Venting Why does this have to be so difficult?

[ScornedStoic]

I literally just want to end myself. It's not that complicated. All the things in the universe... This is the opposite of that. I just don't want to be anymore. Why is it so fucking hard?

Why can't I just flip s switch and be done with it? Human bodies are such fragile fucking things yet I have so much to worry about when it comes to suicide.

Overdoses are too unpredictable and I don't trust banking everything on information I can't verify. It could leave me in a worse spot.

Jumping is too unpredictable with the heights I have access to. Too easy a chance to survive and become a paraplegic. It could leave me in a worse spot.

Hanging isn't even an option, since there's nowhere I could do it without risking being caught, and could leave me in a worse spot.

A gun isn't an option either as both countries I'm from restrict them the heaviest and getting one would take years I can't bear, and even then, if I fuck it up I could survive and be in a worse spot. This is my favorite option so of course it's the one that's the most impossible for me to use. Even gun ranges are out of the question because I can't get into one in Germany and getting into one in Canada would similarly take years I can't bear.

I don't have a car or license, so I can't kill myself through exhaust fumes, although if someone were to find me it'd likely leave me in a worse spot.

The only foolproof methods available to me are drowning and slitting my wrists in a tub, both options I can't get over my survival instinct for. I'm too scared of the pain in those scenarios.

I'm literally fucked. I have no way out that won't leave me a vegetable, since I guarantee if I try any of those methods I'll survive. My life's luck has been the opposite of luck so I can honestly 100% guarantee you if it isn't 1000% fatal I WILL survive and become a paraplegic.

I just want out

 

[R_N]

Why can't I just flip s switch and be done with it.

I bet lots of people would flip it and some of them would live more peacefuly knowing they can flip it anytime. They would never allow us something like that even if it was possible I think. I wish we could tho, it would make things much easier.

 

[porfin1234]

I hear you loud and clear. I want out.

 

[afabulous40]

I feel your pain. I have been practicing some escape routes myself and doing a ton of research. A year ago I severed an artery but panicked and called EMT. Yup, I wasn't thinking. I've been kicking myself every since. I've been hospitalized three times and my life has not improved. It is hard. I have decided that when I am ready I will leave very clear instructions for anyone who may find me explicitly stating that I do not wish to be hooked up to any life-saving equipment. I can't imagine they would.

 

[TAW122]

Other than the SI, society just made anything that could reliably cause someone to CTB or die peacefully illegal or near impossible to obtain. It's basically a way to keep everyone alive at all costs. Yes, it is really fucked up and sad, thus some (desperate) people resort to ugly means and not only risk failure and permanent damage, but sometimes result in collateral damage.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I don't know what other methods you could consider. I do wish you the best and hope you find peace.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I literally just want to end myself. It's not that complicated. All the things in the universe... This is the opposite of that. I just don't want to be anymore. Why is it so fucking hard?

Why can't I just flip s switch and be done with it? Human bodies are such fragile fucking things yet I have so much to worry about when it comes to suicide.

Overdoses are too unpredictable and I don't trust banking everything on information I can't verify. It could leave me in a worse spot.

Jumping is too unpredictable with the heights I have access to. Too easy a chance to survive and become a paraplegic. It could leave me in a worse spot.

Hanging isn't even an option, since there's nowhere I could do it without risking being caught, and could leave me in a worse spot.

A gun isn't an option either as both countries I'm from restrict them the heaviest and getting one would take years I can't bear, and even then, if I fuck it up I could survive and be in a worse spot. This is my favorite option so of course it's the one that's the most impossible for me to use. Even gun ranges are out of the question because I can't get into one in Germany and getting into one in Canada would similarly take years I can't bear.

I don't have a car or license, so I can't kill myself through exhaust fumes, although if someone were to find me it'd likely leave me in a worse spot.

The only foolproof methods available to me are drowning and slitting my wrists in a tub, both options I can't get over my survival instinct for. I'm too scared of the pain in those scenarios.

I'm literally fucked. I have no way out that won't leave me a vegetable, since I guarantee if I try any of those methods I'll survive. My life's luck has been the opposite of luck so I can honestly 100% guarantee you if it isn't 1000% fatal I WILL survive and become a paraplegic.

I just want out

I dont know why it has to be so difficult either. Like you, I have no idea how to end my life as every option has so many drawbacks or what if's. I dont really know what to suggest obviously as have no ideas for myself either but just wanted to you to know, I really empathize with how this is effecting you. There must be a way that is available. Only one I can think of is N what they use on legal euthanasia clinics and to put animals to sleep, but wouldn't risk sourcing that, as so many con people out there and wouldn't know what was buying and could be sold anything and again could lead to even worse probs yet again.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Hi. How old are you?

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry you're enduring so much distress. I felt the same way before I picked a method. This site compiled a list of methods and technique If you search for methods.

If you need a friend to talk to I'm here.

 

[Csmith8827]

I feel you. I have SN and Meto but i'm still kinda scared. I'm building courage though. I know it's gonna happen one of these days. I'm through being used and done with irrational people. You LITERALLY just have to TAKE A STAND.

 

[Roro90]

I feel your pain. I have been practicing some escape routes myself and doing a ton of research. A year ago I severed an artery but panicked and called EMT. Yup, I wasn't thinking. I've been kicking myself every since. I've been hospitalized three times and my life has not improved. It is hard. I have decided that when I am ready I will leave very clear instructions for anyone who may find me explicitly stating that I do not wish to be hooked up to any life-saving equipment. I can't imagine they would.

do you have any infos about cutting arteries? which artery did you cut and by which tool ? I have very limited info about this method
and don't worry about the panicking i'm too mentally damaged to call for help

 

[WhiteEyes]

Apparantly SN is the switch and won't leave you brain dead.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I literally just want to end myself. It's not that complicated. All the things in the universe... This is the opposite of that. I just don't want to be anymore. Why is it so fucking hard?

Why can't I just flip s switch and be done with it? Human bodies are such fragile fucking things yet I have so much to worry about when it comes to suicide.

Overdoses are too unpredictable and I don't trust banking everything on information I can't verify. It could leave me in a worse spot.

Jumping is too unpredictable with the heights I have access to. Too easy a chance to survive and become a paraplegic. It could leave me in a worse spot.

Hanging isn't even an option, since there's nowhere I could do it without risking being caught, and could leave me in a worse spot.

A gun isn't an option either as both countries I'm from restrict them the heaviest and getting one would take years I can't bear, and even then, if I fuck it up I could survive and be in a worse spot. This is my favorite option so of course it's the one that's the most impossible for me to use. Even gun ranges are out of the question because I can't get into one in Germany and getting into one in Canada would similarly take years I can't bear.

I don't have a car or license, so I can't kill myself through exhaust fumes, although if someone were to find me it'd likely leave me in a worse spot.

The only foolproof methods available to me are drowning and slitting my wrists in a tub, both options I can't get over my survival instinct for. I'm too scared of the pain in those scenarios.

I'm literally fucked. I have no way out that won't leave me a vegetable, since I guarantee if I try any of those methods I'll survive. My life's luck has been the opposite of luck so I can honestly 100% guarantee you if it isn't 1000% fatal I WILL survive and become a paraplegic.

I just want out

I agree 100%, I can relate a lot of your opinions on how difficult CTB is. I just want to get out of earth as fast as possible but what IFs, fear and drawbacks keep me, and what you said about the suicide methods, I can relate to. I really fucking sucks how we can't even escape our pain. If you want, we can talk about suicide methods and plans since I am currently doing a lot of reasearch and finding good and solid suicide methods. You seem like an amazing person who can't get out. You have my support and love (: I'm always here to talk to.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

not only are our lives constant torture, but we're not even allowed to have an easy, pleasurable death. i would've hit the logout button years ago my guy. and the thing is, even with as much as im set on offing myself in the near future, i still cant find a reliable way to do it bc my options are pretty limited in my situation. living with people, no car, etc etc

 

[AlreadyGone]

SN will probably be the most viable option for you if it can be obtained.

 

[afabulous40]

do you have any infos about cutting arteries? which artery did you cut and by which tool ? I have very limited info about this method
and don't worry about the panicking i'm too mentally damaged to call for help

I severed my radial artery. Honestly I was so detached I never felt it. I kick myself daily for calling 911. Next time I won't.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I severed my radial artery. Honestly I was so detached I never felt it. I kick myself daily for calling 911. Next time I won't.

Where did you cut and how deep???

 

[afabulous40]

Where did you cut and how deep???

My wrist and because I have an eating disorder and am pretty thin it wasn't that deep. The only reason I'm here is because I worried about who would clean up all the mess. When the EMTs showed up I fought them. I fought everyone until I was taken to the OR and restrained. You can feel the radial pulse in your wrist. I know where all the arteries are since I studied it before cutting. Be warned. It is a LOT of blood and it spurts like a fountain. If you cut it right (like I did) you can't contain it without surgery. If you completely bisect it the artery will go into spasm and seal itself.

 

[S1mpleme]

How about SN?