Why don’t people try to understand?

[3cookies]

My life is misery. My illnesses make me suffer 24/7 in unimaginable pain. But my husband keeps saying things to me like "you have to try to find the positives" "think of the future" "be more positive". My family knows I have no quality of life whatsoever. But his selfish ass only thinks of how my death would affect him. And he is constantly guilting me for not wanting to live any longer. I have no positives but my kids. Hell my almost 12 year old daughter told me she would understand if I left this world. But from him I get nothing but cheap hand me down Facebook motivational word vomit. I'm disgusted that he can watch me seize and wither in pain and have my body break down but tell me to be positive! No the illnesses won't kill me but they will only get worse! Ugh I know we all face this in some way shape or form. Just makes me angry

 

[SeekingSolace]

I'm sorry, there is nothing more frustrating than being told to stay positive when you are in unrelenting, excruciating pain. I sympathize with you, and I understand why you feel the anger with him that you do. We are here to listen. I know venting doesn't help a ton, but it's something.

 

[Jon86]

My brother is like that. He's bullheaded, unable to admit defeat or acknowledge his own shortcomings and won't accept my own (illness as well). He just says, 'yeah but it won't kill you' and shrugs it off like i'm exaggerating my issues. He is the healthiest in the family and 7 years older than me, the guy doesn't eat properly at all (he does exercise hard at work) and has no idea what it's like to struggle for decades with an illness that devastates ones quality of life.

 

[Kyrok]

@3cookies , what is your medical condition? What do you take for the pain?

I have scoliosis and a number of other issue. As a result, I depend on pain meds and even then, can only work from about 9am-2pm most days. I'm in bed from late afternoon onwards.

 

[Jblack]

Those who don't have an illness that they are suffering through, tend to ignore and brush off those of us who suffer daily and alone. I worked with someone who was a volunteer for a suicide hot line, he would regale us daily with the good work he was doing. Trying to get him to understand that it was not that simple for those of us struggling was impossible. I have had depression most of my life, it always feels so lonely to me. There are the days when I cannot even hardly get out of bed. The meds just seem to make me feel numb not better. On top of this I was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. People telling me that I have a good chance of recovery really don't provide me with any comfort. My wife looks down on people who commit suicide, she sees them and selfish and uncaring toward their loved ones.

3cookies, although I am not in your shoes, I can understand the pain and frustration that you experience everyday. And it is not really true that mental illness won't kill you. Your mental state has a direct impact on your physical health. What a shame that people won't listen to what you have to say about your suffering.

 

[NoChoice]

It's useless; even if you try you may never understand someone. Only telepathy could save humans at this point, and physically tangible empathy. I feel like you have to believe everyone else is fake or a figment of your imagination to be as selfish, greedy and generally evil as so many people are.

 

[Kyrok]

I know from experience: people around you will tune you out. They don't want to be bothered with your pain. They've written you off and are just on automatic.

 

[3cookies]

@3cookies , what is your medical condition? What do you take for the pain?

I have scoliosis and a number of other issue. As a result, I depend on pain meds and even then, can only work from about 9am-2pm most days. I'm in bed from late afternoon onwards.

@3cookies , what is your medical condition? What do you take for the pain?

I have scoliosis and a number of other issue. As a result, I depend on pain meds and even then, can only work from about 9am-2pm most days. I'm in bed from late afternoon onwards.

I have CRPS, seizures, Dystonia & Crohns on top of my mental illnesses as well. I take 60mg of long acting morphine a day but it's a joke and barley touches my pain. CRPS is the most painful disease in the world and I was "lucky" enough to have an exceptionally bad case that's full body. I also have wounds (not self harm or bed sores) the world on my upper inner right arm is almost down to the bone but no doctor wants to deal with a case as complex as mine. I cannot work, or even get out of bed most days.

 

[3cookies]

I know from experience: people around you will tune you out. They don't want to be bothered with your pain. They've written you off and are just on automatic.

Not all but yes 99.9 do

 

[3cookies]

I'm sorry, there is nothing more frustrating than being told to stay positive when you are in unrelenting, excruciating pain. I sympathize with you, and I understand why you feel the anger with him that you do. We are here to listen. I know venting doesn't help a ton, but it's something.

I'm so relieved I found this site. Just reading the posts and the few I have made give me comfort

 

[Final Escape]

This might be why I don't have a family lol! These type of people are very common. I probably would have ended up marrying one and then having kids like this lol! Jus kidding! I regret not marrying and having kids.

 

[Jenna]

I think in my case a lot will be upset but some will understand. I struggle with the stigma around this. It's not a casual decision and I often wonder if someone were to switch places how long they could take it. It seems like physical illness is acceptable but nothing above the shoulders is. I was harmed by psychiatry and it's very hard hanging in there.

 

[Sickman75]

Some live in a black and white world. There is no gray. They can't comprehend that this is a possibility.

 

[bigj75]

Because the natural instinct of humans is to not do what's hard. They do what's easy. Its way easier for them to ignore your problem and disregard understanding your point of view because it takes effort and might prove to them that they are wrong. Pride (ego) is a motherfucker.

 

[TheCrow]

I have CRPS, seizures, Dystonia & Crohns on top of my mental illnesses as well. I take 60mg of long acting morphine a day but it's a joke and barley touches my pain. CRPS is the most painful disease in the world and I was "lucky" enough to have an exceptionally bad case that's full body. I also have wounds (not self harm or bed sores) the world on my upper inner right arm is almost down to the bone but no doctor wants to deal with a case as complex as mine. I cannot work, or even get out of bed most days.

Omg, you poor thing! I have CRPS, too, so I empathize deeply. Do you have contractures in any of your limbs? I'm so sorry for the way your husband is treating you. You lose your independence when you get this sick, and then are forced to deal with the emotional ups and downs of your caregiver on top of it.

If he's going to tune you out, I say tune him out. Let his guilt trips be white noise in the background. Focus on your pain management and just trying to feel as physically comfortable as possible. Have you tried smoking weed? It helps both CRPS and Crohn's.

 

[NoChoice]

Omg, you poor thing! I have CRPS, too, so I empathize deeply. Do you have contractures in any of your limbs? I'm so sorry for the way your husband is treating you. You lose your independence when you get this sick, and then are forced to deal with the emotional ups and downs of your caregiver on top of it.

If he's going to tune you out, I say tune him out. Let his guilt trips be white noise in the background. Focus on your pain management and just trying to feel as physically comfortable as possible. Have you tried smoking weed? It helps both CRPS and Crohn's.

My brother has Crohn's as well, sorry. He found out certain types of alcohol and seeds made it way worse, idk if that's obvious. Weed seems to help him a lot. Hope you all find a way through it.

 

[3cookies]

I think in my case a lot will be upset but some will understand. I struggle with the stigma around this. It's not a casual decision and I often wonder if someone were to switch places how long they could take it. It seems like physical illness is acceptable but nothing above the shoulders is. I was harmed by psychiatry and it's very hard hanging in there.

I don't think it should be limited to physical illness. Mental is just as detrimental. And even physical you get the dumb comments "you HAVE to fight!" Ugh people

 

[DoneBlonde]

I get it. My partner says I am selfish for wanting to die, from past attempts. He just doesn't get it. However my grandad on the other hand has said that he understands why I would want to end it and he wouldn't blame himself, which is actually great to hear. I think because saw my nan suffer for years from mental health too like me , he gets it a bit more. I wish my partner and others could get it you know ? I have lived most my life with mental health , never getting better only worse. I just wish they could see that I've tried but there's a point where you or maybe it's just me; is this all it's going to be ? Everytime I think I reach bottom the bottom only gets deeper. He's seen me struggle now for 5 years (that's how long we've been together). I just wish he and others could get it.

 

[odette]

Show him this.