So here's my story. If you care to read. It does mention sa incase this may be triggering to someone.
So when I was 8 I told my mam that when I was 18 - I was going to throw myself off a bridge to die. I have no idea why I said this - I can't remember much about my childhood. But I got into trouble in school due to this. They told me it was upsetting for my family and I shouldn't say this.
Aged 15, I began sh. A lot. I don't want to say 'bad' as any sh is bad but I did it extensively. I ended up being kicked out of my home aged 16 and almost moved in with a teacher as she was lovely to me. Gave me a key to her office if I was struggling and was lovely. But I moved in with a friend.
I was on and off living situations. Aged 18, I wasn't doing great but still in school. I chose through clearing to go to uni. Literally I decided and 2 weeks later I was there.
Still sh. I was uni and made what I thought were good friends. I did attempt suicide one night re wrists and they contacted my family to get me sectioned but my family took me home instead. It wasn't ever mentioned even though I had bandages on wrists etc.
One night back at uni, I was out and basically (I can't go into detail because it hurts) I walked home alone and things happened with someone who followed me home and yea. That happened.
Fast forward to September (that was June) I reported it - they told my housemates and in my room I heard them talking and calling me a slag and said I'd ruin a man's life. When really? He has ruined mine.
I ended up having to leave this place as they said I had been sh (my key for my bedroom went 'missing' and they said I had been sh. I hadn't been. I'd been 3 months clean' )
I came home. Things weren't great.
So after that things went sh, od, etc etc.
And that's how things have been. I've been sectioned countless times. I managed to run away from mh hospital and took a major od, ended up regular hosp for 3 days, sent back to mh hospital and the same day they discharged me. So they like ok. Just die.
This last year I've just felt so defeated. I've tried so much. I got arrested a few weeks ago as I found out if you send a message to police saying you are safe and well and if family contact they can say they have been In touch and o am ok (even tho id really by dead). Well the police didn't believe that I was meaning this and that I was 'manipulating the system and giving false information' so I was arrested.
And now here we are. My mh team told me a few weeks back if I continue to try to cs they can't help and I will be discharged. Which just really / made me like give up. Why ask for help and try to get help when they say that they can't because of what I say.
This is just how things are. And yesterday I've found the actual site for DMC. I feel so good for it. It's been a long long tiring journey. But it is my time.
Anyway. Thankyou if you have read this.
So when I was 8 I told my mam that when I was 18 - I was going to throw myself off a bridge to die. I have no idea why I said this - I can't remember much about my childhood. But I got into trouble in school due to this. They told me it was upsetting for my family and I shouldn't say this.
Aged 15, I began sh. A lot. I don't want to say 'bad' as any sh is bad but I did it extensively. I ended up being kicked out of my home aged 16 and almost moved in with a teacher as she was lovely to me. Gave me a key to her office if I was struggling and was lovely. But I moved in with a friend.
I was on and off living situations. Aged 18, I wasn't doing great but still in school. I chose through clearing to go to uni. Literally I decided and 2 weeks later I was there.
Still sh. I was uni and made what I thought were good friends. I did attempt suicide one night re wrists and they contacted my family to get me sectioned but my family took me home instead. It wasn't ever mentioned even though I had bandages on wrists etc.
One night back at uni, I was out and basically (I can't go into detail because it hurts) I walked home alone and things happened with someone who followed me home and yea. That happened.
Fast forward to September (that was June) I reported it - they told my housemates and in my room I heard them talking and calling me a slag and said I'd ruin a man's life. When really? He has ruined mine.
I ended up having to leave this place as they said I had been sh (my key for my bedroom went 'missing' and they said I had been sh. I hadn't been. I'd been 3 months clean' )
I came home. Things weren't great.
So after that things went sh, od, etc etc.
And that's how things have been. I've been sectioned countless times. I managed to run away from mh hospital and took a major od, ended up regular hosp for 3 days, sent back to mh hospital and the same day they discharged me. So they like ok. Just die.
This last year I've just felt so defeated. I've tried so much. I got arrested a few weeks ago as I found out if you send a message to police saying you are safe and well and if family contact they can say they have been In touch and o am ok (even tho id really by dead). Well the police didn't believe that I was meaning this and that I was 'manipulating the system and giving false information' so I was arrested.
And now here we are. My mh team told me a few weeks back if I continue to try to cs they can't help and I will be discharged. Which just really / made me like give up. Why ask for help and try to get help when they say that they can't because of what I say.
This is just how things are. And yesterday I've found the actual site for DMC. I feel so good for it. It's been a long long tiring journey. But it is my time.
Anyway. Thankyou if you have read this.
