Discussion Why have you chosen to ctb

[Billy The Human]

My reason is due to my personality and how I view life, I believe that we are built with two purposes in life, survive and then to die, if you ain't dying your just surviving and I'm just tired of surviving.
We are thrusted in this cosmos with no say so and as a result find comfort in that fact the I can at least choose to exit.

 

[Virgo]

To sum it up for me: I don't understand why people want to live and I would prefer oblivion.

 

[wanttodie]

sick of life and living so want to end it

 

[Imnobody]

I am not able to change myself and im tried.

 

[OkTotti]

my career is over at 46... only downhill from here... very few friends... no enjoyment out of life... i wake and do nothing all day...if death by boredom was an actual thing, i'd be dead by now

 

[TAW122]

I have chosen to ctb due to my life circumstances as well as my philosophy on life. My life generally sucks as in that I have failed social relationships, failed social life (owing it to Aspergers and social anxiety), financial problems (still have mountains of debt from earning two degrees at uni, which I don't realistically see myself paying it off) due to lack of being able to find and keep a job, and of course, other problems in life.

Philosophically, I'm still bothered that in 2018 (soon to be year 2019), that euthanasia and the right to die still isn't legalized in the US or most of the world, barring a few countries (Netherlands, Switzerland, and Belgium to name a few). Also, the way we treat the mentally ill and suicidal people is just abysmal. Finally, since I never consented to exist (I am the result of my parents getting married and deciding to have a child) so I shouldn't be compelled to stay. It isn't selfish for me to leave and I don't owe anyone anything.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

1. I was molested by my stepfather and belt whipped by him from age 4-7. I was belt whipped by mother from age 4-17. And she would yell at me, threaten me, cuss at me, and pop me in the face.
2. The above abuse gave me childhood PTSD and general anxiety.
3. Mother would also force me and my sisters to go with her to her friends' house where the adults would play card games and slap dominos on the table and they were LOUD because they were drunk. I developed social anxiety because I had no where safe and quiet to hide at these parties with loud, drunk people being the source of my angst. Mother would also host parties at our house. Again there would be alcohol involved. Always surrounded by loud drunk adults.
4. From the abuse I've got: childhood PTSD, social anxiety, binge eating disorder, poor impulse control.
They have manifested in so many ways in so many decisions.

 

[BACONF]

I feel empty and barely of any feel that its not anxiety

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

I just want to end my suffering and be able to go out on my own terms. Im a genetic failure, a defect or an error. No matter how hard I try, I'll always fail and I will still be expected to get back up for some twisted sick fucking people can watch me suffer so they can feel good about themselves. I am so tired of this suffering and I just want it to end.

 

[loz]

I've made my decision because I see it as a true treatment for my predicament. My depression is so treatment resistand, and my continued medical problems' true nature remains a mystery. Even if there is a miracle pill out there, ctb seems the most logical and reliable solution to my pain, sadness, and addiction.

Edit: I also have come to the conclusion that the only contribution I can give to this word is inherently negative. If I can't have a positive impact, there's no viable reason to continue attempting success.

 

[Thoughtforms]

I don't have a tragedy of such. On the outside my life looks great - I'm still young, popular, good job, live in a big city, travel a lot, I'm pretty smart. No one feels any sympathy for me.

But I feel heartbroken and alone all the time. I get rejected a lot. I think there's something wrong with me that puts everyone off me and I don't know what it is. I feel heavily flawed, unlikable, unlovable. I have no one I'm close to. I feel my life passing by. I don't want to spend the next 50 years of my life alone and sad. All I really want is someone who loves me. I know that sounds so silly but I do.

 

[Empty Smile]

Because all the cabs were taken....

Oh you mean why why....

Depression and anxiety has taken over my life and I'm tired of fighting a losing battle.

 

[Retched]

I mess up everything. Completely. I'm done with it. I even messed up a suicide attempt. I'm a shell of what I used to be and I'm done.

 

[Dead Meat]

Cause I'm a POS physically and mentally.

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

Because I am disgusted with myself.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

My work is done. Why wait?

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Im sick of the trying again. Ive moved cities 5 times, changed jobs countless times, new relationships that fail, picked myself up financially. I bought in to that 'suffering is tempory' bullshit. Yes things got 100% better 3 years ago. Stable relationship due to marry and adopt, good friend circle, step daughter, 2 stable jobs thought i was on my way. They May may partner died, ive niw lost everything again, no money to start again. So yeah im out this time, i have no desire to start again for it all to fall apart, days, months, years later. Im tired, life has shown me it isnt for me and im now ok with that

 

[Paulsmith]

Depression. Lack of will to live. Why wait to die when you can do it yourself

 

[justwaiting]

Cause I'm a POS physically and mentally.

Same. I was better off never existing.

Hell, ctb will be the most selfish thing I will ever do. It will only solidify the unworthy POS I am.

 

[Trashcan]

Many reasons. I don't know if I can really sum it up. But mental health issues, simply being tired of life, not having a future, and wanting to avoid aging or some of the main reasosn.

 

[[NoName]]

I don't want to as much as I did before, but now that I've crossed the mental hurdle of wanting to commit suicide there isn't any going back. I just figured while I'm here I might as well learn the process of suicide (methods, getting my affairs in order before I head out, etc.).

The reason I wanted/want to is because of mistakes I have made.

 

[Letting Go]

Because things are never going to get better at this point. I'm sick of waiting. Sick of hoping. Sick of being disappointed by life and other people all the time.