Venting why im suicidal

[AdamOndiAhman]

im suicidal cause one side of my body is more defined than the other due to excessive masturbation in my teens. literally the left side of my body is more defined than the right side, from the skull to the hip.
and its just hell to deal with or to be continually reminded that ive turned myself into a freak of mortal nature. ive only recently fully recognised this fact and tried taking steps to equalise the muscle imbalance, for example ive recently concentrated on doing free weight exercises with my right arm and doing exercises that work the right side of my back and right arm muscles but i feel like its just too late and im beyond repair. ive also thought about buying a jaw defining sponge or whatever theyre called that u can buy on amazon and using that for my right jaw cause thats severely undeveloped aswell when compared to my left jaw.
i also thought about replacing this addiction for the sexual orgasm with a nicotine/tobacco addiction.
i am taking steps towards recovery but i fear its just too late and im stuck a freak until i die.
thats it. whats above is my darkest secret that i havent told a single soul. until now.

 

[Fractal]

I can relate. If it makes you feel any better i fucked up way more. I've had an addiction to food and sugar as a type 1 diabetic since i was a child. I'm literally dying due to my addiction and even with changing things the damage is so great that i probably will have limb amputations by the time I'm 40. My addictions were severely enabled and ignored as a kid, but it's my fault/responsibility at the end of the day. I could've been a completely different person if I hadn't destroyed myself since I was four years old.