Why doesn't medication work?

[canyounotbesad]

This may be the wrong forum, but I want to say this.

Last month I got put on 150mg of Wellbutrin cause, frankly, I didn't feel like lying to my doctor about my thoughts and feelings. At first it worked great! I was happy and I had energy. I didn't sleep as much as normal, but it didn't feel like it was affecting much. Then it all went back to normal. I had a bad stint and I'm still in the bad stint. For fucks sake I was thinking about if I gunned it after X point and aimed for this tree or that pole, I'd probably die on impact today while driving home. I did get bumped up to the 'therapeutic' dose of 300mg, but will it even make a difference? Am I just fucked up to my core? I know the fact that I drink almost every night negates the medicine but idk I don't care. Maybe I don't care to actually get better. Maybe I want a reason to CTB and if I continue being shit, I will have a good one.

I'm going on a tangent but fuck it. I had a 'friend' tell me that if I continue having issues, they'll stop talking to me, another that said they miss the old me (when I hid how I felt0, and another just straight up ignore me when I say I need support. I know it's my own fault and I have no one to blame but myself but idk it still hurts. It makes me feel like I will be doing everyone a service by CTB but the fact that I pussy out shows how selfish and terrible I am. I don't see the point in making deep connections with anyone anymore and someone told me I choose this, it's not something I HAVE to do. But is not having anyone not force you to rely on no one and isolate? I guess it doesn't matter at this point. I will continue chugging along hoping I'd get the balls to actually finish what I start.

 

[VeryShy]

Antidepressant and antipsychotic medication unfortunately works for only 1/3 of the people. For the rest it either doesn't work or it's hard to tolerate the side-effects.

 

[canyounotbesad]

Antidepressant and antipsychotic medication unfortunately works for only 1/3 of the people. For the rest it either doesn't work or it's hard to tolerate the side-effects.

I hope the higher dose works for me. I'd such a weird feeling to feel like I'm being gasllit by my own self.

 

[vitbar]

It took me a few tries to find some that work for me, and at what doses. I read your genetics can indicate what is more likely to work in a broad sense, but it's going to be trial and error either way. You'll likely still have bad times too, but less often, and less intense.

 

[canyounotbesad]

It took me a few tries to find some that work for me, and at what doses. I read your genetics can indicate what is more likely to work in a broad sense, but it's going to be trial and error either way. You'll likely still have bad times too, but less often, and less intense.

This is probably my 4th(?) attempt the first 3 were SSRIs but they disrupted my sleep too much and make me super irritable. Honestly, and I know this is bad, I feel like being buzzed drunk is the only relief I get now from how I feel and think. I'm so mad at everything and I don't like it but it's like watching a cut scene in a videogame, I have no control

 

[vitbar]

This is probably my 4th(?) attempt the first 3 were SSRIs but they disrupted my sleep too much and make me super irritable. Honestly, and I know this is bad, I feel like being buzzed drunk is the only relief I get now from how I feel and think. I'm so mad at everything and I don't like it but it's like watching a cut scene in a videogame, I have no control

It's a lot of work trying different ones. Would be without the depression let alone with. I hope you find some that work. Worth a try.

I never tried SSRIs. Mirtazapine was my first. I'm on that with Effexor now. The Effexor does fuck with my sleep in a way, it gives me freaky dreams, the mirt knocks me out before bed.

 

[canyounotbesad]

It's a lot of work trying different ones. Would be without the depression let alone with. I hope you find some that work. Worth a try.

I never tried SSRIs. Mirtazapine was my first. I'm on that with Effexor now. The Effexor does fuck with my sleep in a way, it gives me freaky dreams, the mirt knocks me out before bed.

Honestly I have freaky dreams from the jump, like I can remember almost every detail like it happened in real life so If that changed I wouldn't be too upset. I feel like the doc I have now actually cares about how I'm doing so maybe this time will be different. Like when I told her I felt hungier than normal she was concerned

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Alcohol can negate the effects of antidepressants. If you're wanting the medication to work, it may be worth a shot to try to limit your drinking, if possible

It also might be worth trying different antidepressants, as others have suggested. SSRIs (Lexapro, Zoloft, etc) make my symptoms worse, but I have been on an SNRI (Effexor) several years now and it has actually helped a fair bit (still suicidal obviously, but that's more of a personality thing for me than just plain old depression)

They can have more side effects than Wellbutrin though

 

[canyounotbesad]

Alcohol can negate the effects of antidepressants. If you're wanting the medication to work, it may be worth a shot to try to limit your drinking, if possible

It also might be worth trying different antidepressants, as others have suggested. SSRIs (Lexapro, Zoloft, etc) make my symptoms worse, but I have been on an SNRI (Effexor) several years now and it has actually helped a fair bit (still suicidal obviously, but that's more of a personality thing for me than just plain old depression)

They can have more side effects than Wellbutrin though

fuuuuck giving up drinking is a 0/10 for me because it makes me feel the best and I know that's a bad sign. The first week of the medicine I didn't drink almost at all but after that week the desire was stronger and I am weak

 

[Beyond_Repair]

fuuuuck giving up drinking is a 0/10 for me because it makes me feel the best and I know that's a bad sign. The first week of the medicine I didn't drink almost at all but after that week the desire was stronger and I am weak

I totally understand. It's not an easy thing to do by any means

 

[canyounotbesad]

I totally understand. It's not an easy thing to do by any means

I wouldn't even consider myself an alcoholic cause bills are paid money is put into savings etc etc but then again aint that a telling of an alcoholic, to say they aren't one? I just hope the new medicine and school makes it less desirable to drink. like maybe it's out of boredom more than anything. Cause I can't do much. I'm saving for acl surgery and I can't work out as much due to my knee so I only have work right now to keep me busy. Anyway no need to go on about my life story

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I wouldn't even consider myself an alcoholic cause bills are paid money is put into savings etc etc but then again aint that a telling of an alcoholic, to say they aren't one? I just hope the new medicine and school makes it less desirable to drink. like maybe it's out of boredom more than anything. Cause I can't do much. I'm saving for acl surgery and I can't work out as much due to my knee so I only have work right now to keep me busy. Anyway no need to go on about my life story

I drink out of boredom too - I didn't for a while but I did vape, then when I quit vaping I took up drinking again. Just one vice for another lol. As long as it doesn't interfere with your functioning, it's not really alcoholism, at least that's how it's diagnosed. Either way I hope things get better for you regardless :)

 

[RoyBlight]

I go through a very similar predicament. I've been through medication therapy for almost a decade. Tried some meds, didn't work so the dosage increased, still didn't work so the meds changed/different meds added, didn't work so we changed doctors. This cycle has been repeating since forever.
I am very sorry that I'm unable to write a reply that includes a possible solution to your problems, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.