why does wanting suicide=selfish

[gummyshark]

I genuinely loathe people who think suicidal people are selfish or that suicide is a selfish act. Don't you think it's selfish for them to be saying that? Without even knowing the miserable things we have to go and suffer through, they just call us selfish.

I mean, we're all human. Human beings are all selfish. There's not a single human who isn't selfish. No one's selfless. Everyone has a want. Everyone suffers and goes through something.

"Don't kill yourself, don't you care about how your loved ones would feel?" Why are you making me feel guilty? I'm already miserable as is.

"Killing yourself because you're suffering would only cause others to suffer" I don't even know how to respond to this. I really really with my whole being, hate people who say these things. Be considerate.

We just want peace, and the only way to genuinely have that, is to not be alive. Literally why we wanna kill ourselves. Is it really selfish to want that?

They think they have a right to call us selfish when IN FACT they are selfish, maybe even more.

It's like they want us to just keep living and be miserable for the rest of our lives until our natural impending death, just so others wouldn't suffer and grieve over our death. Why do I have to please others? Why do I have to be miserable just so others wouldn't be? I've already done that enough, that's why I'm like this.

Let me have the one thing that i've always been yearning for. Which is peace, and the only way I could truly get that, is through death. That's literally the only way for me. It's not like I have a future either so what's the point?

They want us to continue to suffer, that's a lot more selfish.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

They call us selfish to counteract with their own selfishness

 

[gummyshark]

They call us selfish to counteract with their own selfishness

I definitely agree.

 

[LapseInTime]

"I don't want to live, this is unbearable" = selfish
"Please live because I'll be sad if you ctb" = not selfish

 

[gummyshark]

"I don't want to live, this is unbearable" = selfish
"Please live because I'll be sad if you ctb" = not selfish

literally how those idiotic people view it. I rlly don't understand those people.

 

[JustAnx]

It's just as many things on life, a sentiment out of ignorance.

 

[guineapiglover8503]

It is a twisted way to guilt trip people into not CTB. Of all the ways people try to convince me not to, this is the one that makes my blood boil the most. I understand religious reasons or that people would miss me, but the one calling people selfish doesn't help anyone. I would love an explanation by someone who uses this reason as to how it helps stop people. The reason why we feel the way we do is because for many reasons, albeit physically, mentally, or spiritually, we are hurt and/or feel like shit. To shame us and make us feel more like shit doesn't make us not want to, and for me at least, it makes me want to leave this world more. It is easy to tell who has and hasn't had experience with suicide, because those without will use these reasons thinking it will stop them.

This form of manipulation (not for wanting to CTB but for other things) has been used by ex friends on me and someone close to me and it is so frustrating. It is amusing to think this guilt tripping used by those people to make others do things will work on this. It won't. It just exposes how you communicate with others and demonstrates how much of an asshole you are.

 

[gummyshark]

It is a twisted way to guilt trip people into not CTB. Of all the ways people try to convince me not to, this is the one that makes my blood boil the most. I understand religious reasons or that people would miss me, but the one calling people selfish doesn't help anyone. I would love an explanation by someone who uses this reason as to how it helps stop people. The reason why we feel the way we do is because for many reasons, albeit physically, mentally, or spiritually, we are hurt and/or feel like shit. To shame us and make us feel more like shit doesn't make us not want to, and for me at least, it makes me want to leave this world more. It is easy to tell who has and hasn't had experience with suicide, because those without will use these reasons thinking it will stop them.

This form of manipulation (not for wanting to CTB but for other things) has been used by ex friends on me and someone close to me and it is so frustrating. It is amusing to think this guilt tripping used by those people to make others do things will work on this. It won't. It just exposes how you communicate with others and demonstrates how much of an asshole you are.

I really agree. It's one of the worst ways to stop someone for ctb. They know that we're suffering, and yet they go and guilt trip us which makes us even more miserable. People like that disgust me.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I tihink it's just a question on how selfishly does giving up your own life act on.

 

[justpathetic]

It's the preferred pop culture PC response. They probably couldn't even tell you why it's selfish except for the other pop culture PC response ' you'll hurt others'. I just laugh. People hurt people every day. Intentionally and not. We're rude, we lack empathy and we are ALL self absorbed. That's human nature. We try to be better and fail every day. Should we all isolate ourselves completely to avoid "hurting" others? For me it's a matter of degrees. Some hurt is worse yes but what hurts is different for everyone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I just wish for peace as well, to me existing will always be so cruel and torturous and I'm always so tired of suffering, personally all I hope for is to never exist again where I finally cannot suffer anymore.

 

[bitofftoomuch]

It is because modern capitalist society is built on the lie that anyone can handle anything with enough personal determination and is therefore obligated to persevere through anything.

The contradiction that we must fix ourselves but are wrong to center ourselves routinely manifests and the system's approach to suicidality is one of the most disgusting examples. No emphasis is placed on putting people in better positions so that they won't want to CTB; all of it is placed on convincing people they aren't allowed to CTB. We aren't allowed to be selfish. We must fix ourselves for the "greater good" but we cannot expect anything in return from the "greater good" and this is somehow supposed to be a morally good thing. In reality, we are cogs in a corrupt machine. People don't want us to CTB because their humanity doesn't want us to die; but they have been propagandized or forced to not help us in the materially necessary ways, so they resort to telling us that we have to help ourselves, because they have to square their reluctance to help us with their fear of us dying.

Additionally the cultural hegemony of Calvinist ethics does not help. Humans are told that suffering is a virtue and that to opt out of suffering is wrong. A lot of the approaches to preventing CTB'ing are unfortunately shaped by "what makes you think you're too good for suffering" rather than "how can I reduce your suffering enough to make you not want to CTB".

All suicidal people I know of are in no way cruelly selfish, but rationally selfish. We have concluded that help in this world is beyond our access and that we'd rather roll the dice on what comes next. Sometimes this is incorrect in the sense that such help *does* exist, but that's an issue of a gap in specific knowledge, not a moral failing. Bottom line I really have never met a suicidal person who is any way a bad person, so don't let any sack of shit ever convince you that you are.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

For most peole, having access to their loved ones is more important than if said loved one is suffering or not.

 

[nattys5thtoenail]

Because most people just want to have a depressed and miserable version of their loved ones instead of realizing that they're ill and existence is unbearable. I wouldn't even mind if they put in the effort to support them with mental health treatment (that doesn't mean cater to their needs 24/7 btw) but a lot of the times they constantly invalidate their feelings or abuse them and cause their depression. Why don't people realize that it's selfish to solely want people alive because of what they do for them??

For most peole, having access to their loved ones is more important than if said loved one is suffering or not.

Short and straight to the point

 

[sevennn]

it's not. but the logic is "you've deprived me of yourself. that's selfish" but doesn't that imply that i'm someone's possession. i don't like that. dying is natural. choosing to die is one way to die. if you have loved ones you just have to accept that they'll die at some point. you might be present for it or not. that's just how life goes. staying mad at a suicidal person who has passed away.. that does nothing for anyone's grief imo

 

[yabujin]

No it's not
The opposite actually

 

[cracklingroses]

I genuinely loathe people who think suicidal people are selfish or that suicide is a selfish act. Don't you think it's selfish for them to be saying that? Without even knowing the miserable things we have to go and suffer through, they just call us selfish.

I mean, we're all human. Human beings are all selfish. There's not a single human who isn't selfish. No one's selfless. Everyone has a want. Everyone suffers and goes through something.

"Don't kill yourself, don't you care about how your loved ones would feel?" Why are you making me feel guilty? I'm already miserable as is.

"Killing yourself because you're suffering would only cause others to suffer" I don't even know how to respond to this. I really really with my whole being, hate people who say these things. Be considerate.

We just want peace, and the only way to genuinely have that, is to not be alive. Literally why we wanna kill ourselves. Is it really selfish to want that?

They think they have a right to call us selfish when IN FACT they are selfish, maybe even more.

It's like they want us to just keep living and be miserable for the rest of our lives until our natural impending death, just so others wouldn't suffer and grieve over our death. Why do I have to please others? Why do I have to be miserable just so others wouldn't be? I've already done that enough, that's why I'm like this.

Let me have the one thing that i've always been yearning for. Which is peace, and the only way I could truly get that, is through death. That's literally the only way for me. It's not like I have a future either so what's the point?

They want us to continue to suffer, that's a lot more selfish.

I agree. People always make it about them because they don't want to deal with the grief that they could feel once their loved one dies, but they never consider the extensive pain they are in. It is tricky because some people do eventually recover and find the support and help they need to feel better. But there's a lot of people who only continue to sink. It's a really tough topic because you never really know. I watched a Yale discussion on suicide that stated that you should only commit suicide if you are terminally ill, but how do you know that people aren't terminally ill with their mental health problems and living in an abusive, traumatic capitalistic society that is slowly making more and more people homeless? It is really tough and I'm sorry. I think it's selfish for people to only consider their own grief and want the person to stay alive and continue to suffer just for their own sick benefit of not having to grieve. Often the people who do that are the ones who are the first to abandon the struggling person any time they need help. Then have the gall to throw a pity party for themselves. That's more selfish than suicide although I don't think suicide is selfish. I know how desperate you have to be to consider suicide and there is nothing like that kind of pain and hopelessness.

 

[Dmoore3232]

Some aspects are selfish like if you have a family. However suicide is unselfish, you kill the self.

 

[guitarsteve]

I genuinely loathe people who think suicidal people are selfish or that suicide is a selfish act. Don't you think it's selfish for them to be saying that? Without even knowing the miserable things we have to go and suffer through, they just call us selfish.

I mean, we're all human. Human beings are all selfish. There's not a single human who isn't selfish. No one's selfless. Everyone has a want. Everyone suffers and goes through something.

"Don't kill yourself, don't you care about how your loved ones would feel?" Why are you making me feel guilty? I'm already miserable as is.

"Killing yourself because you're suffering would only cause others to suffer" I don't even know how to respond to this. I really really with my whole being, hate people who say these things. Be considerate.

We just want peace, and the only way to genuinely have that, is to not be alive. Literally why we wanna kill ourselves. Is it really selfish to want that?

They think they have a right to call us selfish when IN FACT they are selfish, maybe even more.

It's like they want us to just keep living and be miserable for the rest of our lives until our natural impending death, just so others wouldn't suffer and grieve over our death. Why do I have to please others? Why do I have to be miserable just so others wouldn't be? I've already done that enough, that's why I'm like this.

Let me have the one thing that i've always been yearning for. Which is peace, and the only way I could truly get that, is through death. That's literally the only way for me. It's not like I have a future either so what's the point?

They want us to continue to suffer, that's a lot more selfish.

Living is selfish by its very definition

 

[AnderDethsky]

Well, if in short: because people only care about what you can give them, and almost never how do you feel.

 

[ladylazarus4]

I think it's a complicated issue. I'd say for most people it probably is not selfish but I think when (if) I kill myself it'll probably be selfish. Why? Because I'm in pain but I have big parts of my life where I feel very happy. So I can't say I'm miserable all the time. So I think the pain I cause others would outweigh the pain I'm escaping. But by and large that's not true.

On the other hand, no one else has to live my life. I'm the one who has to suffer, so why do other people get to keep me here?

I do think suicide is inherently "selfish" because you're causing other people pain. But I don't think it's okay to tell people that they're selfish for CTBing. Rather, they should be supported. And even though it may be "selfish," I think it is morally okay in many situations.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It is selfish but so is recovering so either way there's no winning.

 

[pariah80]

This is why I don't discuss this with anyone. People feel that their own existence is being threatened by my desire to leave this life. I can't worry about people's opinion of what I do. I'm not crying for help. I'm trying to save what is left of my soul before this life drains it all.

 

[Done_with_the_world]

I genuinely loathe people who think suicidal people are selfish or that suicide is a selfish act. Don't you think it's selfish for them to be saying that? Without even knowing the miserable things we have to go and suffer through, they just call us selfish.

I mean, we're all human. Human beings are all selfish. There's not a single human who isn't selfish. No one's selfless. Everyone has a want. Everyone suffers and goes through something.

"Don't kill yourself, don't you care about how your loved ones would feel?" Why are you making me feel guilty? I'm already miserable as is.

"Killing yourself because you're suffering would only cause others to suffer" I don't even know how to respond to this. I really really with my whole being, hate people who say these things. Be considerate.

We just want peace, and the only way to genuinely have that, is to not be alive. Literally why we wanna kill ourselves. Is it really selfish to want that?

They think they have a right to call us selfish when IN FACT they are selfish, maybe even more.

It's like they want us to just keep living and be miserable for the rest of our lives until our natural impending death, just so others wouldn't suffer and grieve over our death. Why do I have to please others? Why do I have to be miserable just so others wouldn't be? I've already done that enough, that's why I'm like this.

Let me have the one thing that i've always been yearning for. Which is peace, and the only way I could truly get that, is through death. That's literally the only way for me. It's not like I have a future either so what's the point?

They want us to continue to suffer, that's a lot more selfish.

I agree. It might be seen in the eyes of others as selfish. But it is equally selfish to wish for someone who is suffering completely to just survive. Especially when they don't understand and aren't helping. They get scared because if they are close to us, then they may miss us.

I find it ironic sometimes. People after someone dies always say they miss someone, and yet hardly spend any time with them when they are alive. The same thing happened with my grandma. Her and I spent basically every weekend together. My mother and I took care of her until her dying day, and yet the rest of our relatives hardly even lifted a finger to come see her or take care of her. Then they were so sad when she passed. How can you be? Do you regret not spending more time with her? She was an angel, and I miss her every day.

 

[BecomingDiamond]

I think of myself as selfish due to the fact of just putting other's needs before my own, I've seen with my mother how expensive the process to cremate is, and then there's the grieving part (going on 4 years and still haven't coped with her death) but the difference is my mom didn't choose to die, but when you suicide you're actively choosing the best way to ease the pain, and people see that as selfish because you're "choosing" to do something irreversible, and you don't have to live anymore with pain, loneliness and grief but the people who cared about you do.

This is just my twisted way of my brain saying I'm a selfish pos for wanting to die.

 

[athiestjoe]

I totally agree with you on this. Well said.

When we talk about someone being selfish, we usually mean they're only focused on their own needs and interests, without caring about how their actions affect others.

Let me be cheeky for a second...take breathing, for example. It's something we do for ourselves, right? If you think about it, breathing could be seen as a pretty selfish act since it's all about sustaining your life. So, if someone decided to stop breathing—"CTBing" (ceasing to breathe, what I think of when I hear CTB and def stole from others here)—wouldn't that then actually be unselfish? Of course, that's a bit of a silliness to a degree and a definite stretch to point out how I could reframe this using the word selfish.

It's funny (okay more so sad and frustrating) how people often say things like, "It'll hurt others if you do that." That line is pretty selfish itself! It puts pressure on people to "stay strong" and resilient, making them feel like they have to prioritize everyone else's feelings over their own pain. In this light, when someone calls suicide selfish, it's actually a reflection of their own desires, pushing their expectations onto someone who's already struggling. That. Is. Selfish. This kind of really invalidate what someone is going through. The real selfishness might actually be in expecting someone to keep suffering just to make others feel better or so they can pat themselves on the back being like "Yeah I know what is best for them! I'm helping!"

When someone reaches the point of wanting to end their suffering, it's usually because they're facing unbearable pain and have carefully considered all other options first. At least, that's been my experience, and I believe many others here have gone through the same thought process. This isn't some impulsive decision; it's a rational, well-thought-out choice that comes after trying various alternatives. Trust me, if other solutions had worked for me, I wouldn't be here. I know people can turn things around, and I'm genuinely happy for them—it's amazing and I am genuinely stoked for those folks! But unfortunately, that hasn't been my journey.

Wanting someone to keep enduring pain & suffering just so others can feel okay? Now that feels selfish to me.

So yes, OP I totally feel ya.

 

[guitarsteve]

It is selfish but so is recovering so either way there's no winning.

good point

 

[hibikikyuxx]

Only pro-life fucks think that suicide is selfish. There is nothing selfish about suicide because none of us asked to be born. We were forced into existence against our will.