Venting Why doesn't he get it?

[Rachel74]

So my partner as invited a friend over for dinner tonight and can't under why I am upset over it. Firstly house is a shitpit so that means when I leave work today I have to go home and clean. He then moaned when I said we are getting a takeaway as the stress of cooking will be worse. Why can't normal people see the stress this causes. She doesn't like dogs so she can fuck off. I also have a broken toe so I will be hobbling around. I know he thinks I am a miserable cow but even after all these years he should know a situation like this makes me so anxious.

 

[Stan]

Trouble is Rachel, we are in a goldfish bowl working at a different level to them and they just orbit around. I am about to start a bit of a farewell tour, meeting up with some people to say goodbye, even though they don't and won't know the reason for my unexpected invitation. My first one is tomorrow and even though I instigated it, already looking for a reason not to go.

When people continue with their lives as normal around us, it will grate us. Make him clean, they will teach him

 

[Yorkshire91]

So my partner as invited a friend over for dinner tonight and can't under why I am upset over it. Firstly house is a shitpit so that means when I leave work today I have to go home and clean. He then moaned when I said we are getting a takeaway as the stress of cooking will be worse. Why can't normal people see the stress this causes. She doesn't like dogs so she can fuck off. I also have a broken toe so I will be hobbling around. I know he thinks I am a miserable cow but even after all these years he should know a situation like this makes me so anxious.

Sorry to hear you're going through such stress wish I could help you. Unfortunately most partners don't seem to understand. My ex used to tell me "you need to sort yourself out, you need to get better" like it's so simple lol. Can't see why he would moan at a takeaway, surely he must be able to understand it's a long day for you with added on top.

 

[seekingoblivion]

So my partner as invited a friend over for dinner tonight and can't under why I am upset over it. Firstly house is a shitpit so that means when I leave work today I have to go home and clean. He then moaned when I said we are getting a takeaway as the stress of cooking will be worse. Why can't normal people see the stress this causes. She doesn't like dogs so she can fuck off. I also have a broken toe so I will be hobbling around. I know he thinks I am a miserable cow but even after all these years he should know a situation like this makes me so anxious.

His friend, his invitation, his job to get things ready for them. If he wants home cooked food he can prepare it. Man I detest it when people make plans without me yet expect me to work hard to make shit go well. Sometimes I just act like they didn't say anything cause I already said no and if I keep giving attention to the subject they just keep pestering, so I literally pretend no one is talking to me when they keep asking. Sorry this sprung up on you like this.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Honestly, since he didn't even speak to you about inviting his friend, he should clean, cook and do whatever to prepare. Why is he expecting you to do it? Ugh, I hate it when this happens to me aswell. Me and my aunt absolutely hate it when my uncle invites relatives and friends because we have to make sure everything is perfect, it's awful. What's worse is that I have to bloody sit and talk. It's completely unnecessary, people don't take a hint.

 

[gingerplum]

This is just completely unfair to do without asking you, especially last minute. My gosh, even if he wanted to go out to dinner with this person, he should've asked you first. Frankly I would just have him tell her no, sorry, tonight's not going to work, and offer another evening that's better for you.

 

[Futility]

If your partner expects you to do things for something you apparently had no say in, I see nothing wrong with you going out for dinner by yourself or have a spa day or just read a book in bed and let himself do the cleanup/cooking to impress whoever is coming over.
You also have a toe to heal, walking on it too much can cause inflammation and excessive pain as well as a domino effect from you walking differently in order to compensate, there isn't much you can do with that depending on which toe it is, my nurse taped my toes together just so they'd fuse together a little straighter? I was told to stay off of it as much as I could. I hope yours heal up nicely.

But I will also say this, friends visit people, not houses, a friend will never judge another just because the house is a mess, I live in a motorhome with far too many things in it, it's a game of tetris at best, never once was I judged because they all know I struggle with depression and keeping a clean house is less of a concern than staying alive from day to day if you catch my drift.
If anyone judges someone over how they keep their house, they're not a true friend in my opinion.

 

[Rachel74]

Well she came and she was really pleasant, it someone from his Air Force days. She as just got out of a bad relationship and was telling me how sad she feels that she's 60 and all alone. I had to give her a hug. She said the way she survives is going travelling in her camper van.

If your partner expects you to do things for something you apparently had no say in, I see nothing wrong with you going out for dinner by yourself or have a spa day or just read a book in bed and let himself do the cleanup/cooking to impress whoever is coming over.
You also have a toe to heal, walking on it too much can cause inflammation and excessive pain as well as a domino effect from you walking differently in order to compensate, there isn't much you can do with that depending on which toe it is, my nurse taped my toes together just so they'd fuse together a little straighter? I was told to stay off of it as much as I could. I hope yours heal up nicely.

But I will also say this, friends visit people, not houses, a friend will never judge another just because the house is a mess, I live in a motorhome with far too many things in it, it's a game of tetris at best, never once was I judged because they all know I struggle with depression and keeping a clean house is less of a concern than staying alive from day to day if you catch my drift.
If anyone judges someone over how they keep their house, they're not a true friend in my opinion.

She actually said how lovely my home was. I sadly judged her before she came but she was lovely and brought me chocolate, wines and a scented candle.

 

[gingerplum]

Well she came and she was really pleasant, it someone from his Air Force days. She as just got out of a bad relationship and was telling me how sad she feels that she's 60 and all alone. I had to give her a hug. She said the way she survives is going travelling in her camper van.

She actually said how lovely my home was. I sadly judged her before she came but she was lovely and brought me chocolate, wines and a scented candle.

How lovely and unexpected!

 

[alexithymia]

Well she came and she was really pleasant, it someone from his Air Force days. She as just got out of a bad relationship and was telling me how sad she feels that she's 60 and all alone. I had to give her a hug. She said the way she survives is going travelling in her camper van.

She actually said how lovely my home was. I sadly judged her before she came but she was lovely and brought me chocolate, wines and a scented candle.

I'm glad that it worked out and that she was kind towards you. She sounds like a sweet woman.

 

[Sweet emotion]

So my partner as invited a friend over for dinner tonight and can't under why I am upset over it. Firstly house is a shitpit so that means when I leave work today I have to go home and clean. He then moaned when I said we are getting a takeaway as the stress of cooking will be worse. Why can't normal people see the stress this causes. She doesn't like dogs so she can fuck off. I also have a broken toe so I will be hobbling around. I know he thinks I am a miserable cow but even after all these years he should know a situation like this makes me so anxious.

Some people don't understand mental illness and they never will.