'd suggest talking to people outside of that group. Try to produce something, but don't show those people, anyone else. People you know, even the public. You'll be surprised and could see the true value you have.

We could talk more in-depth in DMs if you'd like.

I'm not a redditor, just trying to tell, becuase I also feel the exact same way. And I'm not trying to invalidate his or her pain. Explain me how anyone could be objectively worthless. When you fail society's expectations of what useful person should be? It's stupid, we have small to none free will, no power to decide how we are born, wheter we do stupid or smart choices also depends on information we are given and our intelligence. Nobody deserves to be call worthless, but that's just my opinion.

 

[L'absent]

Possono andare a farsi fottere. La sofferenza non ti rende più forte, ti stressa e potrebbe anche lasciarti traumatizzato. Inoltre, non dovresti affidarti agli altri per convalidare la tua sofferenza. Per alcune persone, potresti aver sofferto molto e per altre, potresti non aver sofferto affatto. Alla fine della giornata, sei l'unico che può stabilire se ti senti o meno come se stessi soffrendo. Sembra che stiano solo proiettando le loro insicurezze su di te.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sorry but I feel like they are more at fault than you. What kind of person deliberately makes another feel worthless? That's a terrible thing to do. Plus, it implies that all we are set on this earth to do is to fulfill the needs of others. Ok, it's great if we can help others but again- should that be expected of us? Is that in fact why people have children to begin with? So they'll grow up to be useful? Again- what kind of motive is that? It's effectively slavery!

Are you able to move away at some point do you think? It sounds as if your environment is a major factor in how you feel.

 

[athiestjoe]

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle and pain. I hope you find everything you are looking for and find serenity & peace with whatever you decide.

 

[Nothing87]

I feel like you're just some redditor from r/Atheism .

Also, I find saying "I'm worthless" and having a stranger say "Nuh-uh! You're actually suuper talented and worth everything", It comes off as a bit patronizing. You seem like the kind of pro-life person who says that everyone has a "talent" and "value", but that just isn't the case.
back to OP ...

You shouldn't listen to these people who just invalidate and gaslight whatever suffering & pain you're going through. If they're insisting to take risks and suffer instead of them then they're just taking advantage of you. What do you owe these people? Are you their slave?

I understand how much it hurts to realize you'll never "Earn" that validation, the acceptance. Those people will never be appeased with you, they're looking for excuses to let off steam and make you feel awful.

They'll never stop beating you over the head with shame to make you think or do what they want. Realizing the nature of those kinds of people and knowing you should stop worrying about them and their unobtainable appreciation is the first step towards really moving forwards.

I'd suggest talking to people outside of that group. Try to produce something, but don't show those people, anyone else. People you know, even the public. You'll be surprised and could see the true value you have.

We could talk more in-depth in DMs if you'd like.

I have read all of this, thank you for the kinds words and understanding.

They'll never stop beating you over the head with shame to make you think or do what they want. Realizing the nature of those kinds of people and knowing you should stop worrying about them and their unobtainable appreciation is the first step towards really moving forwards.

I do agree with you, and I realize the only way to move forward is to get out in this environment. Really hope I can move on and start my own journey in life but It was hard. Ever since I am a child I felt a lot of shame and self-hatred due to the people in my surroundings and I also blame myself because of that, sometimes I wish I grew up in a good environment as well as in a healthy family. I also hope to move on with my past trauma and my past mistakes.

We could talk more in-depth in DMs if you'd like.

Thanks a lot, If I have a free time I would like to talk with you

Like noticing your thought patterns everytime you think about being worthless and logically debunking it, it takes many times but it will eventually become a subconscious process. At least this helped me a lot in past.

Really wish It was that easy to battle my mind... But I will try my best thanks a lot!

Are you able to move away at some point do you think? It sounds as if your environment is a major factor in how you feel.

I'm broke so it was hard to move out in this environment, plus I still live with my mother and It was toxic as hell but I have no choice. I will work hard and save a lot of money so I can get out here even though It will take years.


+ I am also the one who will have a full responsibility to my mother because she is getting old, and of course I am scared she will sue me if I got away and if I put her in an elderly care. My mother doesn't really want to leave me alone and she want to have a full control to me and it was suffocating... And If ever I become financial stable I still need to give my money to my mother and support her daily expenses and I also need to support my father and I need take responsibility to his belongings.

It was so hard to live in this judgemental environment and toxic family. Fuck everything in my life I am fucking tired.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

There is definitely a lot you can do to rewrite those nasty beliefs. Like noticing your thought patterns everytime you think about being worthless and logically debunking it, it takes many times but it will eventually become a subconscious process. At least this helped me a lot in past.

This is something that helps which of course they don't teach . helps to rewrite false beliefs or actions that you want to stop.

There is definitely a lot you can do to rewrite those nasty beliefs. Like noticing your thought patterns everytime you think about a belief or do an action and logically debunking it, it takes many times but it will eventually become a subconscious process. At least this helped me a lot in past.

there are more things one can do to rewwrite false beliefs bad habits etc. to deprogram and reprogram the brain and mind. imo most are false beliefs and bad habits like watching a youtube rabbit hole what problem of mine would that solve especially videos that don't have anything to do with my goals or problems ?

 

[Archness]

+ I am also the one who will have a full responsibility to my mother because she is getting old, and of course I am scared she will sue me if I got away and if I put her in an elderly care. My mother doesn't really want to leave me alone and she want to have a full control to me and it was suffocating... And If ever I become financial stable I still need to give my money to my mother and support her daily expenses and I also need to support my father and I need take responsibility to his belongings.

Really hope this isn't the entire relationship you have with them.
How much control does she have? Does she control all your finances? Because they can just not let you save up enough or become financially stable enough to actually move out. They'll "suddenly" have expenses you'll "need" to bail them out off.

I'm kinda worried and assuming the worst. Just keep in mind there's often no "Fair Play" in these situations.

You should also realize your own worth and why you're really in this position. Who's taking so much of your money, demanding you spend so much time and effort you could've spent on a job & building your own life? Don't blame yourself so much, this world isn't fare, just surviving can become hard for everyone. Just know that when times are hard, even bare minimum can be an accomplishment.

I will work hard and save a lot of money so I can get out here even though It will take years.

That's a good spirit, but you should know the difference between hard-work and slavery. You can't become anything more then a slave just by slaving as hard as you can. Hard work isn't necessarily making money to save up now, but perhaps you should already think about "Investments", like learning a skill, or finding more efficient ways to care for your parents. If you need to "save up", you need to first have either security so nothing will pop up to eat all your savings, or plenty to put away in savings in the first place, preferably both. Saving up when you have neither is just gonna fail, esp when you need to do it over years-and-years.

That's just my advice.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I think that if you truly felt that you're worthless, it would be easy to accept. It wouldn't sting, it would just be information that you already have. This is assholes mirroring back something that you don't think of yourself to you, which I'd argue is hella abusive.

 

[Nothing87]

Really hope this isn't the entire relationship you have with them.
How much control does she have? Does she control all your finances? Because they can just not let you save up enough or become financially stable enough to actually move out. They'll "suddenly" have expenses you'll "need" to bail them out off.

Well, even though my relationship with my family is toxic there are times where it is going great or better. I am still broke so my mother hasn't still asking me for money, I am just scared and worried because If she notices that I am getting stable financially she will trap me to stay with her and then I won't be able to save money by myself because she will keep asking me for money. I'll try to talk to her about it and hoping she will understands and this won't end up in a fight or misunderstanding...


Also I appreaciate your advices thanks a lot and pardon for a late reply


I am still thinking if I should keep living and saves up some money and fix my life or should I just commit suicide next year. I don't really know what to do in my life anymore I'm confused, I am also suffering with my trauma and personal problems in my life...