TraumaEscapee:)
I hate my birth family
- Apr 30, 2023
- 177
There seems to be a variety of different methods in relation to this, texts, voice mails, scheduled emails, scheduled suicide posts, notes the list is endless.
However, if you were to leave a note I do have an idea.
So the reason why I don't recommend scheduling notes on emails for example is because anything could happen. You could create a note, schedule for it to be sent on a particular day. You could worst case scenario (and this can happen don't assume that it's unlikely) you could get locked out of your email account, you may not have set recovery options to be able to log back in. Worst case scenario and this happened to me a few days ago. My email account was actually deleted by my email provider with no warning it just happened immediately.
My point is if you change your mind, and you can't access your email account for whatever reason, that prescheduled email will still be sent to everyone and there's nothing you can do to stop that.
It's a huge risk to take, you may change your mind, you may also forget you've sent the scheduled email, you may accidentally schedule the email for the wrong date and time, meaning people find out about your plans before you CTB (if you accidentally set it to the date before you CTB by mistake).
I wouldn't risk it.
Leaving notes...... I'm not completely against this. I would however say if you are going to do this, don't leave them out in the open to be found when you've CTB or attempted to. Hide them somewhere they will eventually be found. Perhaps in-between folded clothes in your closet. Not in a bag or coat because these are usually the first things that will be looked at.
I personally won't be leaving a note. As I have said before, if my birth family with a long history of abuse and cruelty that they got away with wanted to know how I died, then it's much more simple than reading a note. They just need to stand Infront of a mirror and there's the clearest answer. They are just very manipulative nasty people who are very good at putting on an act infront of others and pretending to be someone they aren't. Isn't that classic of all abusers though?
Then there's two men, one in particular beginning with J. These people, mainly the one beginning with J have left me without answers since early September. I have bpd and other ailments which make me not knowing whether I am going to be abandoned or whats happening with my life, very agonising. Since September I have spent almost 6 weeks in a deep state of anxiety, distress and stress mainly caused by J the man who once worked with me and who I cared about so deeply. He was a surrogate father figure to me, but I met him when I fled DV was homeless and he housed me until early this year. The amount of stress this guy has put me through as someone with Asperger's and bpd by leaving me in limbo, do you honestly think I'm going to leave him a note? Hell to the no! He, plays games with me and that's it. He told me what to do in June for him to support and help me again and he lied. I believed his lies and his false promises. Do you know what it's like to go every single day not knowing whether someone is going to leave you or stay in your life (bpd fear) and being left in limbo (Asperger's anxiety). Honestly these people don't care and they aren't getting any notes from me. I hate my birth family, and I am upset with this guy. The other one beginning with P, well nothing really he hasn't actually done anything. I don't think either of them care about me though. Although, am I going to leave a note telling them all this (you were what tipped me over the edge weeks before I died, in fact you were the reason I chose to take my life but my birth family were 90% of the reason through my trauma) definitely not. These people and people like them don't need to know you killed yourself because of them.. as much as I don't like J for leaving me in limbo (he was very good to me before June where my actions caused all of this mess) as much as I am very upset with J, I love him, I would never ever want him to know any of this. I love P too. People are so ignorant though, as soon as you say you love two men, they ask whether it's romantic. I'm like dude that's so creepy what are you even on about. Can I not love people in a non romantic way? They mean a lot to me even though I mean nothing to them. In relation to the birth family oooof! I hate them from the the hair on the top of their heads to the the soles of their feet. The reason I'm upset with J is because he makes me feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not working hard enough, he's accepted someone who lives with me to go live in his house. Imagine what that does to someone.....to so deeply want to return "home" and not be allowed to whilst someone living with them is getting the chance to. Not only am I filled with envy of this person who is now going to live my dream but I'm very hurt. I also feel guilty because the person in question is so sweet and I'm so happy for them but I'm so sad for me because I want to go home too. I just want to go back to what once was my own safe family from last year to early this year. It'll never happen J will never allow it. I just wanna go back home and I want to make amends with everyone there, I want to make J proud of me but that's never going to happen. I'm sick of being sad I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. Things don't have to be this way. If my birth family ever want to know how I ended it all (they're not my next if kin so they won't actually find out lol) I hate them so much I actually don't want them to know I am dead which is why they're not my legal next of kin. Anyway if they ever wanted to know why I died, as I have already said, there are plenty of mirrors in home ware stores that they haven't managed to crack yet, that they can stand Infront of and the answer will be reflecting back at them. As for the family I had from last year untill I fucked up everything in June this year, I'll take the pain that I felt from September to now, Living in limbo, knowing I was lied to and promises had been broken, I'll take that pain and anguish to the grave but I'll always love them. I'm very forgiving but I think it will take me a long time to forgive J in the afterlife. I thought he would be proud of me when I got better but it was never good enough. But no I won't be leaving any notes, it'll just look like I passed in my sleep.
However, if you were to leave a note I do have an idea.
So the reason why I don't recommend scheduling notes on emails for example is because anything could happen. You could create a note, schedule for it to be sent on a particular day. You could worst case scenario (and this can happen don't assume that it's unlikely) you could get locked out of your email account, you may not have set recovery options to be able to log back in. Worst case scenario and this happened to me a few days ago. My email account was actually deleted by my email provider with no warning it just happened immediately.
My point is if you change your mind, and you can't access your email account for whatever reason, that prescheduled email will still be sent to everyone and there's nothing you can do to stop that.
It's a huge risk to take, you may change your mind, you may also forget you've sent the scheduled email, you may accidentally schedule the email for the wrong date and time, meaning people find out about your plans before you CTB (if you accidentally set it to the date before you CTB by mistake).
I wouldn't risk it.
Leaving notes...... I'm not completely against this. I would however say if you are going to do this, don't leave them out in the open to be found when you've CTB or attempted to. Hide them somewhere they will eventually be found. Perhaps in-between folded clothes in your closet. Not in a bag or coat because these are usually the first things that will be looked at.
I personally won't be leaving a note. As I have said before, if my birth family with a long history of abuse and cruelty that they got away with wanted to know how I died, then it's much more simple than reading a note. They just need to stand Infront of a mirror and there's the clearest answer. They are just very manipulative nasty people who are very good at putting on an act infront of others and pretending to be someone they aren't. Isn't that classic of all abusers though?
Then there's two men, one in particular beginning with J. These people, mainly the one beginning with J have left me without answers since early September. I have bpd and other ailments which make me not knowing whether I am going to be abandoned or whats happening with my life, very agonising. Since September I have spent almost 6 weeks in a deep state of anxiety, distress and stress mainly caused by J the man who once worked with me and who I cared about so deeply. He was a surrogate father figure to me, but I met him when I fled DV was homeless and he housed me until early this year. The amount of stress this guy has put me through as someone with Asperger's and bpd by leaving me in limbo, do you honestly think I'm going to leave him a note? Hell to the no! He, plays games with me and that's it. He told me what to do in June for him to support and help me again and he lied. I believed his lies and his false promises. Do you know what it's like to go every single day not knowing whether someone is going to leave you or stay in your life (bpd fear) and being left in limbo (Asperger's anxiety). Honestly these people don't care and they aren't getting any notes from me. I hate my birth family, and I am upset with this guy. The other one beginning with P, well nothing really he hasn't actually done anything. I don't think either of them care about me though. Although, am I going to leave a note telling them all this (you were what tipped me over the edge weeks before I died, in fact you were the reason I chose to take my life but my birth family were 90% of the reason through my trauma) definitely not. These people and people like them don't need to know you killed yourself because of them.. as much as I don't like J for leaving me in limbo (he was very good to me before June where my actions caused all of this mess) as much as I am very upset with J, I love him, I would never ever want him to know any of this. I love P too. People are so ignorant though, as soon as you say you love two men, they ask whether it's romantic. I'm like dude that's so creepy what are you even on about. Can I not love people in a non romantic way? They mean a lot to me even though I mean nothing to them. In relation to the birth family oooof! I hate them from the the hair on the top of their heads to the the soles of their feet. The reason I'm upset with J is because he makes me feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not working hard enough, he's accepted someone who lives with me to go live in his house. Imagine what that does to someone.....to so deeply want to return "home" and not be allowed to whilst someone living with them is getting the chance to. Not only am I filled with envy of this person who is now going to live my dream but I'm very hurt. I also feel guilty because the person in question is so sweet and I'm so happy for them but I'm so sad for me because I want to go home too. I just want to go back to what once was my own safe family from last year to early this year. It'll never happen J will never allow it. I just wanna go back home and I want to make amends with everyone there, I want to make J proud of me but that's never going to happen. I'm sick of being sad I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. Things don't have to be this way. If my birth family ever want to know how I ended it all (they're not my next if kin so they won't actually find out lol) I hate them so much I actually don't want them to know I am dead which is why they're not my legal next of kin. Anyway if they ever wanted to know why I died, as I have already said, there are plenty of mirrors in home ware stores that they haven't managed to crack yet, that they can stand Infront of and the answer will be reflecting back at them. As for the family I had from last year untill I fucked up everything in June this year, I'll take the pain that I felt from September to now, Living in limbo, knowing I was lied to and promises had been broken, I'll take that pain and anguish to the grave but I'll always love them. I'm very forgiving but I think it will take me a long time to forgive J in the afterlife. I thought he would be proud of me when I got better but it was never good enough. But no I won't be leaving any notes, it'll just look like I passed in my sleep.
. In the last months I lost my mails acces and my sibling searched for something in my room. I had tried to write a note before before I couldn't write a single word.
